I think I am having a crisis.

[kayzr]

I am having another huge crisis though and could do with some help. It is very long and might not make sense. I cried for ages last night about it while feeding DS2 and he got soaked

I feel like I am missing DS1. It feels like I spend all day with DS2 on my lap. He is either feeding or he is asleep on me because he won't go to sleep in his moses basket.
I'm beginning to think it was far to early to have another, don't get me wrong I love DS2 and already can't remember what life was like without him. But I think that it's very unfair on DS1 because he had no idea what was happening. He is only 20 months old and I think if he was about 2 and 1/2 to 3 he would have understood what was about to happen.

The MW said its very normal to feel like this around days 3-5. But I can't help thinking that DS1 doesn't like me and that he resents the fact that I don't have time for him at the minute.

I think that it has something to do with BF. I can't help thinking that if DS2 was FF things might be easier. For example DH could feed DS2 while I played with DS1, gave him a bath or just spent some time with him.

The MW also said that when my milk comes in things should get better as DS2 will hopefully go in his moses basket. She has told me to start expressing in between feeds to help my milk come in faster and also DH will be able to give DS2 some EBM.

We've said we'll wait until the end of the week and see how I feel. If I still feel down and upset about it I might stop BF and FF but I'm not too keen on doing that. DH is happy for me to BF or FF. He said I shouldn't worry or care about what other people(like MIL) say or think if we do FF.

Oh and DS2 was 10lb 5oz when he was born on Friday. He is now 9lb 6oz so that has really upset me too as she said he was on the cusp of what he could lose and she was a bit worried.

I feel a tiny bit better this morning because we got some sleep last night, but I still feel like I'm struggling to have time to do things with DS1.

Thanks.

you poor thing, it's really difficult for you. Things will soon settle down though - including your hormones . In a few weeks DS1 will be totally used to DS2 and you'll have got back into a routine. In the meantime look after yourself and don't worry, basically you're all out of your comfort zone but this too will pass. Just think - in a couple of years you'll have two adorable little sons running around so excited about Christmas.

Firstly well done for coping with 2 tinies
And please don't worry about the weight loss too much, as I'm sure you know from ds1 as long as they are pooing they are generally fine. My dd has always been 'underweight' she was bf and she was just smaller than average, now at 2, she is finally in the correct clothes size for her age, but it took this long!
Have you thought about a sling for ds2? That way he can snuggle you but you can play/spend time with ds1. When you are breastfeeding ds2 maybe your dh could play with him or read him a story? Just trying to swap what you said round iyswim?
Rather than using your dh's help for feeding, which you might regret later as you might feel you missed out on it with ds2... you can get him to entertain ds1 while you have time bonding with ds2.
Hope that makes sense sorry if I'm rambling!
Its a good plan to give yourself a target like the end of the week, I gave myself until dd was 8 weeks old to see if I would continue to bf (had a bad start) it was good cos then it didn't feel like forever.
Best of luck

I have got a sling but not quite worked it out yet. I am going to have to watch the dvd that came with it and then use it.

I do feel a bit better now I have talked about it.

I am really hoping everything will settle down soon. DS1 was FF because I really struggled and the MW's were no help so I really wanted to BF DS2. Now the MW is brilliant and its me thats the problem.

DS was 4 when I had DD. He could amuse himself quite well playing lego etc but he did get quite jealous from time to time and I felt guilty that the marathon feeding sessions with DD in the early weeks meant I wasn't giving him as much attention as I thought I should (DD was 8lb 12 at birth and stayed above the 91st centile i.e. was feeding a lot!).

My mum and HV assured me that DSs behaviour and how I was feeling was all perfectly normal and I shouldn't feel bad.

Your baby is less than a week old, you are knackered both mentally and physically, so please give yourself a break. I was completely unprepared for the unfamiliar feelings of utter exhaustion and helplessness I felt during the first few weeks after the birth of DS. Do you have friends or relatives that can help with your DS1 during these early weeks? I was lucky that my parents and MIL were close by and could help out loads with DS when DD was a newborn.

Aside from the tiredness, when I had DD, I felt there was a big adjustment to go from 1 to 2 children, and there have been many threads on here on this subject. Again, your new baby is less than a week old so please give yourself a break.

Whether you ff or bf, you will still be spending a lot of time feeding and caring for your DS2 whilst your DS1 will inevitably have to amuse himself and become a bit more independent. Suggest you stick on Beebies or a favourite DVD and snuggle up for marathon sessions bf DS2 and cuddling DS1. I used to play lego with DS whilst sat on the floor bf DD...

It does get better, honest.

HTH

I remember this!

We have a 16m age gap between DDs. When DD2 was newborn, I would always be feeding her, or settling her or sleeping while DH took care of DD1, and I was so jealous, and missed my older baby.

But it soon settles down - you find ways to make special time for you & your older DC. And these months with a tiny baby pass so quickly, and soon you will be dealing with two toddlers both yelling for you at once!

It was difficult to feel almost like I was putting my relationship with DD1 "on hold" while I took care of DD2, but it wasn't really like that as I found out when I was more able to deal with both of them at once. And the time and care and closeness I invested into DD2 meant I really feel like I've got a strong bond with both of them now.

Plus the great thing about this age gap is the closeness they (usually) have to each other!

I managed to get a little time with DS1 earlier as DS2 actually went to sleep in his basket. I still feel like I am neglecting him though.

DH has 4 weeks of work and is being a great help.

I've decided to say I'll keep BF until Friday and then see how I feel and if I am happier then I will try to BF for another week and so on. So each Friday DH and me have said we'll have a chat about how I feel and then decide what to do from there. I think it will be easier than saying I want to BF until DS2 is 6 months old and then stopping before that and upsetting myself.

firstly congratulations! secondly it gets better.

i have an 11month gap between DS1 (14months) and DS2 (3months) and its tough going. Once BFing is established its much easier esp as you arent making bottles all the time. DS1 was a bit unsure of DS2 at first (not really jealous but didnt understand why someone else was with mummy) but he's settled well now. also not giving DS2 bottles initially helped as DS1 didnt associate BFing with milk - he was/is bottle fed.

i found that sitting on the floor crossed legged and BFing whilst playing with DS1 has helped as we do things together. CBeebies is also a godsend .

i promise it gets easier every day and you will start to enjoy having two so close. I have cried loads thinking i did the wrong thing having such a small age gap (and still get peed off with people telling me that i have my hands full - like i dont know it).

good luck and there will be light (or sleep at the end of the tunnel

Please don't panic, and please don't stop the BFing just yet.

Firstly the weight thing. DS lost over 10% of his birthweight due to initial feeding problems and I had a whole flap of midwives all over the place trying to get me to top up with formula which I refused to do. He took until 5 weeks to come back to birthweight but is thriving along the 50th now and couldn't be healthier.

Secondly the problem with splitting your time. I have no perspective on this as a parent because DS is baby no.1, but was the eldest of 3 and remember my Mum Bfing my younger brothers. She used to gather us all round her on the sofa while she was feeding and she would read us a book or we would sing nursery rhymes or something.
Can DH help with having DS2 sleeping on him while you get a bit of time with DS1? Hopefully once DS2 is a few days older he'll start to uncurl a bit and then find his Moses basket ok to sleep in.
Really hope things get better for you, hang in there

ah sweetie, you're doing ok. He was a big baby and like mine he's lost a bit of weight, it just seems like more as he was so big to begin with - take it one feed at a time and don't be putting too much pressure on yourself

DS1 is just in a period of adjustment and he and DS2 still have to get to know each other

it will happen I promise and remember although DS1 doesnt' know it yet he's probably just met his best friend for life in his little brother

Leonie, Sorry you feel like this too, hopefully it will get better for both of us soon.

DS2 seems to be alot happier with being in his moses basket today. He still wont sleep in it overnight but he will during the day.

Feeding feels 100 times better now.