Am I harming my DD by cutting out breastfeeds when she still won't take a bottle?

[MrsMarx]

Hello! I've been trying to get my DD to take a bottle, cup, whatever for about four months, with no luck. I feel like I've tried everything and don't know quite what to do, as I would really really like to stop breastfeeding in the next month or two.

I now think that going cold turkey might be the only answer, and have gradually cut out daytime feeds, leaving just one at night before bed and one first thing in the morning.

Now though, I have also cut out the morning feed, thinking that she'd be so hungry/thirsty that she'd go for a bottle/cup. No such luck.

I'm really worried that if I continue with this she won't be getting enough milk or fluids. The HV thinks it's OK but was vague.

Has anyone else had this problem? Should I give in and carry on with the am and pm feeds until she's a year? Thanks for any advice!

I think you're right to be concerned. How old is your daughter now? Only having a single feed a day before a year old seems awfully little milk to me - I know we can't and don't want to measure with bfeeding, but they're meant to have around a pint a day at this point - and I'm surprised your HV seems happy with cutting down so severly, especially if she won't take fluids in any other way. However there are plenty of mums here who've had to return to work and whose babies manage just fine by taking expressed milk from a cup and by feeding like demons when mum is home.

I guess the trick is to keep persevering with offering a cup but I would certainly reintroduce the morning feed and also start offering at least one other daytime feed as well. You need to be sure she's getting the nutrition she needs.

Hello Sparkle. She's just 9 months now. It doesn't seem right does it, to have this little milk. I don't always trust what the HV's have to say to be honest, they often seem to know even less than me!

Some babies will never take a bottle - I had two of them! DD2 at 5 months would rather go 8 hours without milk than drink it from a bottle! I think if you are happy to feed for another month or two, then keep doing it morning & eve, and then stop when you're ready and see what she'll take from a cup at that stage. My DD1 gave up bf at nearly 10 months and never drank much milk as a replacement. I just made sure she had a lot of dairy in her diet. DD2 was similar, and was never keen on formula, but now drinks quite a lot of cows milk (from 10.5 months onwards) because she seems to prefer that.

Bramshott's right, some babies never do take a bottle. Is there a particular reason why you want to stop feeding soon, not to pry, but there may be ways round things we could suggest.

I've had two completely different bfeeding experiences fwiw. DS1 took to occasional bottles of ebm really well from about 8 weeks and though never a big eater, similarly took to the concept of solids. Due to a combination of circumstances (partly my own ignorance at the time, some dodgy advice, and a host of other things) he appeared to be self weaning from the breast at 10 months and was down to just the bedtime feed by that time which was turning into a battle royal. However he was happily drinking water from a lidded beaker in contrast to your dd. I tried everything for nearly four weeks and then gave in to formula in a bottle, my supply having tanked by that point. I was devastated not to get to a year but knew he still needed the milk. He would down a nine ounce bottle in ten minutes flat, and made up the rest in food etc.

DS2 on the other hand is a totally different kettle of fish! Has never taken to a bottle at all and is rather uninterested in solids. He wants mummy milk straight from source and that's that! At 8.5 months he still feeds 5-6 times a day and up to twice at night. In my heart I'm glad he still needs and wants me this way and I have every intention of continuing to express at work when I go back at a year old, as he will drink a small amount from a beaker now.

Where was I going with this? Oh yes, just to say keep trying really. Babies are very different and for a really good eater, 2 feeds might be fine, for a limited eater 4 might be better, but ultimately your baby will tell you one way or another. If you can/want keep offering the breast as much as possible for now and reassess in a months time.

at 9 months she needs MORE than one or two breastfeeds a day. Milk should be her main source of nutrition until she is a year, so yes, I think it is harmful to be denying her milk just to try and get her to take a bottle.

some babies just don't like bottles and I think you are just going to have to stick with it until she is a year and then go cold turkey if you really want to.

First point two feeds a day + dairy products in food could easily be the recommended 16oz, many babies of 9 months do not regularly have boob or bottle during the day and are fine

BUT My feeeling is that if she feeds from you but not a bottle or cup, then she is probably not ready to drop the daytime feeds yet. This is not to say she will still need them in a month; things change really fast. i would reintroduce the day feeds and then meanwhile try to introduce a cup with water. Bathtime is good or you could start offering her some of your drink. When she is happy taking sips from an open cup you can give her more fluids. She may then drop the daytime feeds naturally

Hello, I've been unable to access the internet for a few days, but thanks for your replies. I probably didn't make this quite clear, but she will take water from a cup/beaker. She doesn't usually drink loads, but she will take it. Just never milk, from any vessel at all! I've been continuing with the morning and evening feeds lately. She's not the world's best eater, but she's a good weight and very well, I don't think there's a problem there.

Sparkle, if you're still there, the reason I want to give up is that I really want to TTC as soon as possible. I'm 40, with no signs of my periods returning at the moment. My sister in a similar position took a good while for them to return even after completely stopping BF. I feel I may be the same and just worry that if I want another baby (which I really do), I don't have that much time.

MrsMarx - no advice just wanted to tell you you are not alone, my ds (11mo) will only drink water from a cup or bottle, and just spits cow's milk out!!

Hello BouncingTurtle! I'm sorry you're having the same problem, but rather glad that I'm not alone! Part of my concern is not just TTC but also wondering what will happen if we do get to a year and she still won't take milk from anywhere but me (as committed as I am to BF, I really do want to have stopped by then!)... I guess we just have to provide calcium etc in lots of other forms ...

MrsMarx, the nuk learner cup worked for me, its got a soft spout. Have you tried different types of formula. I could never get ds to take formula but he went straight on to cows milk at a year.

Hope you manage to get it sorted, she will take milk at somepoint.

Have you tried a straw? Both mine loved drinking anything through a straw, DS managed to get DD's smoothie drink when he was 6 months old and had a good few glugs before I saw and took it off him.

Hi Katyjo and Wintersapproaching! Thanks for your suggestions. I've tried every formula brand on the market I think, and most cups/bottles! I think I'm going to have to take out a bank loan to fund this soon!

Sometimes I use formula in her food to make it a bit more liquid and when I do she even seems to spit that out! I've tried her with cows milk. She spits that out. I've also tried expressed milk. She has taken very small amounts, but that's it, nowhere near a full cup.

We're using the Nuby soft spout cup for water which she seems to think is fine, but maybe I will try the NUK one? I'm ready to try anything! The straw is an interesting idea, I'll give that a go!

But really, I think that she's made it very clear that she prefers milk from the source ... which is why I think cold turkey might be the only answer but that just seems so cruel and I'm not quite ready to do it yet!

Just caught up with this too. In that case then Mrs Marx, I think I'd say to keep feeding as she wants it for a couple more months yet and then go cold turkey to cows milk at a year old. I know it's not ideal but I'd just be quite concerned that as she won't take milk from cups etc she won't yet get enough calcium etc from food alone. But on the upside I know quite a few babies who never drank milk of any sort again after 12 months old and have shown no ill effects, so if she's an otherwise good eater, just hang in there for two more months!

You should also put a call out for others who've weaned from the breast for ttc reasons, I'm sure I remember a few and they'll have some excellent advice too

Thanks Sparkle, I think I will do that!

I would go with Mrs Marx too. Sounds very sensible to me.

There's def no reason to use a bottle after 6 mths. Cups are much better. Does she have cows milk on her sereal? If yes and she's not allergic, why not try her on some cows milk as a drink, therefore not replacing Mummy!! I used to give mine cows milk with breakfast from about 11 mths. they never twigged I was trying to wean them off the breast!!

Thanks Kathryn. At the moment she pretty much rejects anything milk-like which isn't breast milk from the source. As you say though, I'll keep offering her milk and maybe eventually she'll change her mind! Although my mother-in-law just told me that my DH (who was bottle-fed) absolutely refused to take milk from anything other than a bottle, ever. I think I'm seeing a pattern!

Could you try goats milk and see if she prefers that?

Hey Mrs Marx! We have a similar problem atm- ds (13mths) only feeds twice a day (and sometimes just once), but he will NOT take cows milk in any way, shape or form. He will drink water/ juice from a cup, will take ebm from a bottle, but won't entertain cows milk. I'm just carrying on feeding, and plying him with yoghurts/ cereal with milk/ other dairy. Would like to stop feeding soon- opposite reasoning from you, want to go back on the pill!- but like you, I really don't want to go cold turkey!! He is such a good eater, I thought he would be no problem switching to cows milk, especially as he doesn't really seem that into bf, but seems I was wrong.

Hello Jooly! I'm sorry you're having a similar problem! If it's any comfort, my mother-in-law said that my DH just didn't have any milk at all for a year or more, so she gave him lots of yogs, cheese, etc etc. He seems OK now!

Bramshott, I could try goats milk couldn't I. I'm just not sure if this entirely a taste thing or a protest about boob versus bottle!

Maybe she just doesn't want a brother or sister any time soon .