got talked out of feeding a 4 week old who was asking for food - what happened to my confidence?

[unclefluffy]

One of the other mums in my ante-natal group talked me out of feeding my 4 week old when she asked for food again less than an hour after her last feed. At home I would just have fed her. She wasn't that hungry as she accepted a pinkie to suck and went another hour and a half before asking again, but I still feel bad about my lack of confidence.

The other mum thought demand feeding should include efforts to stretch the times between feeds. I don't disagree entirely - for example, I know DD asks for food when she has wind and would really benefit more from a bit of jiggling - but I don't want to withold food from a hungry baby. Does anyone have any confidence-boosting facts about demand feeding? Or has anyone successfully followed the other mum's path? I'm sure this will come up again.

I can't work out what has happened to my usual assertive self. On the advice of the same mum I bought dummies I didn't really think DD needed (I'm not against dummies - just unnecessary baby paraphenalia!). I was relieved when she just spat them out!

If your friend tries to be helpful again, tell her you are doing split feeds and this is the second half of the feed.

I find my confidence in demand breastfeeding my 6 week old dd is knocked whenever my mum is around, thanks to various little comments from her. Most recently when she saw me preparing to feed her 45 mins after she had finished feeding previously - "Again?? Lucky girl!" Not exactly negative, but not exactly positive either. I am sure the phrase, or at least the sentiment, "rod for my own back" is behind her comments.

I come on here and read about demand feeding to bolster my confidence again

Tell her the first feed was for your baby, but this one is for you.

DEmand feeding is the best and it works well for a long time.Mine were all bfed on demand and I couldn't understand why friends feeding formula would wait for a time~ its partly to do with not being ablr to reuse bottled milk~you don't have that worry with bfeeding.Feed as much as you can while in the phase of exclusive bfeeding~ it is the perfect newborn nutrition.The sad thing about formula can be when a feeding problem develops it can be serious ~failure to thrive has long term consequences.

Wem, I think it is hard when it is your mum criticising... but try not to get down - if your LO is happy and content then just continue. That kind of passive aggressive comment is harder to deal with than outright criticism. I can totally understand how that makes you feel. Try to ignore her!

To the OP - I think if your LO is demanding EVERY 45 mins or hour then it may be just a need to suck and then maybe a dummy could be introduced. If you are worried about getting dependent on a dummy, you can take the dummy away at about 12 weeks when your LO can suck a thumb or fingers. But if it is just sometimes that she wants to feed after an hour then just go for it.

I think a 2.5 to 3-hour gap between feeds is about right but it is not set in stone and the beauty of BFing is you can just whip that boob out whenever your LO gets a bit hungry/upset/tired... it is the ultimate cure-all! Do it with confidence.

fluffy, I wonder if the other mum is actually trying to make herself feel more confident about her own parenting choices by commenting on yours? Some of the baby handbooks claim to be supportive of breastfeeding but criticise feeding on demand and use terms like "snacking", and she may be following an approach like that.

Whether you do is your choice, not hers.

(FWIW my dd was a little and often sort of baby. She was 4lb4oz when she came home and if I had tried to "get her into a routine" or "stretch out the time between feeds" we'd have run into big trouble.)

neenztwinz, Just checking that you do understand that dummy's are simply substitute breasts. i.e. If the OP is happy to keep on nursing for nutrient and comfort, there is no advantage in introducing a dummy. Nothing wrong with dummys but IMO it is just something else to buy, keep track of, clean and store etc.

unclefluffy, It is just as valid to put you baby to your breast for 'just' comfort as it is for nutrients. I don't understand why so many people including health professionals fail to see this Our little babies need and want to be close to us and for nursing mothers this also includes our breasts.

Harder to do than say but I would try and avoid saying 'I am going to feed my DD' as that invites comments, just latch her on and if they make negative comments, try and think of a phrase that can be repeated...like 'thanks for your comment' or 'this works for my family' or 'we'll have to agree to disagree on this' and say it everytime she comments, she should get the hint eventually.

HTH

Keep your confidence and feed her as and when you/she pleases~had friends say to me ooh I couldn't b.f. as if its a bad thing but I didn't say anything when they were referred to paeds for f.t.t. but I was glad I made my own decision.TRy to work on confidence becos it can be in short supply in motherhood.

I followed the other mum's path. It worked for us (2 exclusively breastfed babies who slept well). Neither of you is wrong, there are lots of ways of doing it. If there was only one way we'd all be doing the same instead or endlessly debating it on internet forums with varying degrees of angst!

Babieseverywhere - thanks, yes I do realise what dummies are. I didn't use them myself cos my babies weren't 'sucky' babies and yes I think they are a faff. But, for many women, being a human dummy is no fun at all. Like I said, if it is just once or twice a day that the baby likes to have a suck just for comfort, that for me would not be a problem, but putting a baby to the breast every 45 mins to an hour all day would be a big problem (esp as I was BFing twins ).

I don't think that is what the OP is saying anyway. The OP is doing everything right as far as I can see.

The OP didn't say she was feeding her baby every 45-1hr, just that she did it this one occassion.

My guess would be that sometimes there is 10 mins between feeds, sometimes 4 hours. That's why it's called demand feeding.

Tell the woman to butt out - or at the least thank her politely for her noseiness concern and carry on doing things your way.

Even at nearly 5 months DS sometimes wants another feed an hour after he's had one, and at 4 weeks he was on and off my boob constantly some days.

your baby
your decision
no one elses business at all - especially if you were not asking for opinions.
My 11 month old has always been demand Bfed. I got all the rot comments about 4 hourly feeding and timetables etc but just ignored it as I knew that I was doing what suited me and my DS.

I think its hard at first at these sort of groups as well if you are trying to make friends and not want to cause offence. As for confidence I think you would be pretty unusual if after 4 weeks with a new baby ( I assume its your first) you were completely without doubt that everything you were doing was the right thing and weren't temporarily swayed by other peoples opinions.
Its worth trying to pinpoint some sort of snappy but kind sort of response to these sorts of things as unfortunately this is probably only the start of all sorts of busy body unhelpful comments about what YOU choose for YOUR child.
You sound like you are doing a great job with feeding.......