Am I ever going to be able to give up breastfeeding? I need a plan - please help!

[SamJohnsMum]

My DS is only 7 mo now, but I really, really need a plan for giving up breastfeeding over the next few months. I originally planned to BF for 6 months, but DS had other ideas and has never taken a bottle.

I accepted this and decided to continue BFing for a few more months in the hope that I could get some formula and other milk products into his diet and gradually reduce the BF.

However, it has transpired that he has a cow's milk protein allergy and although the soya formula is going down well when mixed with rusk for breakfast, it makes cooking more tricky and adding milk products also tricky. I am posting more questions about this on the weaning thread!!

Anyway, he still wakes up two or three times between 7 and 7 (usually three, occasionally just one!!) although this is more during a cold/ teething phase. When he wakes, he uses me for comfort as well as a feed and rarely goes back to sleep without me, although he goes to sleep very happily on his own at the start of the night. When teething, he can wake up screaming just an hour after going to bed and only BF will do.

So, my question is - when this has been going on like this for months, and shows no sign of changing - how the hell am I ever going to stop BFing? I have no problem with other people BFing after a year - good for you, if you are - but I really, really don't want to do it myself. I don't know why - it's just not for me.

What can I do?????

Looked up bf books and suggest weaning off the breast lovingly and slowly, one feed at a time and substituting other loving and distracting activities, walks, games, food and drinks. Start with a less emotionally challenging feed ie not the night ones, and get him used a different routine. They say could take a couple of weeks to get them of the breast completely. I think for the harder night feeds, can Dad step in? would be hard for a while as he will protest but if the breat isn't right by him might settle when he realises it is not available. Also says when comforting them without feeding hold them cheeck to cheek with you rather than in a feeding style cuddle. Afraid I myself made mine go cold turkey but they were older (16mth & 23 mth) so didn't feel too guilty.

Like the pp says, if you want to initiate weaning, then one feed at a time and below 12 months you'll need to substitute with formula. Have you tried offering it from a cup, perhaps with a meal? Soya formula is not generally recommended, have you consulted someone about this? You could probably get a dietician referral from your GP which might be helpful. Usually the alternative to breastmilk in the case of allergy is hydrolysed formula based on cow's milk. It does tase yukky though, apparently.

The other thing to say is that what you describe sounds completely normal for a child of that age. That doesn't mean that it will be like that forever . By 12 months it would most likely be very different. Often people quite easily cut their child down to 1-3 breastfeeds a day by 12 months (with a bit of distraction, substitution with snacks etc). Doing a morning and bedtime breastfeed only can sometimes feel very different than the intense round the clock feeding -it's certainly a lot less demanding. And, by 12 months the milk/calcium requirements are much lower, so could be met fro a few big breastfeeds and other non-dairy dietry sources. I'm not saying you should do this, just that it's one option and that you might not know how you feel about only doing a couple of feeds a day until you get there and try it, IYSWIM.

Some people also find that even when they've stopped breastfeeding their child still wakes at night, only then they have no assured technique for getting them straight back to sleep, so can actually be more disrupted. If it is the night times that bother you the most, do you have a dh/dp who could get up and try to settle your baby for you perhaps?

Thanks for these initial ideas. My DH is actually very willing to step in at night, I guess it's me that's worried he might really be hungry and I'll be depriving him. It's good to know that this sounds normal - it's amazing how often we think we're the only people in the world with a baby who does a certain thing, isn't it?!!

Grendle, it was my GP who suggested soya formula when I asked her about his symptoms. I'll consult her again over this though - although I think she's a fab and respected GP, it might be that at the time she was recommending soya as more of an occasional substitute as she knows I have been BFing since birth so perhaps she might have a different recommendation if she knows I want to include more of it in his diet. I won't worry too much while he is having just 30ml with his cereal, but if I start to increase the amount I will consult her again. I will also bear in mind what you said about a 12mo - sometimes it's easy to forget how much changes in such a short amount of time with babies.

ohmeohmy -the cheek to cheek idea sounds very promising.

Thanks again for all suggestions -any others also very welcome!! Thank you for not criticising that I want to stop soonish x I just need hope that I can do it.