breastfeeding a preemie, will there come a time when it just CLICKS? and will it be soon..? <whines>

[Aitch]

dd2 is 12 weeks now, and it seems as hard as ever it was tbh. she just doesn't seem to 'get it', doesn't latch on for very long without coming off etc etc. i go to a bfing clinic once a week, they say her latch is fine and tbh normally she feeds quite well in front of them. (the one time she behaved like she does at home they sent me home with thrush treatment).

does anyone have anything encouraging to say, something along the lines of 'she's six weeks corrected, it will all click next week...'

Sorry, I had the same with ds1 - he would latch on fine then drop off, wake him up, latch back on fine, drop off - etc etc - it was an endless cycle.

I'm afraid I can't say he suddenly got it 5+ weeks later, it was more of a gradual process - by which stage I was out of my mind with worry about a baby who was falling through the centiles. I wish I could remember when it all started to get better, but it did, I promise. It just wasn't anything sudden. He's still small for his age (6) but extremely healthy and energetic!

Sorry, probably not what you wanted to hear - but there is definitely light at the end of the tunnel. You're doing fantastically well still to be bf her - the paediatrician we saw used to say that we had made absolutely the right choice to continue to ebf ds1 notwithstanding the slow gain, because you can always make up weight at a later date ....

Aitch,

I was wondering how you were doing and then you popped up during my MNing coffee break from work hell.

12 weeks already - how big is she these days? Still fitting in those snowsuits?

You know you're doing brilliantly but it's a shame it's still such hard work. Do you think you've got thrush?

Tell us how she 'behaves at home' then!

Oh, poor you! Short of suggesting you move in to the clinic for a few months... How is her weight? she's still very wee, though - teh "corrected" thing may well have an impact.

Oh Aitch, you poor thing. Can you see how gobsmackingly well you are doing amidst all the challenges you've faced? I'm such a fan .

Tell us a bit more; weight gain, feeding behaviour, sleeping, latch etc.

It can be so blooming hard. So much of it is about holding your nerve and trying to remain confident that things are, in fact, fine, despite not echoing everyone else's experiences.

I must fly, sorry, but will pop back later.

Aitch - babies who are born 6 weeks prem start off (as you know) with the cards stacked against them when it comes to bf....they are not 'quite cooked' and have to develop reflexes and responses on the outside that are usually better developed on the inside....and that means a struggle through which you have held your nerve and kept your confidence up wonderfully. I think you probably have better insight than anyone at the clinic - dd probably still doesn't quite 'get it', but despite not 'getting it', she is breastfeeding (almost) exclusively and growing and doing well. And yay for the two of you

It's not perfect but it bloody well almost is

she's still doing that going on, yelling, opening her mouth and seeming desperate for food but just not actually latching thing. it's so depressing. or she comes off for a wee burp (she does this A Lot) but won't go back onto the same breast, so i'm constantly switching which can't really be good. and it does rather mean i'm indiscreet when i'm out and about.

she's still only 6lbs 8 oz, starting weight 4lb 1oz, she was following the 2nd centil but now isn't. the paeds kept saying 'she'll get it and then her weight gain will pick up exponentially' but that's not happened, it's about 4oz per week. dh gave her some formula last night and of course she screamed the place down afterwards and had a sore tummy, but that's the first formula she's drunk in weeks. normally she's refused a bottle, she must have been ravenous...

she's having a suspiciously long nap right now, as well.

Aitch I don't have any premee advice but I just wanted to say how well you are doing.

I don't think the switching is a problem. I had to do this (as per bfc advice) with ds when he wasn't putting on weight as it stopped him falling asleep on the breast - and he did then start to put on weight.

Surely 4oz a week is a good gain? She's still only wee, so isn't 4oz (as a % of her weight) a good amount?

Taking a bottle doesn't always mean they are ravenous either. You put it in their mouth, it drips, so she swallows, which releases more milk from the teat and on and on it goes.

my dd was 5 week early and I would say the first 3-4 months of breastfeeding were pretty full on. She definatively didn't seem like a natural. However, it did 'click' she went on to be an expert breastfeeder. I think the turning point started when I began feeding her in bed more often. I think she found feeding quite tiring and by lying down in bed she could snuggle on more easily. You are doing so well, hang in there.

my ds was 8 weeks early and it was hard at first. it took him about 2 weeks to get the hang of bf. he was tube and cup fed firstly then when he was about 3 weeks old he was put on the breast for a little time in scbu. i roomed in the for last week and that was by far the hardest - lots of tears from both of us!

it did click with him but it took a while, he just fed every 2 hours for about 4-5 months day and night. he never seemed to take much and always fell asleep on the breast.

i was always worrying about his weight and his centiles but now he is a happy 15 month old and although smaller than babies his age is doing great. keep persevering and it'll get easier - many times i thought about giving up but i'm glad i didn't. you're doing great - think positive

Try and do loads of skin-to-skin. It really works, esp on premmies. Go to bed for the day! And try not to leave it until she's screaming for food before you feed her. Watch out for feeding cues, like head nodding, licking lips, sucking fingers (though mine would do this all day long!). You don't have to stick to the 4 hr scbu routine!

oh thanks ladies, you are all most kind. we were fortunate in that dd2 was born at nearly 34 weeks so she was only in scbu for a night, so i can't blame the hospital unfortunately.

we co-sleep, more by accident than design because she was just SO WEE that it seemed like she had to be as close to me as possible. i'd love to try to feed her in bed but have never managed to make it work yet, i wonder if it's something to do with breast size and shape as well?

i know i've done okay to get this far... but i am now properly worrying that i'm starving her a bit.

when did the switching end, ilike, do you remember? i could do with it being next week...

I'm still switching at 16 months, Aitch . Or rather, dd just helps herself and protests if I try to keep her restricted to one breast at a time.

Dd never once gained as much as 4oz a week either (whilst excl bf). She started with 3oz weekly, then 2oz, and shortly before weaning was gaining only 1oz a week.

4oz sounds really good to me, especially for such a teeny one. Keep the end game in mind... for us, the weight gain only accelerated when we introduced solids at 6m. And even then, after a big spurt, she settled back into a slowish pattern. She still looks soooo dainty compared to her peers, but oh my, the girl eats well! And she still breastfeeds a lot at 16m, so my "supply issues" seem more imagined now than they used to.

It may just be how your dd2 is meant to grow. Truly.

but it's every couple of minutes, though, vlc, it takes FOREVER for her to settle and then it's only for such a short while. i could handle it if she drained the breast a bit, but she really doesn't. (unless it's in the morning when they're a bit bigger).

i want one of those nice fat babies who go on and chug away for twenty minutes... [wistful]

and i kinda feel that dd1 is missing out a bit.

btw 16 months! where the HELL did that time go?

When you say she takes forever to settle, do you mean to sleep? Or to settle into the feed?

Re the switching, dd never stayed long on one side at a time unless she fell asleep and I left her in situ which happened a lot. If she began showing a preference and neglecting one side, I would trick her by using the rugby ball hold on that side, which did actually work.

I do remember feeling frustrated at her not taking as much as I wanted her to, and urging her to "take more, and then I'll make more!" but she ignored me.

And you don't want a fat baby. [stern] you want a dainty little pixie. They are cute and pocket sized and people gasp and coo over them.

Are you able to sling feed? Can't remember. Wish you could get some help on the feeding lying down thing. I'm pretty sure a sizeable part of dd's intake happens in our sleep. Having said that, we didn't crack it instantly, so don't give up on it entirely yet.

settle to a feed. i've tried sling feeding as well, dd hated it. it MUST be a breast shape thing. as with the bed, maybe it'll be possible in the future but right now i think she can't manoeuvre herself round me yet, iykwim?

what breast shape are you? Just roughly speaking you understand. I am very amply endowed and was never very comfortable feeding lying down - just too much boob I think. But everybody is different and if you can bear to give us a clue it might help with positioning.

38 c/d so not massive massive. kinda floopy. lol.

I think I gave ds 4-6 sides per feed for about 2 weeks. He was 9lb 11oz when he was born but was only interested in taking enough milk to maintain his weight. He'd take just enough to satisfy himself then fall asleep.

The theory with switch feeding was the let down and initial gush of milk would keep him interested in feeding and awake. And don't worry about the foremilk/hindmilk thing, it seemed to work itself out and my body knew what it needed to deliever to my baby.

Aitch, how do you hold her when you feed? Is she crooked into the same arm as boob, or do you use opposite arm?

My dd was born 6 wks prem at just over 3lb.
She was SCBU for 3 weeks and was tube then bottle fed EBM - I wasnt allowed to BF her, but they let me try to latch her on every day, as long as it wasnt for too long. To that end for the first 3 weeks me or dd neer really 'got it'

Im quite well endowed, but floppy . When I tried to feed my dd as they has said at the hosp (crooked into same arm) she didnt seem to be able to latch, and it was painful for me. Seemed like I was too big for her mouth (remember crying my eyes out wailing that I was no good as my tits were too big for my baby).

When we got home I felt like I tried evrything, but nothing worked until my DSIL suggested that I hooked her under my arm like a rugby ball, as my nipples naturally fell that way (southeast/southwest lol). Didnt try this till she was about 6 weeks - and you know what, we got it!

She always fed a lot more than other babes, every 2 - 2half hrs, but put on about 4 oz a week. She is now a bubbly 3 yr old and has caught up in every aspect

She never fed for a loooooong time, 20 mins was absolute max, and if we were out I did get a few strange looks for the way I was holding her - but it worked

do you know what i think it is? it's like my milk makes her mouth too slidey over my nipple and areola so she literally can't latch on. my milk or her mouth is already kinda mucousy so that's what makes it so hard to keep on. if i put her on a dry nipple, iykwim, then it's better for a while.

oh thank GOD! so you had it too? i have to keep drying my nip with the underside of my top, so glam (and hygenic, no doubt).it's hideous, isn't it? and the more milk i have the worse it is, in a weird way, although once she's actually on then it's easier obv. for a while.

oh lawks, though. 3-4 months? that rings a bell with dd1 actually, i do remember her getting a lot bigger around then. in fact i've got a picture of her with a pal's newborn and she looks like a monster in comparison. i do think if her face was bigger it would help a lot.

so, er, all i have to do is try to keep going for another... 6-10 weeks and it might get better?

Aitch, my ds was 6 weeks early and we had all the problems you describe - slipping off, mouth seeming too small (and he was big for a premmie) etc. He was quite poorly and was in SCBU for 7 weeks, didn't have his NG tube out until about his due date. Would massively recommend the rugby ball hold like Mousemate says, especially as she is still small. Was much easier for ds to latch on like that although a bit more revealing for public feeding! If you go to Kellymom I think they have pictures of positioning, search for rubgy hold if you don't know what we mean.

I can't remember when ds got it (about 3 months corrected?) but he definitely did - I fed him for 2 years. It will get better, it really really will! I really feel for you because I can remember how hard it was, and 6 weeks seems like a lifetime when every feed is a struggle, but keep going and she will get there in the end!

Ooh we had the slipping off problem, the special breastfeeding health visitor suggested taking her off and wiping everything down every few minutes. Not sure if that helped or if it was just that she started to get a bit bigger and seemed to cope with the flow more easily.
Mine was 8 weeks early, is now 4 months old and feeds fine. Still usually every couple of hours though I'm afraid!