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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

My mum said something that made me sad yesterday.

35 replies

CharCharGabor · 30/11/2008 21:06

She bf me for 2 weeks. Yesterday she told me that the doctor told her that she wasn't making enough milk for me and gave her tablets to dry her milk up. She said she didn't understand why, if she didn't have enough milk, she would need tablets to dry it up, and why her breasts were massive and in agony. It made me sad because I felt she was still sad about it. With the right support for her it could have been so different.

OP posts:

TipsyFairydifferentID · 30/11/2008 21:08

A lot of it is to do with us being much more questioning and well-informed.

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 30/11/2008 21:10

I know. She believes that doctors and hvs know best and takes their word as gospel. It a shame. There just wasn't as much support around 22 years ago and not enough help to access it either.

OP posts:

TipsyFairydifferentID · 30/11/2008 21:12

my mum didn't even try with me. I asked her about it and she told me to stop making her feel guilty! All I did was ask if she had? Still, that's the attitude she has had as well until recently when they cocked up her knee.

whomovedmychocolate · 30/11/2008 21:14

My MiL was told her milk was no good because it was yellow and thick when she gave birth (umm colostrum? ) so she bottle fed both her children and still considers that she was physically unable to breastfeed. That was 50-odd years ago.

Mind you I was told within twelve hours of birth 'if you can't manage we can get you some formula you know' by a midwife too busy to help me get DD on the breast.

charmargot · 30/11/2008 21:22

I was lucky, my Mum breastfed all 9 of her children with the youngest of us getting longer time before weaning. The eldest was fed for 9 months, the youngest around 2 years, I was the 7th so got about 18 months before my little sister came along 23 months after me.
She even took us along as models to help other women how to feed. I think she was a bit radical for her time as bottle feeding was more normal in our village.

littleboyblue · 30/11/2008 21:25

I had trouble bf and ended up giving up after 3 days as I felt ds must have been soooo hungry.
Anyway, my midwife told me I probably wasn't producing enough milk for my big baby but surely my body would have known it had a big baby, so was she telling me that if ds was born before formula was invented he would have died?
Help and advice today seems to be extremely lacking even though there is that much more knowledge.
Your poor mum CharChar if it is still upsetting for her, that's awful.
My mum didn't bf me either

RhinestoneCowgirl · 30/11/2008 21:27

I'm just surprised how recent your mum's experience was CharChar, thought all that tablets to dry up your milk stuff was all 1950s. for your mum.

I'm 30 and my mum bf me and my brothers (I'm the oldest). I didn't gain weight v quickly, and she was advised to top me up. I think she half-heartedly tried to give me a bottle but I wouldn't take it so she just carried on for about 6 months or so.

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 30/11/2008 21:30

It's still a problem now which I think is awful. So much knowledge and people still give out wrong info.

charmargot your mum sounds fab

I had that as well wmmc. Midwife cupfed dd as I was a bit weepy (baby blues, anyone?) and she couldn't be bothered helping me. It makes me now.

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:30

ALL the mothers of my friends, and my DH and my own mother were all told they could not breastfeed as they had the 'wrong type of milk' or they were not producing enough.

I guess it must have been the in thing in that generation, to formula feed. I wonder why? Of those I have spoken to, they say it so matter of factly 'i could not feed you, I was not producing the right kind of milk' 'i never fed DS more than 2 weeks as I could not do it, my milk was not enough for them'. It is a shame as we now know that normally with no issues it can take two weeks to establish feeding.

And also funnily enough, many of those I know who were formula fed, also had issues with being 'sicky babies' until they were weaned, including me.

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:33

(i know about the mothers of my friends as DH and I have had this conversation before, when we were getting pressure from HV to stop bf and change to bottle - which both I and DD refused to do!)

Original poster

CharCharGabor · 30/11/2008 21:35

I was a sicky baby, but I did have quite bad reflux too. It was simply lack of education I think. From doctors to new parents, nobody had the right info. And we were still in a predominantly formula feeding culture then.

OP posts:

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:36

litteboyblue - I don't know how true this is, but midwife in hosp said that DD did not (under normal circs, she was low birth weight so was topped up) need milk for first 3 days as it was full from womb, and that is why milk does not usually come in until 3rd day, the collustrum helps to clear stomach of the mocconiom (sp you know what I mean) but was not necessary for food immediately - it is more about bonding in the first few days.

littleboyblue · 30/11/2008 21:37

This is quite interesting. From what I can gather, I wasn't a sicky baby (will ask mum tomoz) but ds was..............

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:37

she not it

littleboyblue · 30/11/2008 21:42

I've not heard that pavlov.
I was really stressed about it all, they wouldn't help latch him on at the hosp and when he wouldn't stop crying they kicked us out of the ward!
At home on the 2nd day after ds was born, I told mw n her visit that I'd had to give a bottle as was having trouble (this was monday) and she said if I still couldn't do it on thursday.....
The lack of support was absolutely shocking.
I'm not upset about not bf now, as at the time I did what I thought was best, but would have been nice to know if what you've heard pavlov is true....

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:49

LBB - maybe someone will come along and advise if I got the wrong end of the stick with it. I know that I only produced collostrom until day 3 when my milk came in and the Midwives were not concerned (and I was told above) DD was given top-ups but was not really bothered, hardly drank a thing. I had a fab fab lot of midwives on the transitional care ward(in for 8 days, it was my 'breastfeeding' training course!].

I was lucky with my support (until the HV, horrid woman), and as you rightly said, you have to do what is the right thing for you, and for your baby. and if you are not happy that it is going right, you need to make decisions that will get your baby eating

kayzisexpecting · 30/11/2008 21:49

My Mum had the same thing CharChar, was given tablets and told to FF me. Also 22 years ago. Must have been the normal thing to do then. She didn't even try to BF my brother who is 20 in 2 weeks as she didn't think she would be able.

I struggled to get DS latched on for more than 2 seconds. MW said it was because of I had pethedine in labour. She said I had to give him a bottle of formula or she would have to admit us back to hospital. So I did. Not this time though.

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:51

kayzi -

kayzisexpecting · 30/11/2008 21:53

I know Pav, I wish I had just ignored her and continued trying to BF him but as he was my first I just did as she said.

charmargot · 30/11/2008 21:53

My Mum is fab thanks, but I'd still think she was fab if she'd bottle fed me as I'd understand it's what a lot of people did then. Of her 20 odd grand children only 1 has been bottle fed and we all feel very sorry for him but try not to make my sister in law feel bad (we don't let on at all). Her Mum bottle fed her and encouraged her to do the same no matter how much my brother tried to persuade her otherwise.
I'm guessing your Mum was happy for you to breast feed Char Char so she needn't feel bad.

JellycatShopkeeper · 30/11/2008 21:55

My Mum is really sad about not feeding the four of us for longer, I think the longest was four months. She was under pressure from her MIL to ff. On the way home from the hospital after her first her MIL insisted that they stop and pick up some formula "just in case".

My Gran was lovely in so many ways, I think this is just how it was in the 1960s.

It is one of my Mum's biggest regrets. The upside for me is that she has been enormously supportive of me bf my 3. DC3 is 2.5, still bf, and Mum thinks that's great.

sweetkitty · 30/11/2008 21:58

I don't think my Mother ever wanted to BF, I don't think anyone did in our family, my Gran had 6 children and I don't know how many she fed as she had her first just before WW2 but she told all her daughters to get them on the bottle as you know how much they are getting and only poor women BF.

When I was born in the 70s my Mum was in hospital for 10 days the first 7 you were not allowed out of bed and had to call a nurse for a bed pan, babies were kept in a nursery and only brought to their mothers every 4 hours for feeding but not during the night as the MWs fed them to allow the Mums to rest, I don't think BFing would have worked under those circumstances.

My Mum was given tablets to stop milk being produced and my Gran bound her boobs with a sheet when they hurt.

She still cannot get her head around the fact mine are all exclusively BF, I don't get them weighed every week and they are fed on demand.

PavlovtheCat · 30/11/2008 21:58

Kayzi - Its hard though isn't when you just don't know how it all works.

I spent 4 months trying to get DD to take a bottle as she was 'underweight' and was told she was close to failing to thrive. Luckily DD refused and in the end I stopped, and stopped going to the HV. DD was not even on a BF chart, no wonder it looked like she was not putting on loads of weight. It took one fab HV as a stand-in to tell me that DD would always be small, born small, will grow up to be small, that is how it is - and I never went back as DD was the happiest baby I knew (still is).

Next time I will know a lot more, but I took everything I was told as gospel with DD, which is why I was very lucky I had such good support in the first week, it could have been so different as I did what I was told too!

kayzisexpecting · 30/11/2008 22:02

My normal MW had broken her ankle 3 days before DS was born so in the 10 days following I saw 7 MWs each with their own advice and they were all pretty useless. One told me when he was 5 days old that if I put him to the breast there was a good chance I'd still be able to BF but then the following day another MW said that was rubbish.

When my normal MW heard about this she made a huge fuss and helped me to complain about the conflicting advice.

cyteen · 30/11/2008 22:08

for all those women being given tablets to dry their milk up. It seems very underhand somehow.

My nan only bf my dad for 2 weeks as "I couldn't make enough milk". Think she is still quite sad about it, although in her case it might well have been true due to the stress of being married to my arse of a grandad. She was very young had very little support, emotionally or practically.

On the upside, we had a nice conversation recently about my bf DS and what a great bonding experience it is

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