A friend is being offered conflicting and IMO incorrect advice about feeding her newborn...

[Mellofahess]

...from the midwives and from a lactation consultant. She is now in such a confused state that I am not sure that I should offer her any further (conflicting) advice.

In my situation, would you interfere or let this run its course even if you believed that it might ultimately mean that the baby is not breast fed?

I would only offer extra advice if she asked for it.

She has asked if the advice she was offered sounds promising and I tried to gently suggest that I was concerned about how a break from breast feeding for any length of time might adversely affect her milk supply as well as the her son's ability to latch on.

I also mentioned nipple confusion as one of the midwives has suggested that she should bottle feed for 'a few days' and then try again once the baby is more calm.

If she is asking you, then I would gently say maybe you've heard that those things wouldn't be good, and that you know others (you do on here for def) that have had problems with supply and feeding due to doing that.

I can't see how a break from feeding and using bottles could be helpful to her bf relationship

Mello, difficult one, I agree.

Can she share with the midwives and the lactation cosultant that she is confused and conflicted? Get them to sort it out?

If the midwife has said 'bottle feed for a few days' then she needs to be asked 'did you really mean this - the LC told me x, y and z'.

I agree that you pitching in on one side or another could make things worse

You could suggest that she finds out what training each of the people "helping" her has had specifically on breastfeeding, and that that might help her decide whose advice to follow?

Thank you so much for the replies.

I know that my friend lurks here (because I suggested to her that it has been an immense help to me in the past) so I need to be cautious about causing her more heartache.

Her son is fretful at the breast and has never latched on properly. He lost a significant amount of weight before anyone took my friend's concerns seriously.

She is fighting an uphill battle because nobody around her seems overly fussed that this breast feeding relationship be successful. Baby is only 10 days old.

What advice was she offered by the lactation consultant? I don't agree with the midwife's advice tbh. The lactation consultant is usually the safer bet because they have been specifically trained in breastfeeding...

Mello

This sounds an almost identical situation to the one I was faced with except one of my close friends was an NCT breastfeeding counsellor and she was the 1st person I called.

The suggestion to leave it a few days is in my opinion good BUT I expressed every 3 hours around the clock and cup or syringe fed it to ds precisely to try and avoid nipple confusion etc.

It was a huge uphill struggle and it took a month but he did return to the breast.

If your friend wants to try and make things work and it sounds like she does then this may be a route to try. Although I had very supportive health professionals I had very unsupportive family so I know how it feels to have those around you not fussed about it working.

Ds first refused the breast at 5 days old and was found to have lost a lot of weight, I just managed to avoid dehydration by hand expressing of my own accord and feeding it to him from the cap off a bottle whilst waiting for the HV.

We cannot be sure that i) the midwife said this or ii) that the advice is totally inappropriate

For instance, if the baby is not getting anything from the breast at all, expressing and giving the milk otherwise may be an option - and bottles are usually the quickest way of getting milk in. If the baby is desperately undernourished or dehydrated, which could be the case, then maybe the midwife is not wrong.

Whatever....the mum needs to ask and to say she doesnt know what to do.

Agree.

I remember my midwife saying to me we need to get milk into this baby in whatever way we can. How you try and what sort of milk is up to you, bottle/formula/ebm/syringe etc

Lactation consultant could not see anything wrong with the latch as such but called the baby a reluctant feeder. I will inquire further but I believe that the lactation consultant agreed that my friend should try to reestablish BF in a few days. (Even as I type this, I am convinced that there must be a misunderstanding somewhere.)

I am not sure that I will be able to keep my nose out so I will have to pray that the advice I offer will be helpful.

I am tempted to suggest:

Skin to skin contact.

A babymoon whilst ignoring all household chores and limiting guests to those who will be helpful in the most practical sense of the word.

Limiting (with a view to eliminating) all negative self talk.

Try to bf often before baby is fretful and not to worry about the time or the number of ounces on the bottle.

Count his wet and dirty nappies rather than running in to have him weighed constantly.

Feed EBM where possible.

Would a cup be better than a bottle? Are all bottles created equal?

Sometimes there does seem to be no real reason why a baby refuses the breast. I had all the experts stumped and havce occasionally been used as a case study in my area apparently.

It was suggested to me that dripping milk down my breast out of a syringe or feeding a little to ds before attempting to latch on might help.

The skin to skin did help a lot, ds didn;t latch on but he stopped being hysterical, in the bathj was very good.

Considering his low weight they didn't weight ds very much but looked for other signs.

More importantly a support network was put in place. I had a different support group/visit etc to go to every day.

Thank you again!

I acknowledge that I am far from an expert and that there could easily be confusion about what was said by whom.

I really, really don't want to point fingers. I just want to help a friend who is a first time mum.

I very much appreciate your answers and know that there are limits to online advice through a third person.

I have been in a similar situation because of jaundiced/sleepy baby and I fully agree that the focus needs to be on feeding the baby rather than the method.

I feel slightly ridiculous because I have always thought that I had moderate feelings about BF but I feel very passionate about giving my friend and her precious son the best chance.

I am just not sure how to go about helping.

Islandofsodor: Your story in inspiring as it sounds like a similar start.

How brilliant and dedicated of you to persevere. Your son is blessed to have such a stubborn mummy!

I thought that I had a rough time with DD2 who would scream the house down at the breast for ages before attempting to feed and this only lasted for 2 1/2 weeks.

At the risk of boring even myself, this mum needs to tell people involved in helping that she is confused by the contradictory messages.

All you say, Mello, is fine (skin to skin and so on) but it may not be fine for this baby in this situation - for instance, nappy awareness (!) is good, but if the baby has lost a ton of weight, then weighing may be essential as a further check on his progress.

This mum is not helpless - she may feel overwhelmed and worried, but she has to take responsibility for her own confusion and get it sorted out herself.

Mello, maybe you can offer to make the call to the midwife for her, if she is really in a state?