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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

"Don't cosleep if you are very tired"..so should i not be co-sleeping with newborn? MW says no....

29 replies

hattyyellow · 31/12/2008 16:27

would welcome any advice..dd3 is 5 days old and i'm breastfeeding. i've had her in bed with me, with pillows,duvets etc away from her..and have been feeding on demand through night..with other children already and tired from the birth it seemed easier at this stage than trying to settle her in moses basket which she hates..

community midwife has been and said i should not be co-sleeping and new mothers are too tired to co-sleep an may well roll on baby..

i'm sure this has been discussed before..any advice?

i do need to get her to start settling in her basket during the day as i need to be running after my two pre-schoolers, but i dn't have the energy at night just now to be spending hours trying to settle her in basket..

OP posts:
chequersandroastedchestnuts · 31/12/2008 16:30

Don't know but this one has always confused me. What new mother is not tired?

I do co-sleep with dd normally when she wakes at about 5 as it is not worth the bother of getting her back in her crib. We've got a super king sized bed and a bed rail and I just shuffle over to the middle of the bed where I couldn't roll on her unless I rolled over twice. I don't put her between DH and I though.

constancereader · 31/12/2008 16:32

A different midwife would give different advice, mine seemed to think co-sleeping was a perfectly reasonable choice.

I just made sure of no pillows, on top of duvet and no drinking. Three months later she is still in our bed.

Congratulations on your new baby!

Pannacotta · 31/12/2008 16:35

Agree with constance, two of my MWs said it was fine, other didn't.
We co slept with both DSs, makes b-feeding much easier IME and also it far easier for everyone to go back to sleep after a feed.
I was very careful to keep duvets/pillows away (we used sheets and blankets when both were newborn), other than that I had no concerns.
Congrats on your baby...

BCLass · 31/12/2008 16:36

I think tired is defined as less than 4 hours sleep night before, but don't know how I know this.

foxytocin · 31/12/2008 16:41

I had dd2 3 months ago.

We have co-slept from day1.

DD1 (3yo) broke her leg the morning dd2 was born and was in a full leg cast for 5 weeks.

DH went to work abroad 12 days later. I have no family nearby to help. Plus I had pretty bad SPD which is only now just disappearing.

Co-sleeping definitely helped me manage to deal with both on my own.

That, plus a sling plus going to bed early.

I have never felt sleep deprived because of using these 3 things to help me.

Co-sleeping every night - a lifestyle commitment to it - stops a new mum from becoming overtired in the first place.

HTH

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 16:53

People get in a huge flap about this. I have always co-slept with mine, including when knackered, but then I don't drink much and have never done drugs (which would make it a big no no). There is also plenty of room in the bed.

You have to make sure they don't overheat and don't get smothered by bedding - as I recall they usually need a layer less than you do because of their nappy, and their face well out of the bed (check this advice on specialist websites though).

Some research carried out into this, in which them filmed families co-sleeping, showed the mums instinctively cradling the baby with the mum's knees drawn up underneath, and this is certainly how I ended up positioning myself.

The other interesting thing was that nearly all the time one part of my brain was alert to the needs of the baby so I would wake up quickly if it started snuffling or whatever. The one exception to this was the memorable night when the baby breastfed himself perfectly happily in the middle of the night without me waking up!

A bit of me thinks this is what the mothers of babies are meant to do in nature to ensure sufficient sleep for the mother, and warmth, food and attention for the baby. But who knows?

MamaHobgoblin · 31/12/2008 17:16

I can't believe that any new mother would be so out of it that she'd roll on her newborn. You just sleep with that part of you switched on, so I can't see it being a problem. I'd do without a duvet and use sheets and blanket, maybe?

I had to stay in for several days after having DS and the hospital MWs were always pushing co-sleeping/feeding while lying down! They had a stash of bedguards...

treacletart · 31/12/2008 17:29

I've co-slept with my dd (17m ) since day one and its far less tiring than getting up to feed during the might - I've hardly lost any sleep at all in fact. Obviously you'll take all the sensible precautions but enjoy snuggling up with your tiny one it's a very special time for you all. A bedside crib, flush with your own mattress that you can take the side off is very useful and I'd second the recommendation of a sling too I used a ring sling and it was fantastic! Congratulations btw!

gagarin · 31/12/2008 17:35

www.babyfriendly.org.uk/pdfs/sharingbedleaflet.pdf

This is the Unicef leaflet on the subject.

Have a read.

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:23

Good leaflet.

That is the position that naturally felt right to me. I have also fed whilst walking around doing chores, by putting the baby into a sling.

I do have a crib by the bed where I put the baby if I really want to have space to myself, and put the baby to bed there first thing, moving the baby into the bed later in the night when they need feeding, and keeping them in there for the rest of the night.

whomovedmychocolate · 31/12/2008 18:25

I always assumed tired was being used as a synonym for drunk actually.

I coslept with DD until her snoring drove me demented. I should take the MWs advice with a big fat pinch of salt.

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:27

I have never seen any actual evidence of bf mothers squashing their children, only drunken fathers.
I vaguely remember reading that sleeping this was results in fewer cot deaths, statistically speaking, because mothers were more attuned to babies' sleeping patterns. Anyone else read that?

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:28

this way

kayzr · 31/12/2008 18:37

I find it quite amazing to look at that leaflet and also a BF book I have and see that sleeping position. Thats how I have slept when DS2 has been in our bed. I never realised it was a suggested way to sleep.

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:39

babyreference.com/Cosleeping&SIDSFactSheet.htm

I think this refers to some of the things I must have read.

Aitch · 31/12/2008 18:42

i co-sleep with dd2 on purpose, and did it a lot of the time by accident with dd1. we have those moulded pillows, the memory foam ones, which don't move an inch, so we put her swaddled into that gap between us.

like whomoved says, i've always assumed 'tired' meant as in 'tired and emotional as a newt', tbh. this surely is how people interact with their children naturally?

CaptainCaveman · 31/12/2008 18:45

Have also been co-sleeping with ds2. I didn't with ds1 and was knackered from getting up in the night to feed him. Ds2 is 5 months tomorrow and I have never worried about squashing him (although dh has) - think as other posters have said, you are more attuned to your lo.

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:48

God forbid, are we saying here that mothers instinctively know how to look after their children ... ?????

Aitch · 31/12/2008 18:52

and that midwives should keep their sticky beaks out?

i think we are, boffinmum.

fishie · 31/12/2008 18:54

yes it must be when you get pissed and pass out on them on the sofa that this advice is coyly alluding to.

i had ds sleeping on my stomach for the first week or so because it was so gigantic and he was so small. he got bigger and went beside me in bed, where he is still to be found from about 5am. tum has subsided a bit.

BoffinMum · 31/12/2008 18:59

Aitch, community mw told OP not to co-sleep ... so had sticky beak in!

Aitch · 31/12/2008 18:59

sleeping with a baby on a sofa is, i believe, the real danger.

Aitch · 31/12/2008 19:00

i know, boffinmum, it's their default position...

gagarin · 31/12/2008 19:07

But if anything untoward happened to anyone's baby when co-sleeping IF the midwife had not said what she did then she's be professionally at risk for not giving appropriate advice.

So I would say that the midwife is not saying anything more than what is in the Unicef leaflet - it's just a shame that she didn't go on to say the rest of the information too!!

Podrick · 31/12/2008 19:10

I suggest using the Brio bedside cot or similar...the baby has her own bedding and can't be squashed.