those with 3month old babies - do you have a bedtime routine? what is it?

[kookiegoddess]

I'd like to help my baby form an evening routine - everyone I know with a baby the same age seems to know that their baby will go down at a certain time, wake up at a certain time and sleep for a certain time etc at night and i'm soooo depressed that I can't say the same. DD has had a cold so routine out of whack, but as she's getting better and she's hitting the golden 12 weeks, I want to help her get into a routine. So any advice gratefully received. I'm feeling quite low about all this and really struggle, being a total control freak, to just go with the flow. Not being able to sit down and eat something in the day is bad enough without getting to dinner time, knowing milk supply is low and STIll being no closer to a proper meal. Also will be seeing more people over xmas period and at the moment there's no point plannign to see people in the evening because I can't say when she'll be asleep. PLEASE HELP!!

hi, there's really no clear time schedule for a 3 month old, seriously. start maybe by waking your DD every morning around the same time ( give yourself an hours' leeway) and try and put her down at the same time every night doing the same thing (example between 7 - 8pm). just go with the flow during the day. feed on demand and try and get some rest when she is asleep to build up your milk supply and it will all fall into place eventually. do you have anyone to take your DD while you have dinner? DH and i used to take turns in eating as my DD always had the habit of making herself known at that time.keep a diary of her sleeping and feeding habits as you might find 1 or 2 are at the same time every day and work around that. just remember that she will be going through growth periods where she will be feeding more and might not seem to have a routine, so the best thing is to relax and not worry about other people and their perfect time schedules and babies.hope this helps maybe and just enjoy your DD.

hi - please try not to worry about what other people's babies do (or what they say they do, not always the same thing ). It's hard when you feel that other babies are easier/sleep better than your own, but they all do things at different times. I knew very few people whose babies were that predictable at 12 weeks - there is such a pressure on to look as if you're coping that I think people can exaggerate without meaning to. Also, the patterns change all the time - my ds slept really well at 10 - 12 weeks, but now is still wakeful and restless and has a couple of night feeds (he is 8 mo). Other babies I know have done the opposite - so do try not to worry.

For what it's worth, we started a bed time 'routine' at about 6 weeks - we waited until ds seemed tired then gave him a bath, boob and put him down. At first this was at about 10pm when he went to bed, and we gradually moved it back as he started to get more tired in the evenings, until by about 16 weeks he pretty reliably went down at 7ish. trying to get them down in the evening before they're ready can be tricky though, as apart from anything else they can wake up at 4 am ready for the day! (happened to a friend of mine)

Anyway, sounds like you're doing great - it is hard, and maybe you need a break. Could you leave her with dh while you get out for a walk/ shopping etc - even an hour can work wonders? This stage is hard, but it will go really soon - try not to put too much pressure on yourself to get things as you think they should be, as it will happen naturally in time.

Sorry for the essay, I really recognised myself in a lot of what your wrote! It is only very recently that I have realised that there is not manual, no-one is about to come along and tell me what to do - so I've stopped reading books and seeing ds as a problem to be solved (if you know what I mean)

Good luck! x

i thought i'd be a routine person but have ended up at the other extreme of doing my stuff and A comes too, getting fed/changed as needed.

Evenings - from 7pm feed as much as possible, hopefully putting him in bouncer for a bit round 8 while I cook dinner, once he is stuffed wrap in swaddling blanket rolled like a sausage, put in moses basket, turn out light. If he's not happy after a couple mins. cuddle + feed more.
Result - usually is awake for a big feed between 10 and 11 and then passes out for 5-7 hours, then feed and another couple hours kip, then feed and if i'm lucky he'll be content while i get some more sleep.

I often go to friends in the evening or have them round and they can do the cuddling while he's awake, and usually round 10 he sleeps and i come home. he won't dreamfeed at all so gave up on it.

Of cousre last night he woke 3 times and is having a growth spurt, but on the whole i think we're ok.

My 11 week old goes up to bed about 8-30, wakes anywhere between 12 and 2am for a feed goes back down till 4-5 am for another small feed then usually wakes to get up about 6-30 - 7am.

He feeds alot but he was 10lb 10oz at birth and is now around 18lbs!

If it helps, DD is 10 weeks and we have no routine whatsoever - thought she was starting to do things at around the same time then it all changed! My feelings are that they are changing so much at this stage that routine is impossible - but then I am completely disorganised

DD does go to proper bed (ie in her cot and for quite a long time usually) at around the same time each night (a shameful 1 am, but may be an hour either side). Routine is go upstairs, turn on dim bedroom lights, zip into grobag then fed asleep and into cot. Before that though she might sleep all evening or be up all evening, and what time we get up depends on whether we have to get up and how well she has slept! Will introduce a book soon too.

Do you need to know when she'll be asleep or can you just meet people when she's awake?

notcitrus Gives a great example of how to survive this time. There is SOME predictability to the day, but it has kind of been negotiated.

'Not being able to sit down and eat something in the day is bad enough'

I'm sure there is some time when you can sit down and eat, - just not necessarily at the time you would traditionally call breakfast/lunch. Have healthy snacks available that you can just grab in the meantime.

'Also will be seeing more people over xmas period and at the moment there's no point plannign to see people in the evening because I can't say when she'll be asleep.'

I don't understand this. Why does she have to be asleep? Surely the other people will just hold her and you'll get a nice break that way?

FWIW my lo was 3 months 2 days ago. Our routine is: I feed her when she wants during the day, but at 7-ish I sit on the sofa and feed her until 10:30-ish on and off. Then we go to bed. I feed her in the bed until she's asleep and pray that she doesn't wake again until around 4:30am. Feed her again and then again around 7am.

hth

My DD is 12w, we have fallen into a 'routine' of feeding whenever she likes during the day, and sleeping whenever and wherever she likes as well. We would take her up with us at about 10.00-10.30 where I would give her a last feed in bed where she'd fall asleep and be transferred to her basket. She wakes up at 6am for a feed then 8am for a feed and to get up. She obviously learnt to go to sleep at 10pm because that has always been our bedtime, it hasn't been dictated by her. However she's always been grouchy in the evenings and for the first two months i'm sure it's been colic (screaming from 7pm to 9-10pm every night (rips hair out!!), but this last month I have a feeling it's because she's totally knackered so we've been trying to push her bedtime to a more reasonable hour and it isn't easy! Tonight we had total meltdown so I took her up at 8pm (an hour earlier than I've been trying) and I've spent 50mins in a dark room cuddling her to sleep, she wouldn't bf without getting worked up but luckily I had 4oz ebm in the fridge and she's taken that with no fuss . Tomorrow she might be wide awake and enjoying herself so I won't try and get her to bed so early. I think that whilst you can try as much as you like to make bedtime convenient for you, in the end they will dictate when they go to sleep properly, so all you can do is have an idea of when you'd like them to go to sleep and slowly work towards getting them there regularly. At the moment I've not got her to bed at the same time twice, but I have gone in with low expectations rather than thinking my baby will be a mini-robot that I can just switch off at night (God that'd be nice wouldn't it!!)

As you can see though, I certainly don't have a baby that will definitely sleep at such-and-such a time, I'm sure they do exist but your baby is so so normal, and whilst I know you're ripping your hair out I think you are basing your expectations on something that is very rare at this age. I think you might feel a lot worse than you ought to just because you think other babies go to sleep on the dot - it'd be nice, but I bet if you poll a large selection of mums they will say their baby's bedtime varied wildly at this stage.

I have done this routine with my boys since they were newborn and they are now 4 and 6!

I start it in the evening and it picks up better in the day so I am sort of starting backwards.

6pm - upstairs and undressed on a towel so she can kick her legs while you get the bath ready

6.15pm Into the warm bath and let her splash til she gets a bit more tired!

6.30pm - into her bedroom with the curtains drawn and lights very low. Into clean PJs and nappy.

6.45pm Read her a quiet story or just chat to her in a low voice.

7pm Bottle or Breast feed. Wind her and into bed.

Do not bring her downstairs again. If she wails then go to her but dont talk and make sure she is winded etc This should give you the evening to yourself and once this is established the mornings should be better too.

HTH

being a control freak myself, I read up on all the routines going. Anyway, the control freakishness went with time, but i think three months was about the time he was in a good nightly routine but completely of his own volition, so stating at 6:40 hottish bath, milk then conked out into bed. I have never woken my baby in the morning, I wish wish wish i had to but he usually wakes at 6am.

Its a cliche the bath, bottle and bed routine but the bath zonks him out completely and he loves it no matter what mood he was in prior.

At ten months he is still in the same nighttime routine.

Thinking back, we used to get him to sleep down here until about 3 months then take him up whilst asleep, it just comes gradually really.

Sleep in the day though is another issue entirely which I have absolutely no advice for.

Similar to russet: we started doing a daily bath really for DP to have some time with DS after work. Bed times (as in when considered put down for the night, when there should be the longest period of continuous sleep, maybe only 5-6hrs though & still waking for feeds etc) seem to be in the range 6-8pm. As you haven't got anything yet I would either pick a time that feels right based on stuff your DD does now or just chose one that suits you, like 7pm. Then start winding down an hour before that. We did quiet play for about 15mins then have bath, bit of a massage after bath then "final" feed. Once out of bath we only go into pre-prepared bedroom: dim light, gentle music, only one person if poss. Then for subsequent wakings stay in that room or the nursery with dim light, minimal stimulation. Sometimes it can mean a 2hr stint in the middle of the night until they are used to being put down. But it shouldn't be more than 2hrs as that is about the max time they can stay away for. Waking at or after 5am ish may be the start of their day at this stage so you may not have much joy trying to put down again at that time until the 2 hr point. If it is, don't despair as it can still vary & they may well get to a later wake up time by themselves when they get more into a whole routine.
If the bed time does not seem right it can be adjusted by about 15-20mins a day until better, usually making bedtime earlier works best for LOs despite not being best for the parents.
In the day make sure she has enough sleep - as to sleep well at night she needs to be rested (sounds counter-intuitive tho). At this age she probably only is up for 1.5-2.5hrs before needing a nap of at least 1hr. Do become familiar with tired signs, it can take a while to recognise subtle things. My DS would kick a lot when laying down - being all smiley, looking wide awake & active but stil went down for the nap.
DS is now 8mths & altho he has a routine it is based more on the gap between the last sleep than specific times - that way if he needs more sleep or didn't have a good sleep earlier we can compensate, or that's the theory anyway! Good luck!