Biting - please help before I lose bits! :(

[Dakiara]

Hi,

Posting here in the hope that folks that have fed past a year or so may be able to help, as I've had some good advice in desperation before from here when I've been utterly crap at things!

Small amount of history to explain my problem:

1. Developed nipple eczema (especially on the side he "dislikes" from around my son turning a year old
2. Recently realised (and boy do I feel stupid) that the main cause of this is lazy latching - over the last six to eight months (he is 20 months now) he has worsened, particularly at night, to just chewing/biting on the end of the nipple to get milk
3. This has been exacerbated by my not knowing how to set limits on his feeding - I am inconsistent and sometimes keep trying to relatch him to get the latch right, other times I can only stand the pain for around three goes at it (see examples below).
4. He has recently added to this a fun little game where without warning he will pull away, grabbing the nipple in his teeth and wrench backwards for two or three inches.

Basically now at the end of my tether - at the times it goes great/adequately I do love breastfeeding, but other times I honestly hate and detest the feeding with being in so much pain and frustration over it, to the point of tears.

I have two main questions, and Really hope that someone can help us:

1. How can I stop the biting/pulling/tearing thing he has got going on?
2. How can I retrain him to latch properly - how many chances to give him to get it right, how to encourage, how to censure him when he is being downright awful to me (tried loads of chances at relatch - always ends in either good latch or a good bite, also tried just 1-3 and rolling away/refusing to give milk - ends in hysterics and "Milk! Milk! Milk!" at the end of which I end up having to feed him to get him to sleep anyways...)

It's probably useful if I mention I've never been able to get him to go to sleep on his own, we also cosleep and before he was ill (before Xmas) we were down to two or three feeds in the day (morning, nap, night) and two good feeds (and a couple of resettles) at night. He has never "slept through".

fervently hopes that someone can help before the ends of her nipples fall off, cause it cannot be long now!

When he bites you need to give a firm, sharp "no" and put your boob away. When you re offer remember to tell him if he bites he will get no milk. You must be firm with this - he is old enough to understand.

IMO you also need to differentiate between when he is feeding for milk, and feeding for comfort. I'm not saying don't let him comfort feed, but if he is hurting you and you know he is not hungry then you must not accept the bad behaviour. When he is poorly latched (chewing/biting) it is unlikely he is getting any milk.

You may need to involve your partner to calm him - ie take away the possibility of milk - if he is tantrumming.

Most of all you must be consistent with whatever you decide is acceptable! You will almost definitely have a terrible time for a few days while you implement changes, but it sounds like you are having a terrible time at the mo anyway.

There is no need to stop bf - you are doing great btw!

Thanks soooo much - tried this overnight for two nights now and it seems to be working (he doesn't seem to want blood as much during the day! ) - though he sounds somewhat like a small and very annoyed foghorn!

Hubby has also been settling him in the evening when he wakes up (wee one has a huge cough at the moment so was comfort feeding more anyways shudder) so although we're usually both up in the room with him at the moment during the evening, at least I'm not lighting the room with two glowing sore nipples any more!

There is no need to stop bf - you are doing great btw!

Thanks - was feeling rather crap about it all after taking 6 months to work out that the latch needed readjusting!

i recently added an extra meal during the day inbetween dinner and bed time to fill my DD up more so she doesn't feed so much at night.
we also realised that she was waking up at night becuase my DH was talking in his and waking her up when he's not here she sleeps through. my point is that sometimes it's not always the obvious reasons.

to get her to sleep in her own bed in her own room after co sleeping i cheated and got family to take her out for a little while during the day so i got to sleep and then had extra energy to get her to bed.

i have always done the take it way if you bite me approach and she doesn't do that often.

stick with it it's hard but it's worth it!!

great to hear dakiara; hope your nipples feel better soon!

My best advice for when he bites is to pull him into the breast, this will make him open his mouth so you can remove the breast without more pain. I'd then stop the feed, if he's biting, he can't be really hungry. Just realised when reading back what age he is, I'd tell him that he doesn't get any milk if he bites.

Just wanted to post again to thank everyone for advice - things are definitely improving overall, so he's getting another week or so to stop with the pain, lol.

Hoping things keep working though, as the pain has escalated - he's cut everything else out in favour of random clamping teeth on the nipple and yanking hard backwards at random points during random feeds. Not so bad if I can keep the back of my hand on his head and pull him into the breast in time (good tip that, cheers! ), but agony if I fall asleep during the night/morning feeds. He has my sick sense of humour though I think as he so far has giggled like a drain each time...

Have also added the wearing him out thing to the list of tips to get him into his bed and own room, thanks, sounds most cunning!