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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Advice needed for feeding EBM to a newborn

27 replies

TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 13/01/2009 21:33

Fifi will be 12 days old tomorrow and I'm having to leave her for most of the day. I've been expressing since I was in hospital to make sure there will be enough for her. I wouldn't want to leave her so soon under normal circumstances but her great-nan died when she was 4 days old and it's her funeral tomorrow.

Thursday is my OH's birthday and we went out for a meal last night, again I wouldn't normally like to have left her but as his birthday is rather overshadowed by his nan's funeral I wanted to make an effort. I left her with my parents, some EBM and a syringe (I always fed Tink top-ups or if she was babysat with a syringe and we did well on it) she took 35ml and seemed happy with the amount of food, but she was unsettled and not happy with not having me!

I'm now worried about how she will cope all day. There is plenty of milk available for my dad to give her but I'm worried about her not settling with not having the real thing. She had a cup feed once in hospital (she was on a Bili-Bed and because she feeds through the night she wouldn't settle back in it after a feed), took 50ml and settled for three hours, I have a cup here too.

There are no bottles here and I'm not really happy to give her a bottle. Any advice on what we (or my dad) do tomorrow? Just feed and cuddle her to settle her or something else?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 13/01/2009 21:35

is there no way you can take her with you?
personally at 12 days old my baby would have come with me, no question.

Habbibu · 13/01/2009 21:37

No advice, but I haven't said congratulations yet, Tink - delighted for you!

rachaelsara · 13/01/2009 21:37

I agree, maybe your Dad could come and wait outside during the service in case she cries. She will lighten the mood because she is all about the future.

hunkermunker · 13/01/2009 21:38

Oh, congratulations!!

And very sorry about the funeral

Is there any way you can take her with you or would that be utterly impossible? Babies are often welcomed at funerals imo and ime - toddlers less so(!), but babes in arms different.

Is the wake near enough that if she's REALLY not settled, your dad could bring her to see you for a bit?

If neither of these things possible, can he take her for a walk or a drive and see if she'll settle if she's not happy after feeding?

smellen · 13/01/2009 21:39

Yep, I'd take baby with me too. It may also hearten the family to see one of the deceased's great grandchildren.

Habbibu · 13/01/2009 21:42

Oh Lord - and I'm very sorry about your DP's nan...

terramum · 13/01/2009 21:53

Sorry to hear about your OH's nan

tbh I would take the baby with me. Like you noticed the other day, babies this young simply need to with their mums at this very early stage, regardless of how they are fed. There will also be your comfort and milk supply to consider from being away from your LO at a time when your supply will be establishing. Last thing you need is a bout of mastitis or having to nip off every couple of hours to express...or have your supply dip afterwards through not feeding for so long.

I'm sure noone would mind if you took the baby...like a pp has said it might be a comfort to others to to have a little'un there - circle of life an' all....

Original poster
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 13/01/2009 22:19

I was going to take her but we don't feel it's appropriate. None of the family (apart from her grandparents) have met her and she was born whilst her great-grandmother was in hospital dying so we think it may be difficult and don't want to take anything from the day. I wouldn't leave her normally, I certainly didn't with Tink until she was a lot older (4 months I think, after we'd left hospital of course). This will be the only time she will be left until she's a lot older.

It's about 10 miles away and we're taking my dad's car so he won't be able to come to us.

It's strange, we were talking about the circle of life a week before his nan got ill, my grandma had a major asthma attack and we thought we would lose her, I had another false start and we thought it was going to happen like that. Then his nan got ill (also an asthma attack) and mine got better

My supply won't be a problem, I'm constantly leaking and she doesn't feed much in the day (night owl! ). I'm planning on taking my Mini and shells to keep myself comfortable, which I'm having to do anyway to keep myself comfortable and protect my clothes.

Thanks Habbibu and Hunkermunker

OP posts:
SazzlesA · 13/01/2009 22:23

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Message withdrawn

hunkermunker · 13/01/2009 22:25

Can you see if you can gauge opinion from other relatives about her being there? I think it's perfectly fine and really rather lovely to have tiny babies at funerals - especially family babies iyswim? It might be that people are looking forward to meeting her and you'll spend the whole time saying why she's not there. Just a thought - obv you know the family better than me, but thought it worth mentioning that other people might be expecting to see her?

Habbibu · 13/01/2009 22:28

I agree with hunker - it might be as well asking anyway. Put politely, I'm sure it wouldn't cause offence.

Original poster
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 13/01/2009 22:38

His family could be a problem, I think even suggesting it will be seen as me causing problems. I'm not much liked by his youngest sister (very much baby / princess of the family so her opinion carries) and TBD tends to get the butt of the joke or annoyance (he's a bit too laid back so an easy target) so it would end up with either one of us or both getting stick. It wouldn't even be very discreet as I'm not very mobile and on crutches so can't carry her, so he'd end up with the pushchair.

He's already been told it's no great-grandchildren apart from the eldest who's 21.

OP posts:
Pannacotta · 13/01/2009 22:44

Sorry but I agree with the others and think you should take your baby with you, at 12 days she is too young to leave IMO.
If his family have a problem with that then just leave them to it, she is your priority.

hunkermunker · 13/01/2009 22:44

Oh, I'm sorry - that doesn't sound very promising I'd probably still ask - what a shame that your baby's auntie is such a child herself!

Pannacotta · 13/01/2009 22:47

Other option is for you not to go?
Think I woudl plump for that in your shoes....

tiktok · 13/01/2009 22:50

TinkerBellesmum, I 'know' you well enough to know you are strong and can cope with a bit of opinion

A full day away from her mum is too long for a 12 day old baby - her needs are more important adults' sensitivities and their ideas of you. The funeral service is short - no more than 40 mins tops surely - and if it is not thought approp. t have a baby there, fair enough. But the rest of the time - I don't understand why she could not be with you. Is it going to be easy to express, too?

It's sad about the death. But I agree the 'circle of life' thing adds to the support of the family (for most families, anyway!).

moondog · 13/01/2009 22:52

Gosh, what a selfish lot to object to the presence of a tiny newborn.You'd think they could be more humane especially as you sound as if you're in a pretty bad way yourself.

moondog · 13/01/2009 22:53

I took a tiny baby to a funeral.I didn't even ask permission,I just took her and it was nice in a poignant 'in the midst of life' kinda way.

I've never asked 'permission' to take a new baby anyway actually.It wouldn't cross my mind.

Pannacotta · 13/01/2009 22:54

I agree with you moondog, I would just take the baby and not even give it a second thought.

chipmonkey · 13/01/2009 23:02

Congratulations Tink!
Tbh, I think babies that age like to suck as opposed to just drink which is probably one of the reasons why she misses you, it's a comfort think and you can't blame her!
I really think you should either take her or not go, anything else is above and beyond the call of duty.
I went to a work conference when ds4 was 2 weeks old and I just said to my boss that I was bringing him. Like you, I didn't want to give a bottle to a baby that young and was worried that he would be very unhappy and dh would be a gibbering wreck by the time I got home. And he was no trouble at all! He just fed and went to sleep and didn't cry for the whole day.
If she were even 4 weeks old I'd be suggesting Playtex bottle and a dummy but not when she's as little as she is.

SazzlesA · 13/01/2009 23:07

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chipmonkey · 13/01/2009 23:09

Actually, I agree with moondog! Just bring her and don't even ask.
And if dp's upstart of a sister says anything, just say
"Well I wanted to pay my respects and obviously couldn't leave babytink as she's so young and I'm bfing"

Original poster
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 14/01/2009 18:25

Thanks for the advice everyone. We discussed it last night and decided to still go but return quickly. It turned out to be good to have the excuse to leave (that and forgetting to take my pain meds, I didn't realise how much pain I'm in ) and we got back just after she woke - I'd fed her just before we left.

I'm not going to be doing that again in a long time!

OP posts:
Original poster
TinkerBellesMumandFiFi2 · 14/01/2009 18:30

I think any other funeral I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but it's the circumstances of the last two weeks that put us off. TBD feels very guilty for me and his family that he gave time to the other. He feels guilty for not spending more time with his nan and equally guilty for not spending time with me and Fifi.

OP posts:
hunkermunker · 14/01/2009 20:52

I hope you can relax a bit now the funeral's taken place - the limbo between death and funeral is always the hardest bit, I think. Relax isn't quite the right word, so I hope you know what I mean - was thinking of you today and hoping it went as well as these things can. How was your SIL?