Breasts and Breast Feeding and Sex and Body Image and Relationships...

[swottybetty]

I can't promise my post is going to be any more concise than its title. There will be a lot of waffle ahead, if you read on thanks for indulging me. Keen to hear about other peoples' experiences.

I am preg with no. 2. With dd, i made a half hearted attempt at BF that lasted about a fortnight. I had noy wanted to BF and had approached it on a "take every day as it comes" basis. It weirded me out less than I thought it would, but hurt a lot more, Given that I never really wanted to do it in first place, the pain was enough to stop me in my tracks.

I want to give it a better go next time. I think MN and being around other BF mums has normalised it for me a lot. There are two other big reasons I want to give it a go. Firstly I am a bit of a twat about food and my "real" milk seems now to be a more natural food to give dd. Second reason is much harder to right down, but it is because I feel like I will be a better mum if I BF.

Anyhoos, that's just the context - ultimatley it what makes me NOT want to BF that I most want to hear from other people about.

I don't want to BF because I can't come to terms with losing my breasts as a sexual thing, as part of the way I look. As my fave part of my body. This is stupid cause even without BF they are really different after pregnancy.

I find it v difficult to hear people talk about nipples toughening up, breasts filling and emptying. I feel so embarressed to write that but its true. Last preg I could not look at my boobs after about 7 months and already I do not want to see them in their new shape. I really didnt want to look at dd (or pump when i expressed) last time.

After having dd lost loads of weight quickly and worked out really hard. Save for my breasts, I looked great. I have found sex near impossible ever since tho. Its not just my breasts but also my fanny i feel so different with. I really would not know how to have sex now. I certainly cannot imagine that BF'ing for any period of time would make that any easier.

So am i just hugely immature? Did other people not feel like they were making a choice between being two dif kinds of women? Or do others feel like they did make a choice but that it was OK?

DH was not hugley comfortable with me BF - his family all vocally anti-BF. But i think that mainly this stems from me. I do not have a prob with six months dedicated to my new LO and feeding (and therefore no sex) if i thought that at the end i could get my old boobs back....

SB,

I think you are trying to separate all the different parts of yourself. I also think you have some issues with your own body image.

I can completley understand that. I went from a size 8 with d cups to a size 18 after my 1st prgnancy. I refused to look at my body or allow photos to be taken. I too lost lots of weight and I am now on pregnancy no 4.

I am also to be honest v pro breastfeeding and will not hide that from you.

I think it would be helpful to everyone in a way if someone took us all to one side before we got that 1st bfp and said. When you become a mummy your life will change and your body will change and not much will go back to the way it was b4. Some things will always be different.

It took me a long time to feel comfortable in my new shell and even longer to have any fun in bed. It also took a long time for my relationship with my partner to settle down too.

The one thing I didn't have a problem with doing was breastfeeding. I did look on my boobs for some time as being purely for breastfeeding, but I was wrong.

My boobs are still sexual objects. My body might be different but it is still desirable to my man and no-one else matters anyway. My fanny? well my after 3 vaginal births it is very different to the girl I once was. However I have come to terms ( slowly) with all of the differences and realised they simply add up to me.

And me? I'm very happy.

I hope that you do decide to brave out your body and breastfeed and enjoy it. I know lots of women who are worried that they may feel sexually stimulated by bfing their babies and are just unable to breastfeed because of this. I can only say that although its pleasurable its a completley different action. I don't know if this is one of your concerns???

And I hope I haven't offended you or been TMI in this extremely long post if so i'm sorry

PS Sorry theres more!!

BFing really isn't meant to hurt. It doesn't hurt me unless there is somthing wrong. If you do decide to try again speak to BFN they are nationwide. and really helped me when it hurt like hell at the beginning. Since then I have fed my 3 children for a total of 43 months ( ) and believe me if it hurt all the time i wouldn't do it!!

That sounds like a mad number but works out as DD1 13months DD2 18 mnths DS 12months so far....now pregnant... oops.

betty, it's pregnancy that changes the breasts, not breastfeeding. There is research on this here....don't know if it makes any difference to you. Breasts do return if not to what they were, to looking just fine (my experience and loads of others).

I don't understand why bf = no sex? If you think you won't be comfortable incorporating your breasts into your sex life during that time then that's your choice...but you have other 'bits' you can enjoy

Breastfeeding is such a physical, bodily thing that issues women have about their bodies can get in the way - all I can say is that women do get over these issues, and bf can actually help. But you won;t know if this works for you unless you give it a go

SB - well done for writing it all down, i hope it has helped you (and is probably helping others).

I think that idea that someone should warn you that things will be different is a good one.
I had A cup 'pert' boobs before pg1, i still can't get over the fact that they 'sag' now

I managed to bf both boys for 12 months each and have only just stopped so waiting to see what happens with them now....

Your Dh has to get on side to support you, sod his family, but with them around you will need more support.

It did change sex for me - my boobs were not there just for dh and sometimes they were v sensitive and couldn't bear him touching them too much. And i would get embarrassed if i leaked during sex (though dh always said it was nothing to be embarrassed about).

I think our dh's see us a whole and anything that changes as a result of pg/giving birth/bf is part of being who we are (mother of their children).

Don't know if any of this waffle will have helped. But good luck and come on MN for bf support, esp if you don't get much at home.
Oh and try and find a bf group - mine was (is) fab, cup of tea, biscuit and a chat

I can empathise as before I had dd, my boobs were the one thing I liked about my body. Very pert and firm B cups.
I breastfed for 9 motnhs and I knew they would change, and they have. They do sag now and they are bigger - 34 DD's.
Whenever I look in the mirror I remind myself of how worth it it all was, bf and having my daughter (interesting research btw tiktok).
My daughter is now almost 2 and after squeezing myself into ill fitting bra's for the last year (38c ) I went bra shopping and got fitted etc. This made a HUGE difference and I realise my boobs look fab when they are given the right support lol.
I still have a bit of a way to go before I feel totally confident with my body but I know my dp thinks I'm sexy and thats a great confidence booster

many thanks for all your replies. it is v helpful to write this stuff down. i have posted this twice and didnt realise and started chatting on other thread here where have tried to answer some things you said.