can u share a positive story with me when you stopped b' feeding your dc during the night??? he is crying with dh and I am finding it quite hard not to go up and feed him......

[papaya]

ds wakes every 40min to 2 hourly through the evening. On the rare occasion if I go out, he refuses a bottle (excl b'fed) and will settle quickly and sleep through most of the night with anyone else but me. he eats well during the day and feeds at least 4-5 times, this evening we are going to try and get him to sleep through for at least part of the night by doing pick up put down....

how did you stay strong?! I can hear him crying upstairs with DH and I want to go and give him my boob!!

he is 10 mo btw!

can I say something to everyone - stop reading those bloody books!!
thanks - needed to get that off my chest

I really wouldn't worry about his naps or even his sleep at night. He sounds very normal - would it help to remember that it's a stage which will pass?
I really think it's much less stressful for you both if you just feed him when he cries, IMO babies whose needs are met in this way are generally pretty secure and the night wakings will reduce as he gets older.
HTH

yes it does jamilovesanta x hard as he has been like this from birth and as he doesnt sleep in the day much its like 24 hr around the clock with no break! He's just started biting me during night feeds as well so thats not great either!!

I do feel for you as well, my dd slept so badly for years and it was truly dreadful. If he won't contemplate a bottle have you tried a beaker of water? sometimes my dd was just plain thirsty (but most of the time she was just after a bit of mummy milk . Hang in there, you will get there in the end although I know it feels endless now.

My dd is 13mo, a couple of months ago we started trying to extend the amount of time between feeds at night as she was waking very frequently. DH started settling her to sleep after I had fed her, we now have a bed time of 8pm, earlier if she seems tired, and if she cries for more than 10mins then we get her up and try again in half an hour or so. Dh sleeps next to her (we have a bedside cot) and settles her if she wakes before 1am. We did have a couple of long nights, were she really did cry, first night she sobbed, second night she shouted. Now she is generally happy to go to bed without being fed to sleep and both of us can settle her with shush pat. We try to rub her tummy and sing to if she wakes in the night and often this works. She will try to go back to sleep when she wakes up without demanding a feed. We don't leave her to cry ever, we just are negotiating feeding. I could not have survived this year without our bedside cot. Hope it gets easier for you

How nice to have a thread which isn't descending in yo the 'let him cry it out' style of advice.

He is very young and it's not his fault(or yours) that he has this pattern. Going with the flow is truly exhausting, but I believe it makes for happy, well-adjusted children and a close relationship.

And the fun really starts when you also have a waking toddler!

hangingbelly he will wont entertain anything else but my boob, during the day he will happily guzzle water at meal times from a beaker or a bottle, but there is only one thing on his mind at night time, and nothing else will do!

papaya just read this,to from another thread, thought you might find it useful/ reassuring
www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

thank you pannacotta thats a helpful link going to have a look over it in a min

jammilovessant - poor you I couldnt imagine contemplating how I would manage working with a baby like mine at the moment! my 3 year old was the complete opposite and a fab sleeper etc, such a shock to the system, and after 10 months it really is starting to feel like its a bit too much, have glanced over the link and I think I may wait until after his 1st birthday and then see how things are

my ds is 11 months and I am going to stop bf in the next three weeks. until 2 weeks ago he fed8pm, 11pm, 2am, 5am, and woke any number of times in between. We got to the end of our tether and started some controlled crying, being very precise to reassure often. He now goes 8 to 8 with a 3am feed, which I will push to 4 then 5 then stop.

Exhaustion made me strong to be honest.

But (and this is right for my son I am not saying it is right for any other dc) it has reversed some vicious circle. my ds is very skinny and small and I always thought I was doing him good by nightfeeding him still. now he is feeding less he is eating loads and is putting on weight so quickly his cm felt it not having had him for just one week. when she took him from me her face was a picture.

so for me it was the best thing I ever did.

He no longer manages to bf himself to sleep as he is already full of solids, so I leave him awake and he just goes to sleep.

hope this helps you decide what is right for your child

My DS continued to wake for the odd night feed until he was 2ish - can't really remember when he stopped tbh because we co-sleep. Sometimes if he stirred he could be settled with just a cuddle or a reassuring pat but sometimes he just wanted milk and I went the easy route and let him have it! He stopped all by himself and asks for water if he wakes up thirsty (2.75 now)and pretty much sleeps straight from about 10/11 when we go to bed (which sometimes disturbs him) to about 8.30am. I think they'll all do it when they're ready and it's so true that it passes so quickly! I'm glad I have another one on the way!

If it was me I would go out in the daytime instead. They can smell your milk if you are in the house so of course he will cry for you.

BTW I mean do that to try and get him to take a bottle so then DH could do some night feeds. I would aim to reduce the night feeds not stop them altogether.

I seem to be going against the grain here but I disagree. He is 10 months! He doesn't need to be feeding all night. Yes you don't need to eliminate all those feeds but it sounds to me like he is waking and nursing to get himself back to sleep because he can't self settle.

We have had this issue with my DS and been dealing with it by sitting with him patting and shushing instead of feeding, if he was waking less than 3 hours between night feeds. He is getting much better at settling now and only feeding a couple of times in the night. If he wakes we wait a minute or two before going in to him and usually he now settles himself back down before we have to go in and help. It took time as we didn't leave him alone to cry but it is really working for us.

Eventually I am going to try and phase out his early morning feed but am happy to wait a while as it is SO much better now - not suffering from sleep deprivation anymore and I feel much happier that he can get himself to sleep now most of the time.

papaya,

I am in the same dilemma with my DS although he is a bit older (nearly 13 months). We did our first night of 'sleep training' (hate that term) last night which meant DH was supposed to rock him to sleep instead of me BF him. He cried for an hour, poor little mite. I hated it and called for DH to bring him in but DH (pretended) not to hear me. Don't know what to do tonight now - whether to keep going or just feed him as normal.

All those who said 10 months is too young, is 13 months too young too? I just feel like the longer I leave it the harder it will be to stop...

DS used to wake and feed back to sleep quite a lot during the night. I always fed him to sleep but I found that if I watched him and detatched him when he was just starting to drift off he would fall asleep without having to suck on me! Sometimes he did wake up right away and look for milk again and I would let him have it and then do the same again. GRadually he started to just feed when we first got into bed and then he would roll off me and go to sleep by himself with me just cuddling/patting him. This meant when he woke during the night I could just pat him or cuddle him and he would fall back asleep by himself without latching on - unless he was genuinely hungry/thirsty. Maybe you can try that? It doesn't involve any crying or a stressed out/worried/upset mummy !

tinierclanger - I think most people know that he doesn't NEED to feed all night long at 10 months, which is why the OP is looking to reduce it and try and find a way of helping him sleep a bit more.

that's a really good idea bubbleymummy, I'm going to try that tonight

chloemegjess - I posted that because there seemed to be a number of posts saying he was too young for night weaning or any kind of sleep training. IMO, if he is old enough not to need to feed all night, he is old enough to be left with OP's DH to comfort him.

Papaya, I have one!

When DD was 10 months, I had the same issue. I finally decided that enough was enough.

I chose a day when I felt strong, and stopped night feeds. BUT I have a bedside cot, so I put the cot side down, and every time she looked for comfort by feeding, I made sure the duvet was covering my boobs, and then gave her a big cuddle. I told her she was a big girl now, and that she could do it. At first she cried a little, but she soon realised that she wasn't going to get more than a cuddle. I cuddled her to sleep instead.

6 months on, we have finally got to the stage where she can be put in her cot awake, and she settles herself to sleep.

She has never been left to cry, and she has never had to 'get over it', but by gradually moving from breastfeeding, to cuddling, to holding hands next to her, to holding hands through the bars of the cot (long stage...) to lying on the bed next to the cot but not touching her, we have taught her that she can settle herself to sleep.

The method we used is a bit of a cobbled version of the Dr Jay Gordon method and the No Cry Sleep Solution, with a bit of the baby whisperer thrown in for good measure.

I don't think it is too young at 10 months, IF you are confident that he is not waking because he is hungry - ie. 2 min feeds every 2 hours.

I didn't try sleep training with DD1 until she was 2 because she genuinely seemed to need a cup of milk in the night. She didn't want attention, just milk. When we finally decided to crack down, she had already decided that she didn't need it anyway and had started sleeping through.

With DD2, I knew that she was waking just for the enjoyment of latching on for 2 minutes. So I made changes for my good.