How to encourage/support women to continue bf?

[hunkermunker]

Breastfeeding initiation rates are, nationally, about three quarters of women. Different places obv have different rates within that - some considerably lower, some a fair bit higher.

However, only one in three week-old babies have had exclusively breastmilk and by 6-8 weeks, there's a big drop-off of babies having any breastmilk at all, compared to the original initiation rates.

I think it's a combination of things - poor support from health professionals, pressure from family/wider society, lack of body confidence (either with public breastfeeding or with knowing how to tell if the baby's feeding "enough") and a general idea that you give bf a go, but if (when?) it "fails", or "doesn't work out", you bottlefeed - and with all the other things I've mentioned playing a part, often it does "fail" or "not work out".

I do use the word fail advisedly - nobody "fails" at breastfeeding, nobody. I used it in part to say that!

If you stopped bfing before you wanted, what would've helped you to continue?

If you bfed for as long as you wanted, what helped you? And how old was your baby when you stopped?

Would/did better antenatal/postnatal information play a part? If so, what would you have liked to know? And how would you have liked that info to be given to you? Also, what support would you have liked? Help with the baby? Help with your chores? Supportive friends who knew about bf?

TIA.

I stopped bf ds when he was 8 weeks. He was born by emcs but bf well for his first feed, when we got back on the ward I asked a mw to pass him to me to feed (about 6 hours after his first feed) mw told me she was to busy to take him back when id 'had enough' and walked away
He was taken to special care for a bit where i managed to feed him but not enough for their liking so he was topped up with formula.
When we came home bf was in retrospect going well but I had no support, he fed constantly and because i didnt know this was normal I started giving him a bottle at night, one bottle became 2 then whenever he bf he stayed on for hours then would fall asleep for 45 mons then start all over again so 2 bottles became 3 etc etc etc.
I found mumsnet when he was 3 months old and bottle fed if I had found it when he was born he would of been breadt fed for a lot longer.
I think we need better antenatal support, we need to be told its normal for a newborn to feed almost constantly, that comfort sucking is fine. Health visitors need to be better trained (mines bf advice was 'give him formula his to hungry to bf '
DS is now 2.4 and I have a 10mo dd who is still bf, im starting a peer support course next week because I want to help people to bf in a way I wasnt with ds.
Mostly for me the only reason I am still feedin dd is because of this place, I dont post much but have been lurking for 2 years .
On a personal note (without sucking up to much!) I would like to thank you, it was mostly your posts (and tiktoks) that enabled me to feed my daughter in the way I wasnt able to feed my son.
sorry for the essay

I stopped BF when DS2 was 6 weeks old, a hell of a lot sooner than I had planned or wanted to.

My mw forced us to give formula when he was 5 days old as he had lost too much weight and my milk was just starting to come in. So he got too used to a bottle I think. I really wish I would have told her to bugger off but she threatened to take DS2 to hospital if we wouldn't give him formula top ups.

I think if MWs are properly trained and don't scream "formula" everytime there is a slight problem, it would help alot of people.

I still slightly struggle to fight back tears when I give him a bottle.

Oh and in regards to how the support is given, it needs to be by people not just handed some leaflets like i was, its all very well looking at a picture of the correct latch but how do you know your doing it right? Hospitals should have properly trained bf counsellors (sp?) on site to talk to all new mothers. we need to get to women before bf starts to go wrong.
Supportive friends would help but not sure thats something that can be helped. A lot of my friends who bottle feed say they wish they bf when they see me feed dd but its to late

I'm so sorry you had such poor support the first time round. You raise an excellent point - that of the "hungry baby" - I find that one of the hardest things to talk about, in some ways.

We're obsessed with shoving things in babies' mouths in this country - to "settle" them (usually so they'll sleep longer and be apart from their mothers for greater periods of time).

Thank you so much for your kind words - I'm so glad the stuff I splurge into the ether helped you and it's really, really lovely to hear that it helps. Good luck with the peer support course - well done and I hope you find it an interesting and enjoyable experience!

Also if possible there should be BF counsellers(sp) provided by the NHS in rural areas.
When I enquired about it I was told that my nearest were either Leeds or Middlesborough and they couldn't travel to me. I was told I could go to them but neither of us drive and I wasn't able to take a 5/6 day old on a 3 hour bus ride to get there.

I breastfed DS til 5.5 months (solids at 20 weeks and formula at 24weeks)I'm now exclusivly bf DD (18weeks) and don't intend to give her solids etc. until 26 weeks. However, I'm really struggling with DD and if I didn't have Mumsnet and knowing about the big 4 month growth spurt and sleep regression I woudl be a mess.

I feel I failed with DS even though lots of people will say no you didn't etc. etc. I've thought long and hard about it and I think that actually society isn't geared to support breastfeeding at all. I read on here it's a philosophy not just a way of feeding and it's a philosophy that doesn't chime in with our society. You see, I think that people really want to make their children independent and are scared that they will not get their 'freedom' back.

I suppose it's a sort of selfishness but thats sounds like I'm saying that people that bottle feed babies are selfish which I'm not rather that we're encouraged to think that putting your life and sleep on hold to BF completely on demand a small baby is somehow failing yourself.

I think it's all part and parcel of our societies attitude to children, babies and mothers. I find it interesting that nobody cuts you any slack as a nursing motehr despite the fact that it can be very exhausting.

This feels a bit like a thesis and I don't mean it to. I'm just being struck more and more as I do things differently with DD how much I'm going against the grain. I think this may be why things drop off?

That's probably not what you wanted to hear!

I am bfing, struggling a bit, but still bfing. Here are some of the things which have helped me start and continue:-

1. A very strong message from my late mother about the benefits of bfing to mother and child
2. A community of friends who mostly bfed their children and support from my husband
3. Very good professional support in hospital at the start, despite several problems, and continued support from health visitors and excellent bfing counsellors.

How could things be improved? I think there is a need for all groups of health care professionals to be well informed and receive good training in supporting bfing. As I have said I have been lucky enough to recieve excellent support from midwives and health visitors. However it has been a different story with some of the GPs I have met. At best their support for bfing has been somewhat luke warm; at worst they have made me feel faintly ridiculous for wanting to continue bfing in the face of several problems. I have been reassured by the midwives at the local, hospital based bfing support group that my problems are not insurmountable.

Whilst I can choose whether to seek help from bfing counsellors, health visitors etc, I have to go to the GP if I need a prescription. I think any woman who is finding bfing difficult is vunerable and therefore at the mercy of ill judged and sometimes ill informed comments made by some GPs. I know there are fabulous GPs out there but unfortunately you do not know how supportive your practioner will be until you are at a low ebb, perhaps needing medication and encouragement to continue.

In an ideal world I think each breastfeeding support group should be able to call on the services of a well trained, supportive, "expert in the field" HCP (be it doctor, midwife etc) who most importantly has prescribing powers. This would compliment the work of the excellent bfing counsellors and ensure that women who are experiencing "medical issues" with bfing recieve not only the correct medication (difficulties with obtaining fluconazole are a case in point) but support and encouragement.

Sorry for long post! Obviously feel more strongly about this than I thought I did.

X posts. Your point about taking the baby away from it's mother is exactly right.

The other day I suddenly realised that it doesn't matter that DD only goes 2 hours between feeds for example, I just have to take her with me!

Sorry x post. Kayzr is right, formula seems to be the answer to all bf problems as far as most mw and hv are concerned. Kayzr how old is ds2 now? it does get easier, i felt a lot of guilt for ff ds but I know it wasnt my fault just the support system is a pile of shite

Its mother FFS

i usually ignore my typos but that one...

He is 7 weeks. I think I stopped about 10 days ago now. I did try a few days ago to try again but he won't latch on and just cries about it.

DD1 bf for 13 months although I did start to wean at 3 months, stopped when she started to bite regularly
DS1 bf for 11 months , stopped when he abruptly refused to feed a few times.
DD2 bf for 16 months, stopped because it was becoming only for comfort and she would have still been feeding at school if I hadn't!
DS2 bf for 9 months, would have fed for longer but he also abruptly stopped himself and refused it from then. I was very pleased to have been able to bf DS2 as he was in intensive care for 3 weeks and I had to express a lot.

What helped me? I don't know. TBH I never considered that I wouldn't bf despite the fact that my mum or mil hadn't bf. I didn't have any equipment in the house for bottle feeding. so would have been a bit of a disaster if I hadn't! My midwife was great at antenatal classes , but I have to say the hospital was pretty rubbish and not very helpful.
There weren't many places to bf in public with dd1 but that has all improved now.
It would have been nice to share the experience with someone but no-one I kept in touch with from antenatal classes bf longer than about 3 weeks.

I also think its VERY important not to go on and on at new mums that if they get sore it is all about bad latch.
Its a new thing and if you do something new every 2 hours every day you will get sore no matter how good the latch. I got sore with everyone of my DC's and for DS2 I was expressing, so I couldn't have been latching the expressor on incorrectly.

I am still feeding DS exclusively at 4 months and expect to for at least a year.

What helped me was knowing what I might expect - I am quite active on various online forums and so while browsing and reading others' posts I saw that there could be problems - but I saw that they could be overcome. Also doing a breastfeeding workshop as part of my NCT classes really helped cement things into place for me - I'm not sure how helpful the other ladies found it as they have all started giving occasional or regular bottles of formula, (although one lady only does because she can't express - the others do because they feel they don't have enough milk) I think I took more out of it because I already knew the theory IYSWIM.

For example it helped me to know how milk production worked, and that even if he was "only" comfort sucking he was still probably getting milk and if not that it was at least helping my supply. Also to know that a breast is never empty, and that if DS cried after a feed not to think he was still hungry!

What else helped me was not having formula in the house - so on about day 3 or 4 when I still couldn't work out how to feed sitting up and was getting frustrated and tearful DP couldn't step in with a bottle for him (as he expressed a wish to do so!) - saying well I'll just get through the next feed and then we will see, really helped.

On that note it helped that I learned to feed lying down, and thus was able to feed in bed - I co-slept from birth which was a great help as the night feeds didn't seem like a burden.

One thing which retrospectively was a great help to me was being young and not having really been around babies being fed either way. I didn't have any preconceptions about how to feed a baby or how they should be behaving etc. I think most people have more experience of bottlefeeding - it is more familiar to them. Most people know roughly how to make up a bottle with powder and that it has to be warmed and sterilised - and if they don't, there are instructions on the tin. What do most people know about breastfeeding? Before I was pregnant all I knew was that the baby suckled at the breast and got milk out - it sounds simple but that is only one thing which is common knowledge about breastfeeding and three things which are common knowledge about bottlefeeding.

There are also a lot of myths about breastfeeding which I'd never heard of which helped - the idea that you might not have enough milk for example (very rare), that it should hurt, that it is difficult forever, that it delays sleeping through the night, etc.

I found it helpful to know what to expect in terms of how often I would be feeding in the first weeks and how long for, to recognise a growth spurt pattern of feeding and know it would be temporary, I found it helpful to relate to tribal or stone age women and mammals and realise that they didn't need formula so why should I? In fact that was probably the one biggest thing - knowing what was normal and when to worry. Maybe there should be a leaflet or a section in that birth to 5 NHS booklet which tells women this - or even better, on the side of a box of breast pads!

I agree with the above that health visitors should be more supportive, their answer to everything seems to be formula - it's stupid. The NHS spend ages trying to convince women to breastfeed and then seem to work against that all the time. I have never had a problem with breastfeeding and yet they still managed to make a comment against it at about 10 days. When I get him weighed now they are always surprised and patronisingly congratulatory when I say I am still breastfeeding.

Anyway I have ranted for too long! In short I think the following information needs to be made available and constantly accessible to women:
-X,Y,Z is normal and temporary. Do not worry! You are doing fine!
-If A, B, or C happens, consult your doctor/HV/BFC
-It's only difficult to start with - by about 8 weeks everything will click into place and you will be able to breastfeed hanging upside down in a tree if you really want to! It DOES get easier. Be patient. You are learning a new skill.
-It is okay to sleep with your baby (unless D,E,F).
-If you are struggling you can contact G,H,I for support.

(X,Y,Z = things like growth spurts, feeding lots, minor weight loss, other common things percieved as problems)
(A,B,C = things like losing excessive weight, baby dehydrated, pain after first 10-12 swallows)

On the packet of something like breast pads would be a fantastic place to put this information, as well as a leaflet or something you could stick on your notice board/fridge.

My ds is still feeding at 3.2yo.

I learned quite a lot about bf before he was born, mainly from MN. Looking back, I knew bugger all really, but more than if I hadn't lurked about the breast/bottle threads when pg.

I had a few problems at around 4 weeks and my HV said "I don't know, but here's the number for LLL". That was extremely helpful. She also lent me LLL's book of breastfeeding answers which opened my eyes at an early stage to things like tandem feeding, feeding a toddler etc etc.

Because it is a reference book, there are pieces of advice that are repeated in more than one section and I quickly got the message that most breastfeeding problems can be fixed. It also reassured me that my ds's feeding (24/7 almost!) was normal.

Armed with this knowledge, I was able to carry on feeding with confidence and I am now waiting (and waiting!) for ds to self wean.

So, to cut a long story short - I think accurate information which I knew to be true was what helped me.

I only have one child and breastfeeding was hard to establish but we managed to do it for over 2yrs which was right for us

what helped

• me wanting to do it from the start, never thought of another option
• DH being super supportive when everyone else failed me and I was at my lowest

what did not help

• the hospital, their general attitude and frankly bully scary tactics to 'just get on an give her bottle otherwise she will die'

after talking to other mums and listening to other women in general I would say that the education needs to start much much earlier than pregnancy because I have the impression it often is linked to body image

and much much better hospital care with dedicated teams helping mums from the start so that early problems can be sorted early

I fed my twins for 13 mths. I then trained as a peer supporter and wished I'd known all the things we learnt BEFORE i had the babies. Like growth spurts, it being GOOD that babies need to feed often, and that it's GOOD that babies should be alert and awake a lot (hard when you're a twin Mum!) and that babies only take about a teaspoon of colostrom and that they shouldn't be able to down 90mls of formula (which is what one of mine did when he was about 2 days old!)

I now 'get' Mums through the twins club. We do an ante-natal session every few months, I take their numbers (usually only 3 or 4) and keep in contact when the babies are born and usually go and see them to check on the feeding and give advice if needed. This system seems to really work and I've only had one who did not feed at all.

This is exactly the kind of help the NHS should be funding!! Every Mum who leaves hospital breastfeeding should have access to a breastfeeding supporter who they can contact if there are problems, and a more experienced superior if it gets serious! We are hoping in Harrow to implement something like this in the next couple of years, I really hope we manage it!!!!!!

I was adamant that I would breast feed DS (my only child). I didn't buy any bottles or formula in preparation for his birth, I didn't even think about it.

I was encouraged to breast feed straight after his birth, and I did give it a go, but it didn't feel natural. I felt very bad about that because I'd imagined that it would feel natural. I don't know if I'm not normal, or if I was too exhausted to want to bond, or if it was something else - DS was born with a physical abnormality (not something that needed to be dealt with immediately, just a physical difference) and I worry myself sick that I rejected him because he wasn't what I'd been expecting . Anyway, my first attempt at feeding was half-hearted to say the least, and I passed DS to DP as soon as I could.

I fed him again once we were settled in to a ward, and with the MW's help he did have a pretty good feed, and I felt good about that. That was as good as it got though.

A MW told me that DS would need feeding in the night and we'd agreed a time that she would wake me. Things have probably changed now in hospitals (this was 2002), but I was very confused because I thought I was supposed to be feeding on demand - ie, wake up when DS cried and then feed him. Anyway, perhaps I was just confused at the time because the midwife didn't wake me. Instead, I was woken by a vicious old bitch that called herself the 'breast-feeding specialist'. She bollocked me in front of the other mums, told me I was a 'very naughty mummy' for not feeding my baby for 6 hours. I was fucking exhausted (I'm getting angry just thinking about this) and DS had not cried so I hadn't woke up. What the hell was I supposed to have done - set an alarm clock and wake up the whole ward?

So, she helped me to nurse DS and it was a very good feed. He fed for 45 minutes but it hurt a lot. The only reassurance I got from this horrible 'breast-feeding specialist' was 'Yes, it does hurt'. Why couldn't she have told me that it would get better?

I fed DS throughout the next day, but my nipples were blistered and bleeding. I asked for help, and was told that it was because I had inverted nipples. Now, my nipples aren't very sensitive to stimulation, but they do stick out when I'm cold. The MW told me 'No, they are inverted and they wouldn't ever protrude'.

Then my inlaws came to visit and MIL (who successfully bf all 4 of hers) wanted to help me. I felt very inadequate and didn't tell her that I was having trouble. Looking back, I so wish I had. She's a nice woman and she would have helped me.

Actually, there's something else that I want to add about this. I think body image played a part in me 'failing' to bf. My mum had been with me at my first attempt to bf DS. She'd commented on my enormous nipples and said how they were much bigger than hers. I've always hated them and felt awful about them because they extra enormous and ugly what with my hormones. DP was trying to film everything on the video camera and I was trying to preserve my dignity and not have my boobs filmed. My dislike for my nipples is such that I'm not comfortable with even him seeing them, let alone MWs and my MIL [shudder].

So, that night I had one last attempt and it was agony. I asked the midwife for some formula because I was worried DS wasn't getting enough nourishment. He'd had his blood sugar levels taken a few times by then as the staff were also worried. I was going to mix feed, but seeing DS wolf down a bottle I thought I'd been depriving him of food. I know that isn't true now.

On the way home from hospital I went to Mothercare and bought all the bottle-feeding paraphernalia.

Sorry this is so long. I didn't actually realise that this is an emotive subject for me personally ... but it is!

Sorry Hunker, just realised I haven't answered your post AT ALL!

My thoughts on the 'actual' topic:

I wish I'd known more about breast-feeding before I'd attempted it, or even better, actually seen someone do it. That's my fault though, as I didn't go to ante-natal classes.

MWs and the specialist could have helped by suggesting something to help with the blistering, reassuring me that my nipples would heal and giving me time to ask questions.

Mostly though, I think I 'failed' because of my sub-conscious ideas about my breasts. I know on an intellectual level that they aren't primarily sexual objects, their purpose is to feed babies, but I was too hung up on how ugly they are to feel comfortable about having them 'out' so to speak. I had thought that I'd be able to feed without anyone actually seeing them, but I couldn't learn like that.

I think I'd have been more at ease with my breasts and their primary function if more women were openly bf in public. By that, I mean not hiding away in toilets or staying at home because of objections from stupid people. I think it will take generations before this starts to filter through to the majorities though, and having soft porn everywhere is just reinforcing the message that 'tits' are toys for grown men, which obviously doesn't help.

I'm hopeful that feeding trends are moving in the right direction though. I've noticed that rather than be embarrassed when I see a mother nursing, I'm quite shocked when I hear pregnant women say they've no intention of bf. Instead of thinking that nursing mothers are heros (how I felt when I saw my best-friend nurse after I'd failed) I'm thinking of it as the norm.

Sorry, I feel embarrassed now that I got carried away with my post above, and haven't been able to contribute anything worthwhile to the actual point of the thread.

DD is 18 weeks today and exclusively bf. I'm planning to go at least a year - originally planned to wean her off the boob then but now I'm not too sure. So we really haven't been going very long, but things that helped me were:

• I think primarily (my) societal expectation. I do not (afaik) know a single person in real life who bottle feeds - all my family bf (my grandmother bf eight!) and all my friends bf (not that I have many friends with babies). (The odd thing about this is that I haven't seen anyone in my family bf for over 20 years, since my cousins are all grown up these days, but obviously it's sunk in at some level!)
• secondly the fact that DH and my family are supportive. No one has ever suggested a bottle would be good for her (in fact DH freaked out a bit about giving her a bottle of ebm, which is probably one of the reasons why I haven't persevered with expressing). The only really odd moment was a couple of DH's friends having a moment of panicked horror when it became obvious I was going to feed in front of them, but they were fine once they realised they weren't going to have to stare at my tits!
• thirdly, another huge factor, the fact that it has been really easy for me. I feel so guilty admitting to this (in fact this is the first time I have admitted it). I had a quick labour (eight hours) with only gas and air so DD and I weren't in too bad shape and she latched on right away. I had the usual six weeks of latch-on agony and my let-down used to hurt like a bitch, but compared to what most people seem to go through, it's been great
• we are generally laid-back, confident parents, despite this being our pfb, plus the fact that DD is piling on the pounds (when we get her weighed, which isn't often) and my supply is over-abundant means that we feel everything is going okay and are largely left alone by HVs etc and no one has suggested top-ups and so on
• good body image, which means I'm not bothered about feeding in public
• I spent a lot of time studying all the photos of position etc (tummy to mummy) before DD arrived. I also bought a bfing book so I could get informed. And reading reading reading - here, kellymom - about what was normal, what could possibly go wrong. I have to admit that I find it a bit odd that people don't inform themselves

What didn't help - the MWs in the hospital! They kept saying they'd come and check my latch but were obviously very busy and it took ages to get around to it. When a MW did come and observe, I think we didn't latch on fast enough or something (I can't remember what the problem was), but she did the classic of grabbing my boob and DD's head and trying to force the two together. That was the only practical support we got from the NHS (along with a couple of leaflets and someone asking at every A/N appt whether I planned to bf).

I think support and information is key, but it does frustrate me that some people don't take responsibility for informing themselves (though I can see why, when your HV is telling you that your DC is too big/small/hungry/whatver, you believe them because they're a trained HCP). I think my pregnant friends think I'm a loon because I keep telling them not to take everything their HV says as gospel! And I'm another one who is furious that the NHS pushes bfing as the best option but doesn't back it up with support. And it needs to be normalised.

Long, sorry

DD is 26 months and still bf for england. She was exclusively bf until 5 months, when I gave in to HV suggestions to give her a bit of baby rice with ebm as she was sleeping so atrociously (didn't work of course!)

Anyway, I feel so grateful for, and I must admit proud of bfing as it wasn't always (and still isn't always) easy. This doesn't mean I think people who have not bf have 'failed' or are inferior mums btw. Most of my friends who have not bf have seemed to me to be let down by a combination of the medical profession, family and wider societal views of bf and have felt very down about this.

What helped:

• extremely supportive DH, who was lucky enough to be able to and willing to take 6 weeks paternity leave and did everything around the house then and for some time afterwards, to enable me to basically sit and bf DD for what added up to 8 hours a day and then some in the night. She was a very slow and 'lazy' (according to HVs) feeder. Basically she has always loved the boob.
• an 'infant feeding' support team in the hospital who saw me daily whilst I was in there and then had a drop in clinic there once a week that I went to quite frequently!
• some of the mws at the hospital, who were great (others weren't - see below)
• it was the norm amongst friends
• Mumsnet support with 'phases'
• informing myself from elsewhere - books, web etc
• NCT bf counsellor (helped a bit)
• feeling quite militant about my right to bf in public and more than that feeling it so natural to feed by baby/child that I find it wierd that anyone should object. No-one ever has, by the way, even with a look - and I do it everywhere still. Strangely I don't have a particularly great body image, but bf is one of the things that has improved that, as it feels great that my body is so capable and fit for purpose.

What didn't help:

• having no support immediately post spinal block in the hosp (it was a forceps delivery). Basically I was abadoned in the 'recovery room' with a nervous looking student mw popping in every now and then and not helping me to do skin to skin or try to start bf for several hours, despite my requests
• some mws such as the one who shouted at me when nearly 24 hours after the birth, despite trying all night (and not having slept for the previous two nights due to horrible long labour), dd had still not fed: 'baby needs to feed!' No shit, Sherlock.
• then 3 nights in hospital when dd literally didn't sleep at all -just bf all night and mws wouldn't help me except to offer to give her a bottle
• later on, HV who kept telling me I need to cut down the number of feeds dd has (I stopped going to see her).

Strangely enough the need for support is going up again now that I'm heading into territory considered as freakish by many and have much less support for continued bf from family and friends (apart from DH). Have been planning to try to start a MN support thread as I now know almost no-one who still bf.

Another rant, but it is an emotive subject!

Primrosehall, just read your story again and felt v sad for you. I don't think you got carried away with your op because this gets to the heart of some of the issues re bf and the ways we and our babies get let down. Btw I don't think it is a tragedy from a health point of view when it doesn't happen but people do feel really bad about it (like you seem to) and that seems a real shame.

The other thing I wanted to comment on was that I said in my post that it seems really 'natural' to bf, but this certainly wasn't how it felt at first. In fact it felt awkward and difficult and I used to dread trying for the first couple of days as it often didn't go well and I felt frustrated, and so, clearly, did DD. At that point it was really the good attitude of most of the MW who said, don't worry this happens quite often, you'll both get the hang of it, its not over yet etc, that kept me going. I guess really good training re bf for mw is key.

What would have helped me:

• a HV who had the slightest idea how to support a breastfeeding woman

• access to proper bf support every day, not just once a week

• someone to look after my DS (who was almost 3 at the time) while I sat there 20 hours a day trying to feed and unable to give him attention.

oh the other thing which would have helped was a genuine knowledge of the difference between breast milk and formula. I'd swallowed the "breast is best but formula is near as dammit" myth and this enabled me to give myself permission to give up. Had I had a better knowledge of just how much difference there is, I would have had more determination to continue and therefore my coping strategy would have been different - I would have called NCT and LaLeche for example, not just relied on the NHS, because I would have considered it a higher priority.

The main thing I have come across recently that stopped people wanting to breastfeed (that were already bfing) that should be tackled is the way they are spoken to by so-called Health Professionals.
There needs to be less assumption.
Assumption that because people have reached a certain stage they will carry on, assumption that because somebody is breastfeeding that they are gung-ho about it and assumption that people don't need as much as support once they reach a certain point.
A well-meaning HV nearly put a stop to one lady's breastfeeding because she told her that she should continue as he had eczema and assumed that as she was at 26weeks (exclusive) she must surely be happy to carry on.
Instead of giving advice people need to listen. As you've said before, hunker, most women do actually want to breastfeed, if more people listened to the problem and then gave relevant information (rather than advice/opinions) then more mothers would feel supported.

I wanted to breastfeed - I thought I would breastfeed - ss had breast milk for 3 weeks mostly out of s syringe

My nipples were bleeding before I left hospital - I went to pieces

So what would have helped:

• a shorter less traumatic labour with less drugs
• someone to be with me 24 hours a day to latch her on until we got it right (wishful thinking) - realisticaly perhaps someone to be there once a day to help and encourage
• knowing in advance that bf can be hard/difficult/sore - my social expectation was that I would bf - I didn't realise that it might not work out - and when it didn't I went to pieces (cried for 6months - not sure if the guilt has gone even now)
• not being hooked up to the milking expressing machine on my first day after an em c-section
• getting advice about nipple shields instead of being told that they were like a "plaster" and wouldn't solve the problem
• if I'd known about MN at the time - you'll be seeing me as a regular on the bf boards when no2 arrives in March!

Bizarrely although I went to a bf support group at the hospital (who were wonderful) I never once phoned a bf helpline as I didn't know what they could do to help - they weren't there after all. I was at home - neither I nor my dh could get dd latched on and I was panicking about how I was meant to feed her at all with the pressure that she wasn't having enough wet nappies according to the mw.