To continue or not - honest opinions please...

[strawberrycornetto]

My DS will be 9 months old next week. He was exclusively breastfed til 7 months. I planned to stop when I went back to work but discovered he is allergic to dairy and have continued for longer. I am transitioning over to nutramigen which he seems to accept fine so far. I've got to the stage where I do 2 feeds a day and he has 2 bottle feeds but I can't decide what to do now. I'm being very honest about what it influencing my thought process and would really appreciate some other people's opinion.

reasons to continue

1. He often wakes and has a feed at 5/6am and its much easier.
2. Its still good for him to get some breast milk
3. I'm worried about me gaining lots of weight when I stop
4. I am worried he will stop drinking nutramigen and will then have no milk.
5. He's my last baby and I will feel really sad that feeding is over

reasons to stop

1. I have cut out all dairy because of his allergy and am finding it really hard to stick to [mummy guilt face]
2. DH would like me to stop (I think)
3. I am a bit worried about feeding a toddler, had never planned to and tbh I find it a bit weird
4. I am not sure he really enjoys it anynore.
5. I would like to know what he is actually drinking because his weight gain has been slow.

There are probably more factors, its such a hard decision. All views appreciated (but please be gentle!!!!)

What do you want to do?

I think you have enough pros and cons to keep wondering for ages, they are all very valid... hence my question

Firstly, well done for getting so far! I fed DS until he was one, and here's my thoughts:

reasons to continue

1. He often wakes and has a feed at 5/6am and its much easier. - night feeds are a lot easier on the boob, it has to be said!

1. Its still good for him to get some breast milk - this is true, but he's had most of the main health benefits by now

1. I'm worried about me gaining lots of weight when I stop - I actually lost weight when I stopped, when you're feeding your body carries a bit extra as a backup to make milk, iyswim

1. I am worried he will stop drinking nutramigen and will then have no milk. - if he's accepting it fine so far, is this likely?

1. He's my last baby and I will feel really sad that feeding is over - well that's a very good reason, you should only stop when you're happy to

reasons to stop

1. I have cut out all dairy because of his allergy and am finding it really hard to stick to [mummy guilt face] - well done for working so hard at it! don't feel guilty

1. DH would like me to stop (I think) - have you asked him?

1. I am a bit worried about feeding a toddler, had never planned to and tbh I find it a bit weird - I found 1 was the age I was happy to stop, from this point of view

1. I am not sure he really enjoys it anynore. - why don't you try replacing one bf with a bottle and see? I thought DS would kick up a fuss, but he didn't ever ask for bf and was quite happy on cow's milk

1. I would like to know what he is actually drinking because his weight gain has been slow. - REALLY don't worry about this. Knowing how much he's getting will make no difference to his weight gain, and you can't make him have more if he's not drinking huge amounts.

Good luck - I found it happened quite naturally in the end, it just kind of tailed off, iyswim.

Firstly you have done a brill job BFing so whatever you choose to do now, don't feel guilty.

I fed DS to 20mo (two feeds a day) partly because he reacted badly to cows' milk (though has outgrown his sensitivity now) and mostly because it was the easy thing to do! I personally couldn't have been bothered with bottles unless I had to, especially first thing in the morning.

I never found it weird feeding a toddler, although I never planned to -- it's not like you wake up one morning feeding a 1yo suddenly. You just do it one day at a time. In any case 9mo is still a baby to me! There's no reason why you couldn't carry on but stop at 12mo or whatever age if you wanted to.

Now DS has weaned he won't drink any milk at all. He does have lots of dairy in his diet though, so I'm not too worried about it. I give him a yoghurt just before bathtime as a substitute for his bedtime BF.

Re: your concerns on weight. DS is a very slow weight-gainer, I think some babies just are! I wouldn't personally see this as a reason to stop BF -- the brilliant thing about BF is that they take exactly as much as they need, and it's so nutritionally brilliant even if they don't have that much.

I can't comment on weight gain after stopping, as I was 15 weeks pg when DS weaned so am still eating like a horse

I was in a very similar situation to you - dd was allergic to diary and I was going back to work.

What I did was cut down to one feed a day (bedtime feed) and to be honest this was more for my benefit rather than dd as I felt that it was important for me to have this time with dd.

I did eventually stop feeding when dd was 9 months - this was only because she was cutting her first four teeth at the same time and biting really hard. I was also finding it exhausting working and feeding. I think my hormones were all over the place and it wasn't helping my concentration at work. As soon as I finished feeding it was like the fog had lifted.

Don't worry about weight gain - just try and follow a healthy eating plan - I think I joined weightwatchers when I gave up and lost a stone.

I did feel really sad when I gave dd her last ever feed - and did cry - but I know that she'd had a good 9 months worth of bm so gave it my best shot!

DD put weight on quite happily (she was on neocate) and I didn't ever have any concerns about her weight gain - she's always been rather light but they kept an eye on this at the allergy clinic.

I think DH liked me giving up - he was always very supportive of bf, but I just was never interested in sex which was down to the hormones I think.

HTH's?

BTW - I don't think dd noticed not being bf anymore.

Thanks. Not sure why my bold doesn't work

It is tough. He's been sick for ages which is why he's started waking up at night, so I might carry on at least until he's over the horrible virus thingy.

think all changes like that are best left until there's nothing else going on, iyswim. when he's better and you feel like it's the right time, you'll probably find it just happens very easily.

good luck

Thanks Meg and Missis.

Meg, that's really interesting about work. I have been finding work horrendously tough and I had kind of discounted the fact that I am still doing two feeds and often getting up several times in the night.

I will be really sad and I will feel a bit selfish to stop, but I think the time is coming. Re my weight, I guess I will just have to be a bit disciplined about it. I'm scared because I am about half a stone lighter than when I got pregnant and so I don't want to put it back on again.

you b/f exclusively for 7months and continued to b/f for another 2. That is fantastic.

don't beat yourself up about stopping if you feel that is what you should do. but do what feels right for you. if you wanted to stop gradually - could you keep the night feed? doing a mix of breast and bottle for a while? goodluck and don't feel bad - you've done an amazing job!

I've left DS (8.5 months) for a day at a time, and what keeps up my supply are the nighttime feeds.

If you have an established supply, I think let nature takes its course.

At the moment I am just doing the morning and evening feeds. If I cut it down just to one feed, would my milk stop? I have dropped two day time feeds quite quickly and had no leaking etc at all. Does this mean I don't have much milk left?

Your milk won't stop. If baby latches on, milk will come out! Even if you stopped completely for a few weeks, you would be able to start again! I have not fed a baby for 2 years and I can still get some colostrom if I squeeze my breast!! I'm sure I could relactate if I wanted to!!!!

Definitely wait until after he is better. There are still a lot of health bebnefits for breastfeeding after 9 months, esp for lactose intolerant children, and especially for those picking up loads of bugs at nursery or childminder, (immunity is constantly updated in breastmilk to those bugs that are around at present) but at the end of the day, the decision is yours (and not your husband's!!). Do whatever feels right.

I fed until 13 mths, and mine self-weaned then.

Not sure if this is an urban myth or not, but a friend of a friend of a friend recently adopted a young baby. I think she was 4 months?

Anyway, this friend of a friend of a friend who had all sorts of infertility issues prior to adopting, desperately wanted to breast feed, so went to this specialist (this was in the US) and he gave her hormone shots over the span of a few months and she was able to breast feed.

I don't know is this is true or not, but if it is, then shows how strong the breastfeeding urge is - that it is possible to feed a baby when one wasn't pregnant.

So, it's possible to re lactate, I think is what I'm trying to say, from a position way removed from yours.

I've heard a similar story too! Amazing isn't it!

strawberrycornetto, As you have exclusively breastfed for 7 months, you milk supply should be fairly robust and hopefully your milk supply should stand up to your current feeding pattern. However watch your milk supply as some women will find this drops off as formula feeds are added.

I am afraid I disagree with Kathryn when she says "If baby latches on, milk will come out! Even if you stopped completely for a few weeks, you would be able to start again!" This may well be true for some women but certainly not all. This would depend on how old the baby was, how much breastfeeding has been done and how long it has been since the last feed.

I also have an online friend who managed to lactate for her adoptive babies and when it happens..it is wonderful

My DD is allergic to egg and it was very tough not to have any cake for so long, but she self weaned at 22 months probably as I am pregnant. Well done for keeping it going for so long. Food in = weight gain doesn't seem to work, my DD seems to live on air and grow quite happily! Other kids will eat anything and are skinny and have poor weight gain.

I found my DCs were all low weight when on a dairy/egg free diet simply I think because it ends up being quite a low-fat diet.

Thanks everyone. That's an amazing story about the people adopting. I think it does show what a strong urge it is.

DS was diagnosed with bronchiolitis today so I am definitely continuing for now. Oh, and my lovely DH bought me a gorgeous box of dairy free truffles he found today "so I wouldn't feel left out if I am still dairy free at Xmas" so I guess he's more supportive than I thought. I think he just wants me to be happy.

I think I will aim for 12 months and see how it goes. I could always express and use formula over Xmas if I am not perfect then with the dairy free diet, a little can't be too terrible since he survived me eating mountains of chocolate for the first 6 months!!

Strawb -I am still bfing DS2 at 18 months - just one feed in the evening which settles him. He has been ill over the last week or so and bfing is an easy/good way to settle them so I would wait until he is better and then see how you feel.
I know what you mean about knowing it is your last baby - you sort of want to hang on to those baby things a bit longer - I suspect that is why I am not in any hurry to stop bfing.
BTW DS1 had probs with dairy and eggs when he was little and he used to get awful exczema so he was on dairy free. We are veggie so he ended up being vegan which was not my plan. He is quite big for his age and people used to make jokes about him being fed steak - and look bemused when I said he was virtually vegan. My point being that they can be v healthy on a restricted diet - you just need to think about it a bit. And DS1 is now able to eat a relatively normal vegetarian (ie not vegan) diet without too much problem - mind you he only had an intolerance not allergy which is a v diff thing