fending off the naysayers

6 replies

radiohelen · 20/11/2008 21:33

So here's the thing. My mum and my mil are both incredibly unsupportive of my attempts to bf. I've really struggled and had to mixed feed but they think nothing of reminding me that "he needs more food" at every available turn. I had a 10 minute conversation this morning with mil about why I should be giving ds baby rice (he's 16 weeks!!) This happens pretty much every time we speak. My mum does everything she can to try and get me to give him more formula...."he's a hungry boy" and gloriously...when she gets to feed him she grabs the bottle and says things like "come on then..this is the good stuff".
So the question is...does anyone else deal with this...and how do you do it politely?..I've been coming close to exploding recently and I actually don't want them to come and stay - even though I could really do with some help. I'm running out of things to say.

OP posts:

RubySlippers · 20/11/2008 21:35

tell them they are undermining you, that you don't appreciate it and the best food for a 4 month old is breast milk

do it with a smile on your face but in a firm tone

if they raise it again, say it is not up for discussion

ilovemydog · 20/11/2008 21:35

Keep them away at feeding time?

QueenFee · 20/11/2008 21:38

If it helps you - remember this is what they were taught as mums and probably won't change their opinions.

I just used to say things like well recent research has proved...

It also helped me to find someone who agreed with me to download with after I had had one of this discussions!

Olihan · 20/11/2008 21:48

I agree with saying what RubySlippers wrote. Be calm, rational, don't be drawn into discussions, just make your point and if they carry on take your baby off to feed in another room. You could also refuse to let them feed him - don't hand over the bottle, sit down and say with a big smile 'It's fine, I'll do it but if you want to help the ironing/washing/dinner/ needs sorting and would really make my life easier. There's no point in them coming to 'help' if they're only there to criticise. You'd be less stressed if you were doing it all by yourself by the sounds of it.

He's your baby, you are doing the best thing for you and him, if they can't be supportive they need to have the courtesy to keep their opinions to themselves.

TBH, you need to put your foot down now because there will be so many more issues over the coming years when you will need to assert your position as mum. Don't let them think they can strong arm you into doing it their way.

Lizum · 20/11/2008 23:41

Perhaps you can give them a copy of the Unicef/NHS leaflet "off to the best start". Perhaps they'll think again if the advice is coming from these sources.

In my antenatal class, the grandmas-to-be often commented on how different things were now. I don't know what your birth experience was like but compare a birthing centre experience today to the on your back on a bed experience of the past... a vastly different experience.

pudding25 · 21/11/2008 09:58

Personally, I wouldn't be able to stay calm and polite. They are undermining you and being extremely rude. I would have a huge go at them, armed with all the leaflets you can find. If you have an OH, I would get him to have a stern word with both of them. They have had their chance to be parents, it is your turn now.

It is no excuse that things were different in their day. The world has changed. I am sure that if there was a medical issue and the dr offered them some pills which were not around when they were young, they would not turn round and say it was all a load of rubbish.

However, you may not want to be as aggresive about it as I am (I just have a huge issue with people telling me what to do when they are so obviously wrong) so you may want to listen to the others instead

I hope you sort it out but remember that you are doing the right thing.

Flip