I really want to try to get BabyG into some sort of <cringe> routine. Any tips?

[MamaG]

He's always been BF on demand. I'm crap at expressing (historically) and don't even want to try yet with BabyG.

He always has to be fed to sleep and there isn't really any set routine to his feeding/sleeping.

I could really do with knowing that between X and Y I'll have some free time to do stuff around the house while he's sleeping, instead of him having catnaps all day.

Am I being unrealistic? His feeding is hte most important thing to me and I don't want to jeopardise that at all but surely htere's something I could do?

All tips gratefully received and considered (apart from MIL's "give him some formula" )!

mamaG - get him in a sling and do your stuff that way?
it will settle down - i know you want to get on with things but really you should be resting and enjoying him still
you won't look back when you are old and say "i wish i had done more ironing"

OK, I might be flamed for this... but for goodness sake, why is putting the baby in a sling ALWAYS the answer for some people? You know, it doesn't work for everyone (I used my sling to go for walks or on the airplane, but it never worked at home for me... a routine, after a certain point, worked much better). Also: how are you sure Franny that it will settle down? It doesn't always, not with all babies. And finally, I find it a bit offensive to suggest (implicitly) that those who have their babies on some sort of a routine are not 'resting' and 'enjoying' their babies. The assumption being that only feeding on demand means you can 'rest' and 'enjoy' your child. For what it's worth, I've enjoyed my baby much much more & have rested much more (and so has he) since we have created a routine. He still sleeps in our bed at night, and I still breastfeed him, so it's not as if a routine means an all or nothing kind of thing.

I get a bit tired here on MN by all the negativity towards routines, so I'm sorry if I sound a bit annoyed (it's because I am )

Maria - come on now you know full well that if you use any sort of structure to your day then you are not 'baby led' and cannot possibly doing the best for them.

OP - I agree that getting up at the same time will help enormously. As will trying to put him down for naps approximately 2 hours after he work up - sometimes less, basically as soon as he shows signs of tiredness rather than waiting for him to fall asleep on his own. If you get the naps sorted then that will naturally space out the feeds more and you will be feeding when he wakes rather than to sleep which will help with the night settling as well.

blimey

she said she wanted to be getting stuff done around the house maria
therefore i suspect she is not resting but worrying about stuff that needs doing

i always suggest new mums try a sling because, err, i think it is a really good idea and makes life easier for mothers and babies
it's not a conspiracy - i think it could help her
if mamag comes back and says "no it doesn't work for me" then that's the end of that

you really do sound very annoyed and i am not sure why
i'm offering advice for mamag from the perspective of what worked for me - i didn't read your posts or any others and my post wasn't directed at anything other than trying to solve mamag's problem

if she doesn't like what i have advised she will just ignore it
she's naughty like that

because people are giving their own opinion and perspective on things???
just like you are??

i could not have put ds2 in a routine. he wanted feeding every 45mins. if I didn't feed him he screamed.
he actually screamed a lot of the time even when not feeding, but the feeding was the only time he calmed down.

routines just don't work for some people, and for those of us who couldn't/didn't want to do them we found alternative ways, which we will share with whomever we please.

I, like f&z, actually found it easier to go with the flow, stick the baby in a sling and get on with stuff without having to worry about whether or not it was feed time, or what to do with my screaming baby if it wasn't.
I did everything and anything with him in the sling, so it was a lot easier. FOR ME!

no-one is suggexting that using a routine makes you a bad mother. we're just offering alternative points of view.

if you have a problem with that, well, that's really up to you isn't it?

Franny, agreed, it could help her perhaps to use a sling, and I do know slings help many mothers... but the OP's original question was how to get her baby into a sort of routine, she never said she doesn't enjoy him etc. I agree though that housekeeping should be at the very bottom of every new mother's list of things to do It certainly is on mine!

Thisyesterday: Agreed that routines (or particular versions of routines) don't work for everyone... what annoys me is when I hear (or maybe I'm imagining it? ) implicit assumptions that mothers who attempt to create any sort of structure / routine to their day are somehow not enjoying their baby or going with the flow. And by the way, I obviously would never ever ever advocate leaving a screaming baby go hungry, I think that's a common misunderstanding about routines by the way (but that's another discussion).

don't worry maria mamag knows me well and will just shrug off my lentilly suggestions if she wants to
i am sure she is enjoying her ds
i think she should be enjoying him MORE, preferably with her feet up
this is the advice i think i would like to be given with a new baby
there's room on the broom, you know?

I read somewhere once [vague] that a study had found the happiest babies seemed to be the ones that sleep to a particular pattern (ie not putting them in a routine but observing when they sleep and the following seems to work) Each day they sleep 2,3 and 4 hours after they wake up. So if they wake at 7am, they'll be ready for a sleep again at 9 then if they sleep for an hour - wake at 10 ready to sleep again at 1 for a couple of hours, wake at 3, bed at 7. Are you following me?!

I used to get up, feed/have breakfast and take dd for a walk in the pram (around 2 hours after she woke up) and she would fall asleep. I recently told a friend about this as her baby wasn't napping well in the day and by creating the right conditions (if you like) for him to fall asleep at those times, he started sleeping better (ie for longer chunks of time).

Sorry I think I'm explaining it really oddly but I'm trying to say that it's not a routine in the GF sense cause you're obviously not keen on that!!

Franny, DEFINITELY agree about the feet up Best advice anyone can give to a new mother.

Pinkspotty- I think the going back to sleep 2 hours (more or less) after waking up is good advice, it certainly worked for my baby... we just took note of when he woke, & then 2 hours after that we tried settling him for a nap again. It works most times.

I found the Baby Whisperer books and website very good on sleep and routines. I bf on demand, no structure at all with DS until the sleep deprivation got to me and someone told me about BW. I don't agree with everything the author says, but she really knows her stuff about sleep (e.g. I thought it was only my DS who would sleep for exactly 45 minutes, until I read about it). I followed her advice on sleep pretty much from the beginning with DD, and she is generally a very happy baby.

If it helps, don't see it as rigid 'routine', see it as getting into a rhythm. Babies (and toddlers too IME) are happier when they know what's coming next.

Another friend gave me some good advice, which was to see teaching your child to sleep as the first important lesson you teach them.

Hope it works for you. It's true, once you get into a routine, it changes, but that's why the Baby Whisperer books focus on reading your baby's cues.

Thanks for the advice all!

I did seriously consider a sling, but he now weighs 19lb and is SO heavy! Maybe the right sling is the key rather than a sling in my case.

I've joined slingmeet anyway so can ask on there

I'm taking everybody's suggestions on board and I'm going to (a) try the sling (b) watch BabyG to see if HE is setting a pattern and slot in with him

Good luck

MamaG- what can help is if for a few days (say, a week) you keep notes of BabyG's patterns for feeding & sleeping & see if he has some sort of pattern already. Then you can try to 'gently nudge' him into following his (own) pattern a bit more consistently. Good luck!

(BTW as for slings, I found the ergo absolutely invaluable. I don't use it at home much, but when we go out it's really great).

I used a sling when we were out and tried at home but my arms couldn't reach round the combo of fat tum and baby in sling to get to the washing up. Oh to be Mr Tickle.

mamag he is superb size isn't he! i don't think ds2 weighs that much yet

i found a stretchy wrap is too saggy now, but a woven wrap really supportive - does take little bit practice to tie, but if i can do it most people can

agree also ergo - padded, comfy, straightforward

I'm a gf fan and have my second very contented baby (they're both asleep for 2 hours upstairs now while I MN ) but I eased them into it using principles from the baby whisperer - i.e. structure their day with eat, awake time, sleep time. If you know baby has had a good full feed, make sure they have some awake time next, then when they cry, sniggle, chew fist, whatever your baby's sleep cue turns out to be, then you put them to bed, rather than feeding again coz you know that sleep comes next. We did this and now ds (18 weeks) self settles beautifully and even if he doesn't look tired I put him to bed at nap time and he falls straight to sleep. I regularly have to wake him from his naps too. I would never deny food if he was clearly hungry though, but by structuring his feeds from day 1 and making sure every feed is a full feed he rarely wakes early due to hunger (although it has happened, and of course I fed him).
HTH. Oh and I hate slings. But others hate routine, we're all different, that's ok!

mamag - sling wise my DS is somewhere over 22lb now (probably nearer 24). I still carry him a lot, although not in the home now.

I find a mei tai (babyhawk) and a woven wrap the most comfortable. If you're wearing him for long periods a woven wrap is worth the practice.

actually that's not quite true - DH wears him on his back to do the hoovering which results in a very happy baby as he has hoover worship!

Thanks all

yes Franny he is v big bless him - long too, with broad shoulders and a big solid head! He isn't a "fat" baby iykwim, he just looks 7 months old, I find myself syaing loudly "oh yes he's 12 weeks today" so people don't wonder why he's not crawling or sitting up!!