My friend is on the verge of giving up breastfeeding to her 9 weeks old baby..

Biglips · 2009-01-05T09:48:02+00:00

She was feeding her on demand with her baby...this is a 2nd child, every 2 hours. She introduced a dummy at 4 weeks as she was using my friends nipple as a dummy...it was getting abit better as it was every 3-4 hours for a feed. the baby had a formula once a day to top up, the baby was in a routine at xmas but now she had gone back to the every 2 hours feeds plus she still got her dummy. My friend said that every time she picks her up to feed her..she suck to have her milk for a few mins and falls back to sleep. The problem that it might be that she wont leave her baby to cry and is always picking her up but im not sure if thats the problem. She breastfed her son for 12 weeks till she put him on formula...it was the same thing happened.

electra · 05/01/2009 09:54

You can't leave a 9 week old baby to cry!

I think if formula is introduced this early it's fairly common for the mother to stop breast feeding because it affects supply and demand - especially at 4 weeks in (vv early)

Is she unhappy about giving up?

Pannacotta · 05/01/2009 09:58

Lots of 9 week old babies need to be fed every 2 hours, whether they are breastfed or forumla fed.
They have very small tummies at this age so need to feed little and often.
Breastfeeding a new baby and routine are not a good combination, if she does want to breastfeed then it would be easier for her to give up on ideas of a routine for a while...

27 · 05/01/2009 10:00

Feeding every two hours isnt that unusual. Could it be a growth spurt or something?
It all sounds very complicated - formula top up, dummy, routine?
Would it be easier to just feed on demand and forget about the rest of it?

Original poster

Biglips · 05/01/2009 10:01

yes you can leave a 9 weeks old baby to cry for at least 3 mins...what i meant was that as soon the baby start to cry she pick her up straight away.

well she really wanted to carry on but seems to be constantly hungry or maybe she aint getting enough?? i dont really know as i only expressed for the first month before i decided to bottle feed my dd2.

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littleboyblue · 05/01/2009 10:03

Was gonna say the same as Pannacotta about the routine thing. Am sure she can have a routine for every other aspect, it just might be easier to follow baby on the feeding front.
Some babies just need little and often, it'll all work out in time I should imagine.
The leaving to cry won't do any harm as long as it's not too long. It's not unreasonable to leave your baby while you finish washing up, hoovering the stairs etc, but maybe this baby just needs a lot of comfort at the moment.

Original poster

Biglips · 05/01/2009 10:03

she only managed to get the baby into a routine over xmas but now back to square one. i did mention to her that it could be a growing spurt or she just a very hungry baby.

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Original poster

Biglips · 05/01/2009 10:06

yes she is say that this baby is clingy too but she really wanted to aim for breatfeeding for at least 6 months but is really struggling.

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littleboyblue · 05/01/2009 10:09

9 weeks is still early for a routine though I think. I was lucky and managed to get ds into a suitable routine very early, but I ff. Can she give herself another week and see what happens then? Even if it gets a tiny bit easier then another week and so on, so she isn't commiting herself to this long term so taking some of the pressure off without completely giving up?

tiktok · 05/01/2009 10:10

Biglips, would your friend post here?

It is normal and good for a nine week old baby to have immediate attention when crying, and to be picked up when the baby signals she needs comfort. It is also normal for a baby to feed frequently, and for routines to change from time to time.

It may be your friend is confusing the normal behaviour and normal needs of a young baby with 'something wrong' - going with the flow and responding to the needs of a baby of this age makes life easier in the short term and the long term.

MrsBadger · 05/01/2009 10:18

tiktok is right

it can be tough to feed on demand with a toddler grabbing your knees - would a sling help?
actually it can be tough to get into the mindset of responsive feeding if she thought it was a 'problem' with her first child and went for ff / routine instead.

and where did it come from that it's 'ok' to leave a newborn to cry for 3 min? [boggles]

electra · 05/01/2009 10:41

I disagree that it is ok to let a tiny baby cry for any length of time - they get worked up into a rage very quickly. At this age they would also learn that their immediate needs are not met when they cry if not attended to. Personally don't see how any child of 9 weeks could be described as 'clingy'.

chequersandroastedchestnuts · 05/01/2009 10:52

My DD fed at least every hour in the day, often more frequently, until she was about 3.5 months old. I would have loved a gap of 2 hours between feeds.

chequersandroastedchestnuts · 05/01/2009 10:52

Also disagree that the baby should be left to cry.

Original poster

Biglips · 05/01/2009 11:09

i think she is trying to compare with her laid back first child as he was a good feeder. every child is different.

i let my kids cry out every now and again prob up to 3 mins....prob its not even 3 mins as prob its 1.

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bubbleymummy · 05/01/2009 11:25

Crying is the last cue that a baby will use that it needs attention and I would definitely respond immediately - esp at that age. Feeding frequently is very normal and helps to stimulate your milk supply (which may have been impacted by the introduction of formula) I would encourage to feed the baby as often as the baby wants for a few days and just let it settle down by itself. Her supply will adjust accordingly. Ignore the housework and get a big stack of books and toys close by for the toddler!

littleboyblue · 05/01/2009 11:33

Just to stay on the crying thing for a moment, I have a 17mo and number 2 due in 5 weeks. My hv has told me if they are both upset at same time, always go to first born first as it won't hurt new baby to be left for a few momets. So it's ok to leave my baby to cry as long as it's not my first?
I left ds for moments here and there, if he cried while I was hanging washing up, doing washing up then he had to wait a moment or how else do you get anything else done? I don't think this had/has had any effect on him at all. He is a very happy, loving, friendly boy who rarely cries now and is perfectly ok in a room on his own or with people that aren't his mum.
Not saying it's right for every baby, but IMO, there's nothing wrong with leaving for a few minutes.
Crying is the only way a baby has to communicate, it doesn't mean something is seriously wrong every time.

taliac · 05/01/2009 11:41

The crying thing is confusing because sometimes babies - even tiny ones - can have a cry that is a sort of self settling moany kind of cry. Or at least mine did. It didn't mean "I want attention", that sounded louder and more urgent.

I would never leave a properly crying baby, but I did leave DD2 when she was making this low pitched moany kind of cry - it was generally a precursor to finding her thumb and settling herself off to sleep. At a guess it meant "hmm I'm sort of awake but I want to be asleep, now how do I do that again".

With DD1, I picked her up at the first sound and fed her - this was the precursor to months of broken sleep for both of us as she over time developed a need to feed as a sleep cue.

HOWEVER as we all know, every baby is different, just because this was true for mine doesn't make it true for everyone. And if in doubt I would always comfort the crying baby.

AuntyVi · 05/01/2009 15:12

Is the baby falling asleep before she has had enough milk? My DS was a very sleepy baby and used to fall asleep after feeding for just 2 mins or so... then would wake up and cry again as soon as I tried to settle him back to bed, and then fall asleep again when I tried to feed him more. It was really frustrating, especially in the middle of the night, and made it very hard to get him properly full up. We worked through it by trying various (gentle!) ways of waking him up to finish his feed - from stroking his palms, to changing his nappy mid-feed instead of afterwards, or putting him gently on the floor which usually woke him enough to continue the feed. That way I could get his tummy full enough and then he would sleep for a few hours afterwards. As he got older he stopped being so sleepy and was able to stay awake for a full feed without any help.

AuntyVi · 05/01/2009 15:19

Is the baby falling asleep before she has had enough milk? My DS was a very sleepy baby and used to fall asleep after feeding for just 2 mins or so... then would wake up and cry again as soon as I tried to settle him back to bed, and then fall asleep again when I tried to feed him more. It was really frustrating, especially in the middle of the night, and made it very hard to get him properly full up. We worked through it by trying various (gentle!) ways of waking him up to finish his feed - from stroking his palms, to changing his nappy mid-feed instead of afterwards, or putting him gently on the floor which usually woke him enough to continue the feed. That way I could get his tummy full enough and then he would sleep for a few hours afterwards. As he got older he stopped being so sleepy and was able to stay awake for a full feed without any help.

SydneyB · 05/01/2009 16:37

My DD fed every 2 hours until 6 mths and DS, 12 weeks, shows every sign of doing the same. Actually, its been hourly today. They do get quicker at feeding as they get older. DS is done in 15 mins now which means that DD gets my attention again more quickly. Re crying, there is no way you can be at home with two under two and not leave one or more crying for at least 3 mins from time to time...

idontbelieveit · 05/01/2009 16:58

LBB, i've read the exact opposite view to your HV that it's ok to let a toddler have a moan as they already have a strong attachment to you and have bonded and are secure (assuming you met their needs when they were tiny) whereas a tiny baby is still forming connections in it's brain that will be jeopardised by being left to cry (this is probably a bit simplistic but you get the gist).

I think on balance you have to treat each crying situation as it arises once you have more than one child, obviously you have to respond immediately if your toddler is in danger or has had a bad fall or something.

sorry for the hijack!

To the OP - I wouldn't leave a 9 week old to cry and feeding on demand is the way to go if your friend wants to keep breastfeeding.

littleboyblue · 05/01/2009 18:12

idbi That's what I would have thought too, the toddler would have a bit more understanding and while you hold baby you can soothe toddler and reassure with words until you are free to give complete attention. Lots of very different advice out there and think we all have to do what we believe is best for our individual child/baby.

Again Biglips sorry for hi-jack

Original poster

Biglips · 06/01/2009 10:51

Littleboyblue - haa no worries, i go to the baby first as i couldnt leave the poor baby sobbing.

so its best to leave out the routine for now...think she is trying to do it before she goes bk to work in may-june.

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Original poster

Biglips · 06/01/2009 10:52

thanks for all your advices everyone

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