15 months, teething constantly and massive tantrums if I try to unlatch him

[IAteMakkaPakka]

I know it's a phase and it will undoubtedly pass but I'm approaching wit's end here, I could use any advice going.

DS has always been an enthusiatic comfort feeder and I'm normally fine with this. He feeds on demand and he cosleeps after his first waking. Last week was disrupted as we had relatives staying so they got our bed and we slept in DS's room on a mattress. He woke every night for an hour or two with teething. This week he's been bothered by teething intermittently but has also had a grotty cold and so he's been grumpy and off his food.

At times like these I realise he needs to feed more and it's always been fine but he's on the mend now and he's totally refusing to finish feeds. He'd be sooking away for hours if he could. As a newborn I tolerated it to my best ability but now I am back to work and very tired and I'm neither coping with the incessant chewing nor the clawing and tugging and tantrumming when I stop the feed.

Bedtime last night took me over an hour and most of it was spent with him screaming to be picked up but then thrashing around pulling at my top when I did. And of course I feel guilty for not meeting his needs and for rejecting him. But I just can't go on like this.

Bump

Two thoughts - he's ill and grumpy and needs to suck constantly SO tough it out and it'll get better when he does? Sleep all weekend and leave your dp to deal with the dcs & housework? Maybe by next week this will have all calmed down and feeding him will be a pleasure again.

Or - he's ill and grumpy and needs to suck constantly BUT it's not making him feel any better is it? And you feel terrible. So maybe this is when you nudge him firmly in the direction of weaning from the breast by going out all day leaving him with his dad so you can't feed him; wearing clothes you can't feed him in without getting undressed and getting dad to put him to bed and do the night wakings!

Both of them are tough options and neither is necessarily the "right" one for you. Not sure which I'd do in the circumstances - esp if you do not have anyone to help like a dp?

And btw - as for "I feel guilty for not meeting his needs and for rejecting him"....I doubt very much that's how it is for him. You are doing your best but it's not working at the moment. Try not to blame yourself (hard I know if you're female [hmmm])

His basic need is for loving caring parents who have the energy to look after him and see him through the difficult times. Remember he's a toddler/teenager in disguise and boundary setting will have to come soon - not always giving children exactly what they want when they want it is not (IMO) neglectful.

To be feeding at 15 months while back at work is absolutley wonderful! Keep doing it for as long as it works for him and you.

Thanks for replying.

I have no problem with the waking up - he's never slept through ever, it's just that the wakings are for long periods reather than a quick feed and back to sleep.

My gut feeling is that he needs fed just now, and I don't feel like now is a kind time to wean him, but I am also very, very frstrated. Part of me wonders if my resistance is what's making him so needy ...?

Also, maybe it's general separation anxiety, because he's also showed some distress at me leaving for work a few times in the last couple of weeks. Until now he's been fine to wave me off with a smile, if he can even be bothered! Generally though, he's fairly confident and independent - he's happy to play away from me on his own and is OK with other people most of the time.

Who knows!