Tongue tie, Thrush, Bottle confusion - please help my friend!

[Cyee]

Hi all,

You were all tremendously helpful to me when I was bfing my DD so I am now on here asking for advice for a friend. Thanks for reading and thanks especially for any advice/support. Here's the overview:

• Baby born on time 5.5 weeks ago, birth pretty standard with a few interventions
• Baby chewing on nips, swallowing blood etc., he took a few weeks to get back to birth weight
• Despite trying to improve the latch and trying different feeding techniques the problems persisted and mum started expressing. Very occasionally they give a small top up of formula
• Someone had a look in baby's mouth and suspected tongue tie. It was confirmed as complete tongue tie and decision taken to have the snip. Baby bf'ed much more effectively immediately after the procedure.
• At 'snip' appointment, thrush was also diagnosed which explained the horrendous pain she'd been experiencing. She continued to express (and occasionally top up with formula) while thrush was sorted out
• Now however, Baby doesn't really want breast, prefers bottle. He spends a few minutes with good open mouth but not really feeding. If he does latch on he feeds for 5 mins max and readily wolfs down ebm top up if offered. This of course makes sense considering he has been pretty much entirely bottle fed for a few weeks and from a young age.

SO - mum is beyond exhausted as you can imagine as he's quite a tearful baby as well. So she's had barely any sleep, is pretty much attached to her breast pump and the next few days are going to be joyous as her DH goes back to work so she's going to have to do everything on her own. She's absolutely determined to breastfeed so is going to call the counsellors etc. However I wondered if any of you wise ladies (or men!) have any tips/personal experience/words of advice that may help her as well. I was a bit useless as I can only think she needs help reintroducing the breast again... but of course I have no idea how.

There's probably WAY too much background here, but wanted to give the whole picture. Really appreciate your help and know my friend will too.

Thanks!

Just wanted to add I have read the archive stuff on MN as well (on tongue tie and relactation) which has been great. But would still be grateful for any personal experiences/words of encouragement etc. Thanks a million.

only words of encouragement I can give are to use every offer of help available (and look at mums net as it makes you know you are not alone), call all bf councilors/midwifves/health visiutors you can untill someone helps and then to remeber that it does get better, wishing your friend all the best. My ds was tonge tied and it is so so much better since he was cut 3 weeks ago

What a difficult situation for you to find yourself in, supporting your friend through such a stressful time. It's so hard to see people we care about struggling when we want the best for them.

Often the best thing a friend can do is just be their friend. You can point her to sources of support and help, such as this forum, or by giving her the national breastfeeding helpline number (0844 20 909 20), but ultimately only she can take the steps she needs to sort out her situation.

Is there anything practical you can do to help her as her dh returns to work, maybe cooking a meal for them or helping her with some housework (if she would be OK with that and you're near enough)? I'm sure your listening ear and just knowing you are there for her will already be more helpful than you can know.

Difficult situation for her as of course her LO knows it is much easier to get milk out of a bottle than the breast now.
She could try lying down with LO and feeding that way - that was how I had to feed DS before his tongue-tie was snipped and also after - it took a while before we could feed sitting up!
She could also try increasing skin contact - skin to skin, lying down, he might start to nuzzle up and have a go - once he gets going, it will improve of course.
She could also try to bring the milk down herself to start him off - just using her fingers, get some on the nipple and aim the nipple into his mouth, see if he gets the idea.

The biggest thing though is for her to relax about it - if she is exuding stress about it, he will pick up on it and they will both get frustrated and upset. I know that is easier said than done but it is important that she doesn't beat herself up over this. Little steps - as he gets stronger with stronger sucking muscles, he will be happier on the breast.

HTH!

Oh yes, and I would strongly recommend that she IGNORES EVERYTHING ELSE IN THE HOUSE! Housework can always be done later - I was extremely lucky that my MIL was over from Australia for the first 6 weeks after DS was born - she was a star. It gave me the space to lie in bed with DS most of the day, to allow him time to feed. When MIL went back home, DH was warned that I would NOT be picking up the slack for quite some time as we still had other issues with DS (inguinal hernia) and his needs were paramount.

So, suggest to your friend that she just concentrates on being with her DS, lots of lovely together time, relaxing together, skin to skin, lying down - I hope it works for her.

Thanks for these responses, they're very helpful indeed. I think I will pop some food over to them especially this week when her DH is back at work. Good idea!

One of the things I find amazing is the pressure we women put on ourselves. My friend is surrounded by people who both want to support her choices as well as looking out for her mental health. But she feels like such a failure because she isn't breastfeeding him 'normally'. We're our own worst enemies sometimes.... Thanks again