Would stopping breastfeeding improve baby's relationship with Dad?

[TreeTrunkThighs]

Title says it all really. Baby is 13 months and feeds morning, afternoon (only sometimes) and bedtime. She adores me - can't bear to be parted sometimes and would happily spend 24 hours a day in contact with me if she could. She just doesn't seem to like DH at all. If he picks her up she cries. If I leave her on her own in a room she's fine. If I leave her in a room with him, she cries. He can't seem to win.

I am contemplating weaning her from the boob. If I had some evidence that this would improve her relationship with DH then I would give it more serious thought.

Anyone any thoughts/experience?

Thanks

We have recently started nightweaning DS3 who is velcroed to me all night and was getting very very tiring.

Since DH has been going into him he has both slept better and enjoyed being with him more, playing and cuddling etc...

But I wouldn't want to wean him completely yet so in your case, think you'll have to decide if you're ready. Might be that it has nothing to do with BF of course? Or that your DH could just spend more time with her anyway?

How would you feel if you weaned her and it made no difference whatsoever?

dd was bf til 12 monthas and ds still is at 2 and a bit.

dd was daddy's little girl ever since she could point and say his name, this has only just changed since the summer and she's suddenly switched allegiance to me..... her playschool teachers noticed the first day she did it it was such a dramatic shift for her. there didn't seem to be any catalyst that triggered it, she just woke up one morning and decided on a change i think

ds is still daddy's boy.

it can be annoying at times (for instance if they hurt themselves and the 'wrong' parents goes to comfort them they go ballistic) but it just seems to be one of thos things it's easier to go with than to fight.

i certainly don't think nursing has anything to do with it as it certainly didn't make either of mine clingy to me.... in fact, i'd imagine if she loves nursing and you take that away there's a strong chance she'd get even more clingy and insecure around you.

like wilfsell said, if the issue is that she's not used to him then there's absolutely nothing preventing you dumping the 2 of them together for a few hours at the weekend and heading off out to the shops (out of sight, out of mind) and just letting them get on with it.

if you're hovering nearby every time he's in contact with her waiting to grab her then that could be the very cause of the problem.

Ds2 is very similar - he's 22mo and still bfs morning and night but until 20mo was an utter milk monster.

He's also the original Klingon baby and refuses to let dh do anything for him. He's been like it since birth - the only person he will go to if I am present is MIL.

DD is 3.3 and exactly the same yet she hasn't been bf since she was 8wks.

If I am not about and it's only dh they are fine but if it's a choice I win everytime.

We found we just had to let dh persevere with settling them at night etc and me disappearing off at times during the day so he gets some time with them without them screaming for me.

Don't wean unless you want to for other reasons. It probably won't make any difference and you'd have given up a lovely experience for nnothing.

DD1 was just like this, weaned after nursing strike at 13 months and still wouldn't have anything to do with DH for a few more months.
DD2 is the same, although now she sees DD1 with DH she is less wary.
DD1 is sucha daddy's girl now it's not even funny, so much so that I was told I couldn't have tea last night as
'It was so nice you should save it all for Dadd'
cow

'Tis a phase, and think about what mawbroon is saying.

No, DS2 used to be the same and still favours me more than his father and he is 5.2yrs.

He was 16mths when I stopped bfing him and he got worse before he got better. If I was even in the house he would insist that I did whatever needed doing rather than DH. I started to refuse occasionally in the end otherwise DH wouldn't have got to do anything with him or for him.

Lovely as it is to be adored, it is hard when it is 24/7 and you just want a few minutes of peace!

i do think the key to sanity when a child is like this is to only give in to it when it's not a hassle to do so...... ie; if they need help with something and favourite parent is free then favourite parent does it but if favourite parent is busy with something then they simply have to accept that the other parent is going to help them, whether they scream or not.

it might take a few tantrums but she'll eventually learn that just because she wants mommy to do everything for her doesn't mean that mommy is going to drop cooking the dinner to run around after her if daddy is there. she's too little to grasp the complexities of this but she should be old enough to grasp 'mommy can't, let daddy do it' and if you combine this wth lots of one on one time with daddy she should learn to accept him as a mummy substitute even if your still no.1 in her esteem

WilfSell - You are right, I need to decide if the time is right and I am ready to wean. I think I am looking for a 'good' reason to do it, probably because I am not ready. It would make more sense to try the DH spending more time with her route wouldn't it? Thanks.

mawbroon - I would feel rubbish if I'm honest.

PinkTulips - "in fact, i'd imagine if she loves nursing and you take that away there's a strong chance she'd get even more clingy and insecure around you" - this strikes a cord and is really the last thing I want for her.

I already leave her with him for most of Saturday morning while I take DD1 out and when I'm not there she is better with him than when I am there. However, when I am around there is definitely a bit of hovering on my part - think I need to get a bit tougher and not jump in so readily.

Thanks

Olihan - thank you. I am considering changing our routine to allow DH to do bedtime and whilst this could mean weaning it doesn't have to - just need to work out a way forward and what the priorities are.

chirpygirl - my DD1 is also a real daddy's girl now (after a very clingy beginning much like dd2!) and I am regularly reminded that I am bottom of her family love list - Dad is #1 followed by dd2 with me last!

I hope it is a phase and I am thinking very hard about mawbroon's comment.

Thanks

Neicie - DD2 likes her dad when he is eating in the lounge so I tend to dump her in there when he is so they can at least have some civil time together!

I love being adored and I know I will miss it as soon as it goes, I just wish she could like DH!!

Thanks

TreeTrunk (I bet you don't have tree trunk thighs btw) - I would thoroughly recommend reading La Leche League's How Weaning Happens book.

It doesn't tell you what to do, but covers all sorts of weaning related topics at all ages of children and has stories from other mothers who have been through it too.

Good luck with it, whatever you decide to do.

I ahev twins, and ours swap elegance every few months or so. it's just a way of them really getting to know their parents. You're first on the list at the mo. Daddy will have his turn at some point! I don't think b-feeding has much to do with it. If anything I agree with PinkTulips, it might make things worse as she will feel more insecure without her booby milk

Gosh, dyslexic moment there!!

TTT, we did it so that I would do the bf downstairs then dh would take him up and do the rest. That way he had his milk, we had our bed time snuggle but dh got a bit of quality time too. Plus ds1 and dd could have stories with me for a change.

My son was a mummies boy till he came off the breast,then it was all daddy daddy, but he came off when he was ready and I was ready. To me its not a valid reason to deny the breast, but if there are other considerations then you have already fed for a long time anyway. It's how you feel, if you are looking for a reason maybe you are ready, but I would leave the decision for two weeks and then see how you feel.

Me never I don't think Breastfeeding has got anything to do with it.. From when DD was few months old, she only had eyes for her daddy.. and I was the milk person it seemed! When I stopped breast feeding, you could see how it was fun for her to get fed by daddy...and a 3.4yrs old daddy is still the preferred person in her life!
It is nice of you to want your DD to like his daddy...I don't think my DH really can see how much DD preferred him!!!!
I doubt it that when she is few months older, she won't be having some fantastic time with your DH...encourage your DH to do more things just the 2 of them, to take her to the park etc.It is important!

Olihan - I've thought a lot over the weekend and I am going to give this a try, starting from tomorrow, didn;t have the guts tonight. Will feed downstairs then DH can take her up and do bath, story, cuddle and bed. Bit nervous but I guess if it goes terribly it's not irreversible and we can go back to how we are now and try something else to get her spending more time with him. Wish me luck!

Oh lots of luck! Let us know how you get on. It did take ds2 a few days before he accepted the change in routine and stopped spending the entire time from going upstairs to actually getting into bed sobbing for me. We found dh just had to stay ultra calm and act as though they were just having an ordinary bedtime - lots of chirpy commentary while he was bathing/changing him, reading stories and chatting about the pictures etc. IIRC dh did every night until he was better about going up with him then we swapped to doing alternate nights.

I took the dog out for a walk tonight and dh put ds2 to bed while I was out and he didn;t bat an eyelid. He's a lot better if he knows I'm not around at all. If he knows I'm downstairs he tends to create more for dh, I think in the vain hope that I will come up .

What's syour dd like if you're not there at all? Could you go out on Wednesday before the bedtime routine starts if she's really upset tomorrow? I found it helped my sanity too because I can't bear listening to ds2 cry for me and knowing that he would stop instantly if I went in, even though he's perectly fine with dh.

It will be worth it when you get there - ds2 still definitely prefers me but isn't any where near as bad as he was.

Update!

I decided to change around the bedtime routine as put forward by Olihan (a million thank yous btw!) so that I now feed DD downstairs and then DH takes her up to bath and story and bed.

He has done that Mon, Tues and Wed with a few tears (she cries for me getting her pyjamas on so nothing new there) but has gone to bed like a dream. And almost slept 'through' but that's another thread!

And, best of all, she went to him looking for a cuddle this morning when I was in the shower and didn't reach out for me AS SOON as I walked in the room - he was - it was ace.

He is late home tonight so I have put her to bed keeping to the same routine and so far so good. The story bit was lovely - almost as good as a snuggly feed and I feel great!

So, BIG thank yous all round and hopefully it will carry on as well as it has started and they will be best mates yet!

Beer tonight to celebrate - cheers.

Oh wow, that's just great news . I'm ludicrously happy for you and your dh .

Hooray! Long may it continue!