not sure if this should be in ´sleep´ but how can I get us out of this cycle we seem to have fallen into?

[MavYourselfAMerryLittleXmas]

I still bf ds (20mths) once a day, at bedtime. He enjoys this feed very much and while for a few months has been happy for this to be at bedtime, and has fallen asleep while feeding, he is now often asking throughout the day (I refuse/distract as i don´t want to go back to feeding more) again. At bedtime he is thrilled when we go off to his bedroom for the last feed but has stopped falling asleep and once he has finished and I try to take him off he gets upset and cries for it over and over. I can´t settle him at all without putting him back on and have to hand over to dh. He holds his arms out immediately for dh and is then settled quite happily within minutes.

This can´t carry on, dh studies in the pm and I do bedtimes, dh has had school hols over xmas so not a problem but is now going back and I need to be able to get ds down on my own.

What should I do? I thought of giving him a feed about 30mins before bed to seperate it from the going to sleep part of the routine but think he´ll still expect it when I then try to put him down and get wound up/upset when I refuse it. Or do I just have to accept that and battle through it? anyone been here?

bump

hi! my Ds is 27months and still bf at night, although sometimes i do give in when he is sick and give him a feed during the day.
i found that you just have to persist, i told my ds that if he didnt go to sleep with bf then bf was going to stop as he was getting to be a big boy.
strage question also do you feed him from both sides, even if my son is nearly asleep and i take it off him he wakes, so i give him other side and then he settles completely.
IMHO i would just persist, close the door and make sure his dad has kissed him goodnight etc and is well out of the way.
hope this helps or that someone with more knowledge comes along!

I don't have a baby this old, but I've had to do some work to break a feeding to sleep association in my 8 month old. I think feeding him half an hour before is a good idea. Then maybe reading him the same book before he goes to bed, and making sure you do things in the same order every night. Could dh settle him for a few nights just while you do this and break the feeding to sleep association? Otherwise, you may well have to put up with some protests until he gets used to it. Good luck!

I still feed dd (17m) but have given up feeding-to-sleep at bedtime in the hope it'll help her settle herself better if she wakes in the night (no sign yet, ho hum)

but we did as you can't - I do stories, bath, pyjamas and last feed (usu in the bathroom), then dh takes her upstairs and puts her to bed without milk.

if ds really settles 'within minutes' for dh, could you (if only temporarily) rearrange the evenings chez mav so he can take 10min to do this, maybe whil eyou cook dinner or something|?

DS always fed to sleep but I found that if I watched him, I could detatch him when he was just about asleep and cuddle him to sleep instead. If he woke up and cried I gave him his milk again and then repeated. It can take a while but eventually they will fall asleep off the breast. Now he will have his bedtime feed but will roll off me and fall asleep with maybe a cuddle or a pat if he is a bit restless. It also helped to get him back to sleep at night - he didn't always need milk (unless he was thirsty) - a pat or a cuddle would be enough to reassure him and he'd go back to sleep himself. I think this started just before he was 2....I have recently found that Elizabeth Pantley recommends something similar in her book - "No cry sleep solution" so maybe reading that would give you a few more ideas?