Likely consequences of one formula feed a day?

[DrSerafin]

Have namechanged for this, though not a regular poster.

Am exclusively breastfeeding my eight-week second child and it's going well (normal levels of fatigue I feel, as she feeds every three hours like clockwork still, only going longer in days at moment but feel that will change over time).

Issue is that my husband feels that he is not bonding as well with our DD compared to our DS and that he feels this is partly due to fact that he had to do bottle feeds for DS from 2 weeks as I was in intensive care. That time round I did partly recover my milk supply but not to the extent that we could give up formual feeding entirely. My husband now identifies the late night bottle feeds that he did as a key part of how he bonded with DS.

I've been trying to find time to express so that he can do a late night feed but wanted to know whether at 8 weeks my milk supply could cope with one feed being replaced by formula if the expressing doesn't get better (it never works well for me, I'm not the sort to leak IYSWIM and I've had good advice on upping the expressing output but it hasn't worked for me).

Tiktok or anyone?

Have you thought about an alternative way for your DH to bond with DS? My DH did all the baths for my DD when she was first born. They both loved it, and it was a lot more useful the me than him feeding her (as I was quite happy to sit down and feed rather than feeling obliged to go and do some house work or something).

Anyway, I'm sure someone will be along with a relevant answer soon..

Our minds obviously work the same way

I would be reluctant to give up the sitting on the sofa watching TV bravely coping with cluster feeding while my DH made the dinner and put the other children to bed exclusive breastfeeding

DrS - I would also recommend the alternatives for bonding. Exclusive bf is important and I don't think you should sacrifice that. At night I used to feed DS and then he would fall asleep on Dh's chest. Also the bath is a good idea - skin to skin for daddies is nice too!

Definitely try to stick with exclusive BF if it's going well, as others have said there are plenty of other options for bonding.

See if you can find some info on Virgin Gut, it's something well worth protecting if at all possible IMHO.

A wee bit on virgin gut, here and here.

my DH started giving one bottle of mixed EBM/formula a a day around then (8 weeks). It's not something we've ended up doing consistently - and the BF purists are never going to agree with it - but I do think it has been a good bonding thing (along with lots of other activities).

At that point I was concerned about my supply, so I did make the effort to express at least half a bottle. Now (25 weeks) I wouldn't bother.

I've read about the virgin gut but I find the research behind it slightly dubious (studies from 1922?). And if it is intact, it is "destroyed" as soon as food is introduced anyway.

I'm sure I will get flak for this answer.

Offering a bottle is not likely to be fun or helpful with boinding at this point IME. All the other suggestions (particularly if 1/2 picked and done consistently) would be so more more effective.

My DDs have both had a calm awake time in the early-ish morning which they always spent with DH while I slept. While all attepts to offer a bottle never helped anyone.

Thanks all for your helpful responses - computer conked out so hadn't had a chance to check in and say thanks before now.

(And by the by: The first thread I've ever dared start on MN and I didn't get flamed!)

DrS, this seems a bit daft.
Can't he just grow up a bit? I thnk a lot of men sulk a bit when a new baby on the scene.How about him bonding with the mop/cooker/iron?

I introduced a bottle of formula for the dreamfeed at 10-ish from 12 weeks for various reasons and insisted DH did it cos I was reluctant to give up exclusive BF.

From my experience, with the disclaimer that obviously exclusive BF is the best until weaning if you can, that quiet cuddle time together with DS feeding happily has really helped DH and DS bond, far quicker than he did with DD who was exclusively BF till nearly 8 months.

There are other things you can do, of course, and personally I wanted to wait until DS was three months old before giving him anything but breast milk cos of allergies in the family.

Bonding schmonding.....dear me. It is lovely for dads to want to bond with their babies, but it's crackers think the only or even the best way for a dad to do this is by asking his partner to express (which is a hassle) or by compomising the health of his baby

Babies do not have to be fed by the 'bonded' person. In fact, remember the famous Harlow monkeys experiment? You can google it. The monkeys attached best to the non-feeding cloth 'mother' who gave them comfort, rather than the feeding 'mother'...it's comfort and cuddles and love that causes the bonding, not the bottle.

my dp bottle fed ds1 in the early days until we got bf going, and then again at about 4.5 months when we startyed mixed feeding.

he never gave ds2 a bottle as he was exclusively breastfed.

i think if anyone suggested that he ought to have done so in order to "bond" witht he baby he would be pretty upset

there are plenty orf ways he can bond with a baby, feeding it needn't be one of them.
he can sit and cuddle baby in the evenings while you take a well deserved long soak in the bath.
he can bath baby
he can take her out for walks, just him and her.

all he needs to do is spend time with her...

The idea that babies need to be fed in order to bond with someone is so insulting to the baby! As if they are no smarter than kittens or something.

What do you want to do op? We know what baby wants [boob boob boob], what dad wants [a night bottle feed], what do you want?

I personally agree with the posters here, he has months and years to bond and the exclusive bf is a tiny window in the life of parenting in reality, but wanted to give you a chance to state your wishes!

I agree that bonding is not a serious reason to do this, your DH can bond in all sorts of other ways. You getting some rest IS a serious reason though, as giving a bottle at the 10-11 o'clock feed would mean you could get some rest & much needed sleep, or some time to take a bath. I kind of disagree with the others, I think at 8 weeks your supply should be fine to withstand one bottle at that time (you can always express a bit earlier to keep up the supply at that time)...

drama - the kittens would bond with the cuddly mama cat more than the milky mama cat, though!

The attachment research shows that mammals are programmed to respond to kindly care - they need nourishment, but they are capable of differentiating it from this sort of care. They do not bond with mum because she feeds them but because they get a snuggly cuddle at the same time

Most women with a good milk supply prob can manage just fine with a bottle a day break at this age, it's true...but not everyone can. And not everyone wants to, and some people want (for sound reasons) to stick to excl bf. Giving formula so dad can bond is (IMO) not a great reason!

Didn't know that about attachment research TikTok [stores it up for parentcraft classes]

One unwelcome result of a formula feed a day is constipation. Eventually you get a green explosion after worrying about the lack of the usual mustard poo.

Not sure though that every baby who has one formula feed per day gets constipation. We started giving 1 formula feed at 10-11 at night when DS was 4,5 months & he never had constipation (if anything, he continued suffering from what is known in our household as poonamis ) OK, I know anecdotal evidence is no evidence at all... but still, it's only a tiny percentage of babies who get constipation due to ff, and I suspect the percentage would be even tinier if we're talking of only 1 formula bottle per day...

Maria, I don't know the figures - do you? If so, I'd be interested in them - but I think it is overstating the case to say 'a tiny percentage' of babies are constipated due to ff, and while I suppose it's probable that fewer get constipated with just one bottle, I don't know for sure this is right. Constipation is a known 'issue' with formula, and my observation is that it is actually quite common.

Tiktok, no, I don't know the figures (and as I said, I know that anecdotal evidence doesn't count)... was just writing my thoughts, because I know that in practice (at least in my circle) many women give one bottle of formula after the first few months of exclusive bf, and it does seem to help in various ways. But I take your point that on a population-level perhaps constipation is a problem, this has obviously been researched, I'm just not convinced that the one bottle of formula would be enough to create this problem. And in any case, sleep deprivation is also a very real problem &- at least in my case- it made a huge difference that I could sleep in the early evening (just woke for a brief expressing session, & then back to sleep) & DP dealt with that feed... So it's a balance of things really. And in any case, you can always give a bottle of expressed milk for that feed, but that's not always possible as some women don't like expressing or don't get enough for a whole feed...

hmmm, my (one FF a day) DS does seem to be a bit constipated, but he was a once every three days guy even when he was exclusively breastfed. (he had no bottles between 3.5 and 4.5 months when we were on holiday.)
never have seen green poo though.