Weaning breastfed toddlers with another baby in the house - how???? (LONG)

[whomovedmychocolate]

DD is a milk monster - she's two, she would happily feed all day every day and has three feeds a day at least. She constantly follows me round saying 'booby, booby' (which is better than two months ago when she used to say 'norks, norks' (I blame you lot for that!)) but it's a marginal difference.

I'm starting to really resent it because DS is also a milk monster (he's nearly four months and off the weight charts) and I'm exhausted with making so much milk. I'm actually continually eating and not gaining any weight, I'm constantly thirsty and hungry and my boobs are so heavy they ache all the time because I'm carrying so much milk round with me.

Not to mention my 32K bras which are more like structural engineering than lingerie!

Anyway I'd like to reduce DDs milk consumption down to two feeds a day and then gradually drop to one a day, with a view to either her naturally weaning, or me weaning her, within the next three months. I feel horribly guilty doing this but I also reckon I've done much more than most mums do and I'm entitled to want my tits back at some point!

I'm not planning to wean DS so she is going to be horribly jealous - she already thinks that every time he gets milk, she is getting it too . So I need advice on how to do it.

My problems are:

(1) She normally feeds before naps at lunchtime - DH has offered to take her out in the car to knock her out but I think that's just replacing one undesirable habit with another. I have managed to get her to take a nap twice without milk. But he has never managed it.

(2) In the morning her first thought is of milk. She does the mummy mantra of calling me continually till I turn up and then she just says booby continually at ascending volume (which wakes the baby so I have to feed both at once often which is bloody frustrating not to mention a feat in itself because they are not tiny).

(3) She's still preferring milk over food and will miss meals and then try and make it up with breastmilk. So I end up limiting the time she can spend feeding. But she feeds so fast it is actually quite uncomfortable - she seems to have devised a method where the milk shoots out at high volume and it's painful when it lets down so fast. But I don't think it's a latch issue - anyone experienced this?

I'm actually really sad that it's come to the point where I feel I have to restrict her. So any advice to make things easier would be appreciated.

Errr -your body, your rules!! Surely? If you don't want to bf a 2 year old anymore then don't. Yes there will be tears and tantrums, but it will only last a few days at most. As long as you keep offering cows milk and a varied diet (which you clearly are already), she will not starve!!!!

lol

wmmc I think in your shoes I would push harder for cutting back on feeds, to say two a day (first and last thing), than giving up totally.
This is not too much of a shock for your DD and will help give your DD some security still and not feel like she is being pushed out by the baby, but should make life easier for you.
I think once you can get a toddler to sleep in the day minus a feed then you will feel freer and less relied upon.
And I speak as the mother of a very boob obsessed 18 month old DS2 who will create and scream until I feed him! DS1 was never quite so into b-milk...

Is it Aitch's habit to make random noises after anyone suggests taking a firm line with a 2 year old?

Not Aitch but MN in general - if someone says something that goes against the grain then prepare for snooty comments, ridicule or the good old ganging up mentality. I do not know why people can't stop bf a 2 year old if they no longer want to do it. Who rules the roost???

Spoken like someone who has clearly never breastfed a boob obsessed 2 year old.

joliegirl ever breastfed a 2 year old?

Please remember the original line of the thread was someone asking for advice on how to stop.

joliegirl, weaning cold turkey like you suggest would be very cruel. Showing kindness to a small child is not the same as them "ruling the roost" - I do hope you can see that.

i think most peeople, including the OP have advocated the removal of feeds done with firmness and kindness, particularly given the awkwardness of a young hungry brother in the mix. screeching 'it's your body' at the OP is just laughably stupid, and 'good grief! stop feeling guilty' is imo rather unkind and insensitive. so there you go... that's my long version.

oh, and as for ganging up... are you sure that's not what you and char are doing to me?!

Thank you, longer is better! I don't mean to be unkind, but she did sound like she was feeling guilty and as everyone has said she has no need to as she's clearly trying her hardest to do the right things by her children. If you felt bad about something wouldn't you want someone to say it's OK, you needn't feel so bad?
Good Grief was a natural exclamation at the problems she is facing. She is having a hard time and that made me exclaim as I would hate to be in such a position.
Maybe that's not how I came across so thank you Aitch for giving me the chance!

okay-doke.
perhaps itseemed tougher to me as i 'know' wmmc on here and know she's not given to martyrdom?

Aitch - I'm sorry dear, I go away for five minutes and all hell breaks lose. Can I cheer you up with a tale of my DD who went into the shop this morning - pointed to the wine and said 'that's Daddy milk that is'

Okay, so everything went completely to pot on Monday! She did so well and got to bed really well with no milk except morning and night and then....

...woke up covered in vomit two hours later. She had a really bad bug all night and I did too. So yesterday she had just boob all sodding day

But today we started again and so far so good, she had a bit of a wail earlier when I explained to her she had to nap without boob and she didn't nap but did calm down and was read stories instead. Now daddy has taken her to the park and she seems quite content. She'll probably conk out on the way home though which I'm not too chuffed about but as DH says it's not fair to ask for help and then tie one hand behind his back and if day one this is the only thing that works ce la vie. We can tweak later.

If I can get her down to two feeds a day I think I'll carry on till she self weans. She's starting nursery one afternoon a week next week so I think that'll give her something else to focus on.

Oh and I'm not a matyr btw, but those who haven't breastfed toddlers don't really understand it. Imagine you had a child you were so attached to, it physically hurt when they were upset (because your boobs ache and you also find it very hard to see them in such internal turmoil - it's what they have known gives them comfort from birth - it is of course replaceable but not without some suffering so for me, cold turkey is about as palatable as chewing dog poo thank you ever so much).

Good luck WMMC and keep us posted. I would love to get my DD down to two feeds a day eventually (I won't start until well after the baby is here though). One thing occurs to me though - will your DD perhaps want to feed more after starting nursery? - mine did after we increased her time at the childminder, a reassurance thing I think.

dramasequalzero - she's only going for three hours (one session) a week! She's never been away from me so I have no idea how she'll react but she's due to start preschool in 11 months so I reckon we ought to find out!

We got through today okay but with quite a few spells of tears which I only found out tonight was because she wasn't feeling well and we ended the night with explosive sloppy poos on the potty

Poor love she went to bed feeling so sorry for herself. It was a pleasure to be able to go up and make her feel better with a bit of milk.

I weaned my older one and am still feeding the smaller one.....

The older one was nearly 4 though. I tandem fed for nearly two years.

IIRC DD1 upped her feeds drastically for a while, we dropped some, she got sick, they went up, we dropped them, I hated it, loved it, and am so glad I did it in retrospect, but it is bloody hard at the time.

We got down to the mornings only by introducing daddy story time at bedtime, follwed by milk, then she started nodding off while having the story. We negotiated the total weaning with a gold ring as proof that she was a big girl. She has asked a couple of times since and I gave her the chance but she has lost the knack.

Well I ain't been through this as my elder pretty much stopped by the time the baby was born but I laughed at your thread and you sound really lovely,they are lucky babies!Has made me feel sad that I didn't tandem feed actually.

Wow - cudos to you!

Sort of knew that DD wasn't interested anymore when she looked at my boob and laughed. She was about 13 months, and while I was happy to continue, she found it all a bit hysterical. Isn't there a type of therapy where people just laugh?

WMMC, I'm sure your DD will love her nursery session. I only mentioned it because I've noticed my DD wanting to feed a bit more when something changes in her life. Hope your DD feels better soon.

I'm tandem nursing my 2.3 year old DD and 3 month old DS. Yes, we have days when I am far too 'touched out' and feel like the biggest milk cow ever but I have more days when the nursing sessions really help the day go well. Toddlers can't scream with their mouth full

My DD has also upped her milk feeds and reduced her solids. I did start to worry a lot about her milk intake and tried to reduce her feeds by suggesting she waited for nap time etc but TBH she got so upset I thought sod it, lets just go with the flow. She has been great with her brother and I think this is in part to sharing her milk.

I understand how torn you feel at times, if you asked me about tandem nursing, I would give a different answer depending on how I felt at that particular moment. It is the best parenting tool but it is far from easy at times.

Things that have helped me....

I try and nurse them seperately when possible. I can nurse them together in the rugby hold but it makes me feel more touched out. I try and keep tandem nursing them together for moments when they both need a nurse NOW for whatever reason. Usually this is end of the long afternoon or when DD is ill/hurt and need instant comforting.

I find that DD will wait five minutes if I ask her, so I can finish DS feed before starting hers.

Offering a nurse when my arms are free of DS, is very welcome to my DD and seems to help when she has to wait later in the day.

I often ask her to latch off and give me a wide mouth, until I get a good latch on her side. It is worth working on their latches especially when teething or tired when they get sloppy.

If it is too much to give her a full nurse I nurse her as long as I can bear and then tell her she can have to the count of 5 or 10 and she has to get off. That seems to work well.

HTH

BE - I can hear myself saying "big Mouth dd1, Big Mouth"

I am now saying it to dd2 it must be an age thing.

I ta with everything you are saying, nice to know I'm not alone.

Well it's all gone to hell in a handbasket today. Very disturbed night, both kids have explosive diarrhea (nice) as do I . Except I've got vomiting too! We've all got stinky colds (good job you can't transmit bugs through the Internet else you'd all be floored by the petri dish family chocolate ) So consequently, DD has had four feeds today rather than two and has been crying pretty much all day and DS has been doing the same but with a growth spurt thrown in for good measure - how did he get to be four months old, I'm sure he was only six weeks a second ago .

I've given up for now. Will start again when we are all feeling a bit more human.

But thank you, all of you for your stories and suggestions!

oh yes now NOT a good time. i hope you feel better soon wmmc.

Top tip - weaning isn't linear. I struggled with that the first time.

Hope you all are better soon.