AIBU to lie to my midwife/HV about my feeding choices?

[EnchantedwithEdwardCullen]

I had a very rough time breastfeeding the last 2 times and the midwives made me feel like a failure when I switched to formula.

I'm thinking that this time, whilst I do want to try and breastfeed again, I don't want the presure I had last time (from myself either! I put way too much on myself)

So I am thinking about mixed feeding, this isn't concrete, it may all go perfectly this time and a drop of formula may never touch her lips!!

But if the same situation arises as last time I've come to the conclusion that its not the end of the world if she has a few ounces of formula if we are both in a state!

I'm thinking of not mentioning this to the midwives though because, as I'm sure you all know(!), its a very emotional time after birth and breastfeeding has been a sore subject with me and I would just break down if I got some lecturous midwife who scalded me for using formula.

It is better to mix feed than to have no breastmilk at all! they still get a lot of immunity from a bit of breastmilk.

Why don't you just wait and see? You don't have to make any dicisions at all! That would be even less stressful wouldn't it?

Go for the first feed in hospital, then see what happens. As you say, it might work this time. Make sure you INSIST on being shown good technique etc, because even with mixed feeding, it's still important! Try to see the breastfeeding specialist in the hospital.

I'm hoping to have a homebirth.

First time round I was in hospital and was just basically abandoned then told by the night staff to just 'give him a bottle'

Which I did, I was only 20 and terrified anyways

2nd time I had my DS at home and was sort of just left to it. I did ask for help a few times but nothing really happened.

I mixed fed with DD, following bad bf experience with DS, and lied to the midwives/hvs about it (I said I was exclusively bf-ing!)

I couldn't be dealing with the pressure and disapproval that were bound to follow...

It's interesting - I found the midwives in hospital infinitely better at advice for feeding, which is why I asked to stay in for a few days as DS's latch was horrible (and private room with own TV was like a vacation!)

Personally, I wasn't afraid of looking like an idiot, and kept asking/ringing the button and being annoying.

It's great that you want to try again, and of course mixed feeding is better than going fully on formula. Perhaps this would take the pressure off you?

I'm not sure they would necessarily disapprove anyway, would they?

I haven't met a medical professional yet who has given me grief for mixed feeding and I would say my HV is positively encouraging of formula use.

Its appaling that you are put in this situation. Midwives and HVs are meant to help us, not make our job even harder. I mixed fed with ds1 and he thrived, I thrived, it all went very well. Lots of luck, and dont worry about whatever you decide to do, your baby will be grand

Agree with sci-fi - appalling that you should be made to feel this way.

You arent really lying though are you, you arent planning on using formula, you just are open to the possibility.
I think that you are right not to mention it. It seems like midwives sometimes see formula as being the easy option for themselves, so better not let them think it might be an option, if at the time you are really after decent BF advice.

I hope the homebirth works out for you. Must be lovely to have the baby and then be straight back into your own bed in your own house.

my midwife actually suggested that we had a couple of cartons of ready made formula, a bottle and a steriliser in the house even if I intended to breastfeed. I never actually used them but it made me feel better to know that if I had a total meltdown in the middle of the night I had the formula option available. you should never feel bad about your choices.

Can I let you into a secret? Midwives don't care how you feed your baby... Stands back as bombshell drops! Seriously, I've never met one who did really honestly care, we just want you to have an informed choice and I guess that can sound like a lecture at times.