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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Where have I gone wrong- did I hold ds (7 weeks) too often in the early weeks?

22 replies

Luise85 · 09/01/2009 16:32

I am sure the question sounds silly and also I have read many times that you can't spoil a newborn with cuddles BUT I can't help to wonder whether I have created a vicious cycle here. The first weeks I have been sitting on the couch holding ds for hours, whether he was sleeping or nursing (fully bf)-I barely put him down .DS is now 7 weeks and demands feeding still very frequently, every two hours or less.It seems like he's comfort suckling a lot and therefor doesn't finish a whole breast every so often which i guess means he won't be getting the hind milk (which then leaves him hungry shortly after again? )
He also only settles to sleep while feeding or when held. I haven't been able to distract him when he wants to come on the boob (rocking in arms, rocking chair,baby gym).
Is there anything I can do?

OP posts:

IAmTheNewQueenOfMN · 09/01/2009 16:34

he is 7 weeks
just feed him, dont try and stop him feeding
and yes he will be getting the hind milk

Pannacotta · 09/01/2009 16:38

What IAmTheNewQueen said....

Babies have very tiny tummies at this age anc need to feed little and often.

sfxmum · 09/01/2009 16:39

don't think spoiling, are you worried or tired wish things were different?
if not just carry on I held dd a lot in those days, didn't rock much but we never started any sort of order/ routine whatever you may call it until much later

and btw as a 3.7yr old she rations cuddles and kisses from parents and has been going to sleep on her cot/ bed for yrs

crokky · 09/01/2009 16:40

He sounds fine. You haven't done anything wrong, lots of babies are like this.

tiktok · 09/01/2009 16:44

Responsive parenting like this lays sound foundations for secure attachment, Luise, which means better mental and emotional health in childhood and adulthood, fewer behaviour problems in school, and more effective learning. There is a mountain of research about this.

In the shorter term, babies parented the way you are parenting your ds cry less at age 8 mths. They have built up a trust that their needs will be met and can wait a little for attention without whinging

Please don't worry about foremilk and hidmilk. It sorts itself out. You can search on my name and these terms in the archives for more info.

Your baby is normal and healthy and does not need to be 'distracted' - things will not be like this forever and you are doing everything right

bohemianbint · 09/01/2009 16:47

They're just like baby animals really, they just want their mums all the time. It'll pass, DS1 was held all the time and is now a ridiculously confident and fearless 2 year old. Doing the same with DS2. Hard work though!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 09/01/2009 16:59

it will pass. DS (16 weeks) was very clingy until recently, because we parented the way it felt right, co-sleeping, lots of cuddles, BF to sleep etc. he's got a lot easier to leave/put down to sleep and he's done it in his own time which i feel is very important. some babies are dreams and sleep happily in their moses baskets from day one and some don't. it's nothing you did (except responding to your baby's needs) and will pass.

TheCrackFox · 09/01/2009 17:00

I couldn't put DS1 or DS2 down when they were babies. When they started nursery when they were 3 yrs old they toddled off without even waving goodbye.

Babies need cuddling. You cannot spoil them.

MadamDeathstare · 09/01/2009 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poledra · 09/01/2009 17:13

Agree with what everyone else says. Have you tried a sling if you need to get on with other things? I bought a Close sling for DD3 and found it invaluable. She felt secure and safe, and I could get on with looking after the other DCs.

witchwithallthetrimmings · 09/01/2009 17:24

lots of people think the first three months post partum is actually like a fourth trimester of pregnancy (bit like a joey in a his mummy's pouch). They need to feel loved secure and be able to feed when they are hungry. tis perfectly normal

is also normal for you as mother in 21st century to feel a bit trapped and tied down ( i know I did and will do with dd due to arrive yesterday!). Thing is to remember three things 1) stage does not last for ever 2) baby is happy just being hugged next to you even if you are doing other things (reading, listening to music, doing chores, you don't have to concentrate 100% on her needs all the time. 3) your baby can and should be able to get comfort from others so that you should be able to get a break

good luck
witch

Pannacotta · 09/01/2009 17:37

Good point witch.
I don't normally recommend parenting/baby books but Harvey Karp's Baby Bliss is all about this theory and is very reassuring.
He says to cuddle and feed your newborn as often as possible and describes the first three months as the last trimester.

2catsand1rabbit · 09/01/2009 18:38

Hi, I had a similar problem and can offer you few tips.

If it's comfort feeding, why not give him a dummy? I didn't want to use one but it kept me sane.

When you feed him make him go for a bit longer by feeding him, changing him, then feeding him again.

I increased time between feeds by 15 minutes every couple of days, otherwise you're tied to the house.

As to giving him lots of cuddles carry on. You cannot spoil him with too much love!

Jennylee · 09/01/2009 19:29

I parent like this anyway and my 2nd dd can be put down sleeps in cots no matter how much i sit for hours holding her whereas my ds could not be put down, it may pass or your baby may have a personality where he just wants to be held a lot and it is nothing you have done. you are doing well it sounds like. I used a dummy for the clinging baby ds untill he was 8 months and it helped.

Tryharder · 09/01/2009 22:47

Both mine were/are parented like this. i can remember having days where I did nothing other than bf. DP would bring me cups of tea and sandwiches and he'd hold DS2 while I gulped them down. It is hard particularly if you're the kind of person who likes to be busy or out and about. I really wouldn't want to try and distract or otherwise control a baby this young or try and place your DS into a routine.

There is such pressure on us to be out and about and doing things from Day one - they don't have this in other cultures where it's considered acceptable to do nothing apart from bf for months after giving birth.

Some posters have suggested dummies - I personally wouldnt but up to you.

As others have said, this stage will pass so make the most of it - I watched every single episode of Sex and the City when DS1 was a young baby and every episode of HOUSE with DS2 - the joy of DVD boxsets....

splishsplosh · 09/01/2009 22:55

Both my dds have been like this
with dd1 I just found it a perfect opportunity to read lots
with dd2 (15 weeks) it's not so easy as I can't just sit around all day in the same way, but I found a niec wrap sling was fab, as when she's in that, especially when she was younger, she'd sleep loads while I was out and about or got on with other things. I think she thought she was back in the womb it was so cosy. So it's a good way to have a bit of a break from feeding and get on with other things if that's what you want to do

splishsplosh · 09/01/2009 22:56

that was meant to read a nice wrap sling

pasturesnew · 09/01/2009 22:56

Sounds like you are doing everything right, what I found helped was reasoning that feeding was basically my job for the time being and everything else could wait. So I got v comfy on the sofa with crap telly and although I went out for some fresh air each day we mainly nested at home for a while and when friends came round they made their own tea if they wanted it. It helped DH get used to our baby too, I think, as he felt useful tidying up around us when though he wasn't that confident with the childcare side of things.

bubbleymummy · 09/01/2009 22:58

You definitely aren't doing anything wrong. I barely put DS down in the first few months and if I wasn't holding him DH was! He is a very well adjusted and secure 2y9m old now and v independent! They will start to seperate more from you when they are ready - until then just enjoy all the cuddles - it really will fly by! Don;t worry about your milk either - if you're feeding him when he wants it your supply will adjust and he will settle down again - definitely agree with the DVD box set idea!

bubbleymummy · 09/01/2009 23:00

X-posted there but would def recommend wrap sling as well. As DS got older I was able to get loads done with him in it - he used to fall asleep as I vacuumed the house

gagarin · 09/01/2009 23:00

Luise - but you are doing all the RIGHT things! Good for you for being so responsive - that's just what he needs. And the 2 hourly pattern you describe seems fairly normal IMO.

If you are finding all the feeding tiring then how about going out for a walk to string him out a little? With him in a sling he would probably settle.

He'll grow up so quickly this time will soon be a pleasant memory - so enjoy all your time on the sofa!

Jennylee · 11/01/2009 17:20

Oh I meant to say the dummy helped him suck slightly less than 24 hours a day but he still wanted to be held all the time dummy or not, the only thing that helped with that was a sling.

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