Help! I have become a walking dummy to DS - how do I get him to sleep without my boob in his mouth? - Any advice from CO SLEEPERS gratefully welcomed.

[BigBadMouse]

I hadn't planned to co-sleep with DS (6mo) but as it turned it out I have done from day 1. I've been very happy co-sleeping with him but it is become a bit of a problem in one respect.

Whenever he stirs at night he seems to need me offer him some milk to get him to go back to sleep - I have effectively become a human dummy and it is becoming a bit of a strain. He doesn't feed for long (or possibly at all), just a few sucks for a few minutes then he is back to sleep again - usually only to stir 5 or 10 mins later where we repeat the process.

It's making me really sore, I cannot sleep comfortably as I have to have my boob poised for action all night . Also if I have to get up for my other DCs (frequently most nights) then he immediately wakes up.

He usually doesn't sleep during the day (never has really) but now he seems to be more needing of a sleep during the day (he is very active - crawling, sitting unaided etc) and cannot sleep without me poised for feeding during the day either.

As much as I would love to be able to sit with him all day, I have two other DCs who need my attention and I am worried about how I can break this habit in a gentle and reassuring manner. He's still only little and knows no different but I can't continue like this for many more months.

Thanks for any replies.

I refuse to go to bed until someone responds

Does he always fall asleep feeding? Can you try rousing him so he's still drowsy and then goes to sleep without actually feeding?

I was in this situation too with 2 other dc's to get up to. In the end I spent some time co sleeping on a mattress on the floor in her room, but I can't remember how I got around the boob bit??? I do remember just lying on my tummy until she gave up trying to get to them - she was also very very active at about the same age - I just had to get tough in the end or else something dangerous would have happend as I was so damned tired. ( Having said that she appears to have migrated back to our bed to co sleep at 22 months, but at least by boobs are my own now)

Oooh thanks - was worried I might not go to bed for days .

Sleighgirl - yes I tried that one several times - little monster just will not sleep without being attached to me. Even when I think he is completely out for the count and then wake him slightly, if I don't insert boob within 1 minute he is wide awake and screaming.

teabag - that's what I think I am going to have to do. Seems so unfair just to be tough in him since he knows no different (I blame myself) but like you say, sleep deprivation can be a dangerous thing - esp with other DCs to care for

Have you bought Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Soln yet ... am sure there is excellent stuff in there (although I can't remember it...)

That is a shame you've tried the rousing and it doesn't work. I guess cold turkey on the feeding to sleep because it's a sleep association thingy. Would your dh help out by cuddling her to sleep with you out the way? I think it would be a torturous few days to modify the sleep association.

You must be absolutely shattered!

No Cry Sleep Solution has a gentle unlatching technique - called the Pantley Pull Off. It was too gentle for my dcs though and did not work, but worth a try.

BBM, if you don't own the book, I can look it up the technique in my copy and post here.

For my dd, I never managed to get her to sleep without the boob but I did not really try even though I was going insane. I weaned her from the breast at 17 months during a fortuitous nursing strike and she finally stopped!

For ds, I got tougher earlier. Once he was old enough to understand a few words like, 'no nursing, cuddles', I managed to get him to accept cuddles instead of boob when he woke in the night. I would simply refuse. He would sit up in bed and get rather upset. But I would offer to cuddle him over and over again until he eventually relented and settles for cuddles maybe after 20 minute. This is when he was past 1. It came down to the fact that if he continued to sleep latched on, I would give up bf-ing and co-sleeping - which would affect ds far more than a little crying. So I had to set limits.

At 2.2, he understands that once I have nursed him in bed, he is not to have any more boob until (around 5 am) morning time. 5 am is more for my benefit to avoid ds waking up at some unsociable hour like, erm, 5 am.

BBM, as your ds is only 6 months, I don't know whether you want to be maybe a bit softer than my method, which may involve some crying. Perhaps try Pantley first (even she advocates waiting until past 1) and harsher methods for past 1.

Do borrow/ pick up a copy of Pantley if you can. The Pantley pull-off makes sense and really reduced our night feeds. She considers co-sleeping a normal state.

Thanks for that

Last night was the same - plus 2 hours of him crawling around the bed chatting away to himself . On top of that I was up with DD2 6 times so by the time it came to gently persuade DS to go to sleep without boob assistance I was very tired and gave in.

tbh I think the co-sleeping will have to be gently phased out too as I am up with the DDs so much in the night and am worried about him crawling off the bed while I am sorting them.

I will definitely get a copy of the book - blueshoes, thanks for the offer to C&P but I think it would probably be a good idea for me to read the whole book as I want to be prepared for the possibility that DS is going to be as hard to sleep train as DD2 .

sleighgirl - unfortunately I'm doing this on my own but should I win the lottery I think I'm going to employ someone very good (and far better with children that I am) to sleep train the children and get DS to accept a bottle of formula .

BigBadMouse. You have my sympathy. I am in exactly the same position except my son is 10 months old. Tried the Pantley method for three months with very little progress. Tried phasing out co-sleeping and putting down in cot but the most we get is one hour. In fact he pretty much wakes on the hour, or if I'm lucky 2 hours. Mad! As he is also very active we spend most of his sleeping time guarding him so he doesn't fall off our bed. Can't go on! I need to have at least three hours sleep in a row and at least half an hour a day to myself which isn't spent guarding him. Tonight, we have agreed that my partner is going to put him to bed and go to him when he rst wakes in the hope that we can break the BF to sleep habit. Worth a try for a few nights. Best of luck to you.

Nuk dummy (flipping £3.99 but DD refused all other types until older - girls at nursery said it was common for the bf babies to prefer this type) and get your partner to settle him one night.
Or, if poss, have a night off entirely (I went for a girly night-out/sleepover at a friend's). This worked to get boob monster DD off, but she was 20 months and I had co-slept entirely until then.
HTH
Next challenge is to get DD of the dummy .....