I want to keep BFing but feel like I'm starving my son

[chandellina]

Ok, I know I'm not the first to have these problems but I could use some support and advice.

DS is 4.5 months old and breastfeeds at least 8 to 10 times a day. It's rare that he can go more than three hours between feeds, night or day. Each feed takes between 25 and 45 minutes. I nearly always have to end the feed because if I let him stay on, he will go indefinitely - 75 minutes or more when I've let him linger.

He was 50th centile at birth but took three weeks to get back to his birth weight and hung around the 9th centile for a while. He had started to creep up toward 20th in mid-October, which the last time I had him weighed until today.

Today he was back near the 9th centile.

I am now convinced once and for all that my milk supply is just crap and that he is taking so long to feed because he is waiting for the milk to come in as he feeds.

I've already done all the things to boost supply at various times, like taking Fenugreek and expressing. I still feel like I am just not giving him enough though.

We were giving one formula bottle a day around the time he was moving up the charts, and he can guzzle 8 oz. no problem very quickly so I do feel the issue is me, not him.

The past month we cut out formula entirely because we were out of the country, and I felt proud that he was exclusively BF. We thought he was thriving and were sure he was gaining well.

I'm about ready to throw in the towel - one, because I want him to thrive and two, because I'd like to sleep more than a couple of hours again and not have to worry about where I'm going to feed him every time I step out of the house for more than an hour.

Any advice??

Hello

I haven't energy to read all posts as have been talking about BF for most of the day [sorry]...but, has anyone investigated whether your LO has tongue tie?

Where do you live?

This sounds normal. My ds's weight gain plateaued at around 5 months (he is 8mths now) and, like you, I was worried that he wasn't getting enough milk. He was born on 50th percentile and dropped to the 9th. I know, too, how tiring it is - ds was up 3 times in the night until he was over 6 months old and we had established weaning (and I got tough about the night feeds!). It is so hard, but try and remember that things will get better and you are doing so well.

You should try to ignore the charts - if he looks like he's thriving I'm sure he's ok.

Incidentally, even though ds is weaned and eats like a horse (3 meals + 4 bf a day) he has not gone back up the percentile charts

FWIW, I think topping up with formula is the beginning of the end (it was with my dd). I had doubts about my milk supply, but am so glad now that I resisted giving ds top-up feeds.

Hi there

My son was born on the 91st percentile, then I had trouble establishing BF for the first couple of weeks and he dropped down the chart a bit. Then BF was fine until 3 months and then he started really slowing up on the weight gain. I believe I finally found my answer on this website: www.drjacknewman.com I think my issues sound different from yours (ds fed for short period of time, but seemed contented)but I don't know if it may have some advice for you.

Despite health visitors saying I should wean him early, I waited because I knew he was happy and healthy (because he was very smiley and never ill and incredibly active!) and because I just knew. When I got him weighed at 6 months he was on 2nd percentile . But I don't regret waiting until 6 months and I intend to do it again with next babies.

I believe BF is incredibly important and a great start. However, you obviously need to make the right decision for you, because a happy Mum equals happy baby. When I started weaning my ds I introduced a bottle of formula and managed to keep up with BF too.

I also think it's worth bearing in mind that (I guess to encourage women to BF!?) pregnant women are not really informed about how time consuming BF can be or how different the experience can be from baby to baby. And most importantly, as someone as said before, how quickly things can change.

Sleep is obviously important for you and if you're not getting enough then something needs to give, but in my experience when it comes to the babies, everyone thinks that everyone else's babies are sleeping through when actually they're not! Babies sleeping through becomes such a holy grail, but you'll be there before you know it and these days will be a distant memory.

With regards to feeding in public, I must say that I found it slightly more difficult as ds got older, just because he was so aware of things going on around him and kept popping off. Perhaps you could contact your local NCT BF group, as they usually meet someone in public all together for a bit of moral support.

Anyway, huge well done for BF so far and hope you find some solutions soon.

I do agree that every Mum has to do what's best for her and her family, but I don't like the phrase 'a happy Mum equals a happy baby' as it is only used when someone is switching to formula, and implies imo that breastfeeding makes mothers unhappy.
Sorry to go off topic, but it's a bugbear of mine.

thanks everyone - i was offline for a couple days so couldn't reply until now. spillage - we did check for tongue tie - his poor latch at first made no sense but he now latches fine. It just took him quite a while to get the hang of it. I assumed he would become more efficient then too, but that's what makes me think it's my milk.

He absolutely loves to feed, and like I said earlier, will devour a bottle given the chance.

Re: feeding in public. Honestly I am not shy and i do feed him all the time in public. But it's still a bit of a stress because roughly half the time he will be having wind and start screaming and pulling on and off the nipple and it really attracts attention! he also does this when my milk is slow or finished. he is a very determined little boy and will start hitting me if he is not getting the milk fast enough!!

I just find that every time I leave the house the main question is: where and when am i going to feed him? And because he feeds for a long time, this means i only have two hours or less EVER when I am not feeding him.

I dream that I'm feeding him, and then i wake up because he's crying and it's time to feed him. AAARRRGGGH.

And i do think - no one is forcing me to do this - i could switch to bottles and he would be fine. I think I really would now, except I'm worried he'll still be unsettled all the time and i won't even have the nipple to quiet him down!

i think the breastfeeding gods really tested me this week - it must have been our worst week ever for sleeping, with lots of wakings after 30 or 45 minutes.

Last night he calmed down a bit, back to three hours, and it made such a difference.

The reality though is I need to stop at some point, because of going back to work. Plus I want to ttc again because he was a bit of a miracle conception and there's no time to waste if want to see if there could be another ...

in any case, i do appreciate all the advice and support.

Hi chandellina & a belated merry chrimstas!

I'm really really sorry to hear you had such a difficult week (especially during the holidays) and I do hope you get some help in the next few days so you can get some sleep which obviously you badly need. You're doing fantastically under very difficult circumstances, I know from my own experience with my 5 month old that lack of sleep is a total killer...

I have to disagree (partly) with some of what the others have said. I think what you're going through may well be normal; but it may well NOT be normal- for either you or your son. You are the only one who can say whether you think your boy is thriving or not, no-one can tell you that especially not by just reading your post, and I'm really surprised that so many people will rush in to say 'it's normal' just by reading a post by someone. I agree with the others though that percentiles will not give a definite answer. It could be severe reflux. It could also be that your breasts produce little for each feed, but enough on a 24 hour basis, meaning that your boy actually needs to feed that long to get what he needs. It could also be comfort-feeding on top of his actual feeding-for-nutrition. It could also be that this is his 'natural', 'normal' style of breastfeeding, which, however, is exhausting to you (and that's a valid thing to take into consideration too, it's not just the child's needs that have to be considered). Nobody who has answered your post could know any of this, and as I said I'm surprised they say 'it's normal' with such ease.

I would get advice- from a good, very experienced breastfeeding counsellor, who you could ask specifically to advise you on how to encourage bigger stretches between feeds. I wouldn't concentrate on latch, I know many bf counsellors seem to be obsessed with it, but to be honest, at 5 months I'm sure your son has his latch sorted out! I remember when DS & I had problems with our breastfeeding (a month ago) & I called a bf phone-line & they went on and ON about latch issues, when it turned out that there was no problem at all with my latch, it was just distraction which sorted itself out. So as I said, I would concentrate on getting SPECIFIC advice about increasing time between feeds, i.e. getting your DS to get bigger feeds in one go somehow (if possible). I would also get advice from a paediatrician, just to be on the safe side & make sure there is no real issue with weight- it does seem you're concerned with this, so why don't you just rule out any problems? There's nothing to lose with doing that. To be honest though, if he's peeing & pooing normally, & seems robust, he's probably ok weight-wise, but it could be taking him loads of time (for whatever reason) for him to extract the milk he needs on a 24 hr basis, meaning that he then can't sleep as much as he needs- which is also a problem. Hopefully you can soon get some advice, and not just people saying 'it's normal'. I think it's a bit irresponsible, to be honest, for people who don't know you or your son or your situation to say 'it's normal' without really looking at all the details.

I do hope you get some help & advice. The important thing is that you've done your very very best under VERY trying circumstances, and that's something to be very proud of. Breastfeeding is not easy for any of us (don't want to generalize but I do think it's often hard). But with a baby who feeds as much as yours does, it's even harder, so as I said you should be proud. Even if you decide to stop tomorrow, that's still a valid choice, the important thing is to be at peace with the choices you make & to make them for the right reasons (i.e. not out of desperation/exhaustion, but as positive, thought-out choices). Good luck! (will call you soon )