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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

<sigh> is this the end of the road then...? (long and venty sorry)

12 replies

WilfSpell · 06/11/2008 15:33

Hello fellow Breastfeeders and BF gurus.

I have been absent for some time.

Am wondering if me and my littlest have hit a wall that is unclimbable.

He is 15 months and have been continuing to feed because we both seemed to want to, he seems to need to feed lots - is doing so straight after work/nursery, before bed, first thing in the morning (6am ish) and then again before work/nursery.

But many nights, he is also feeding at 12 and 3 as well. If these night feeds would be a simple slurp and then straight back to sleep I could cope, but it is sometimes an hour of suckling until he is asleep again.

And sometimes it is an hour of screaming instead.

The bottom line is this: we have two older kids and two jobs and the night wakings are placing an enormous strain on the whole family. The middle child is feeling neglected by me, since I am always the one dealing with the baby or catching up on sleep. This is not for lack of trying alternatives: we've tried the DH going in with a cup of milk but the inconsolable fury is just not worth it: he screams for two hours then and everyone is awake. So I am wondering -given we've tried night weaning unsuccessfully, and my hunch that the more I feed the more he is reminded that he can come to me in the night and therefore won't be soothed by my other half... - is it better now just to stop completely?

It seems so brutal.

The other options - co-sleeping for example - aren't working well either: if he's in bed with me (as opposed to sat in his room in a chair feeding with me) he simply lies on top of me, feeding all night and poking or pinching me and no-one gets any sleep (he doesn't do the kind of feeding one can sleep through...)

Am really at end of tether: exhausted and getting to resent it and him sometimes.

I don't even really, rationally want to stop: I wanted to carry on to build up his immune system as the other two suffered with terrible persistent coughs and chest infections that made their first two years hell. I thought we might get a break this time and have a nice 'easy' baby! We're beginning to feel a bit victimised (ridiculous! by who?) because he is such hard work.

And my eldest child is being a royal pain also, no doubt because we are all struggling with exhaustion so he doesn't get a good deal either.

BF by this stage should be just easy, I thought. Ha ha ha.

Any ideas before I collapse in a heap somewhere. Cold turkey? Some kind of magic sleep and weaning plan? (we have the Bengtson book and the No cry sleep book and neither are giving much inspiration right now - but perhaps I am just too tired...)

OP posts:
mawbroon · 06/11/2008 21:05

Are you able to fit in an extra feed or two during the day?

I have found that cutting out day feeding makes my ds feed more at night, and cutting out night feeding makes my ds feed more during the day.

It's almost like they want to feed for x amount of time and they will fit it in whenever they can!

phdlife · 06/11/2008 21:13

sympathies, WS (and nice to see you again)

the only thing that occurs to me is, is there a possibility that he's teething? only my ds became impossibly sucky - going back to 2-3 feeds a night plus, if he had his way, about 900 comfort sucks - when his pre-molars were coming through. just a thought? sorry no help!

mmelody · 06/11/2008 21:32

Hi.. how terrible for you all, I know too well the pain of sleep deprivation but I think at last we have cracked it.
My DS is 16 months old and a complete boobie addict. He feeds 3-4 times a day and up until 2 months ago was waking 3-4 times a night to feed back to sleep.

I was a walking zombie and completely incapable of continuing to work effectively both in work and at home. We tried co-sleeping and had exactly the same problem as you and I was just an all night milk bar!

I have a well thumbed copy of the no-cry sleep solution and I have haunted the sleep forums of mumsnet and others looking for help.

In the end... this is what we did.
When he woke in the night crying as usual I would go to him and just offer water from a beaker.. yes the first time was a nightmare and he cried in fury and was mightily fed up with me but I just stayed with him and cuddled him and after about 10mins he calmed down enough to go back to sleep. Of course he woke again and we repeated again and again..

I dont think it was controlled crying as I never left him for any time and I stayed with him the whole time he was crying. It took 2 nights.. really honest to god and hope to die it took two nights of this (and yes it was 2 nights of hell!!) But after 2 nights he started to wake less and when he did wake he would just go back to sleep with a brief cuddle or a back rub.

We have just had our very frst run of 'through the night' and he has slept from 7-5.30am... something I would NEVER EVER have thought possibe a few months ago.

I was just like you and on the verge of going cold turkey but now feel very positive and actually in conrol again.

I hope it gets better for you soon.

maygirl · 06/11/2008 22:15

Hi, we've been there too. I agree with phdlife, has he got his back teeth yet? My DS never cried, drooled, had a temperature, red cheeks etc with teething, but did have phases of wanting prolonged night nursings before a big tooth would cut through. I found when he woke in the night, a dose of bonjela before feeding usually made the feed a short one, after which he'd settle no fuss, rather than a hour long fidgety session. He's now 2, has all teeth, occasionally wakes for a night feed but its always a quick and easy one nowadays which I don't mind. I've also found recently since its got colder, tucking him in really tight with the duvet before I go to bed often gets him to sleep through, I think he thinks he's in my bed under our duvet, squashed tight between us!! Not sure if he'll stop sleeping through again when summer comes and its back to a sheet!
I hope it gets better for you all soon

phdlife · 06/11/2008 22:24

huh maygirl - think I'll have to try the bonjela first, feed 2nd idea! mind you we always did bonjela then calpol then feed. god knows how we'll get through next round of teething now he's stopped bfing!

fishie · 06/11/2008 22:30

wilfy i have only the one child but...

dh did most bedtimes between 1 and 2rs, after which i took over again and started to make more rules which were enforced by my magic bosom. and from about 18m no feeding before 3am (ie dh settles).

BabyBaby123 · 07/11/2008 13:57

personally, I would ride out the inconsonable fury tbh - it sounds like you are all feeling miserable because of them - at his age he shouldn't be waking for night feeds and seems to be using you more as a dummy. Will he take a dummy???

I would think a couple of weeks tops of him being really angry would be all it would take to break the cycle and then you can all get back to normal.

Fair enough if you want to carry on with the daytime feeding but the night feeds are not really helping anyone at this stage imo

PortAndLemon · 07/11/2008 14:00

When you say you've tried the DH going in with a cup of milk but the inconsolable fury is just not worth it, how long did you try it for? I would expect that to take a week or so.

BabyBaby123 · 07/11/2008 14:02

get your dh to go in with water rather than milk - after a while it won't be worth the effort of waking up for!

WilfSpell · 07/11/2008 14:28

Oh my, lots of replies! Thanks.

Could be teething. Somehow I always forget about teeth! He still only has 7 - 4 on top and 3 on bottom - that last little one on the bottom row still hasn't come through despite all the others coming in about 3 weeks together! Perhaps he is about to cut a few more... I will try the bonjela and see if that helps.

God, so sleep deprived can't even get teething sorted (after 3 babies!)

And yes, perhaps we haven't been quite as firm as we should, or given it as long as we should. Last night was awful again - he woke at 11.30 and I fed him for an hour and then cuddled him for half an hour and then put him in his bed.... And immediately he was up and screaming. So I burst into tears in exhaustion and exasperation and DH went in. He SCREAMED for 45 minutes without a break (I put my ipod on VERY loud and tried to read and avoid thinking about the knots in my stomach).

But after 45 mins of DH either cuddling him while he arched away or him throwing himself around in his cot, he finally lay down and slept in exhaustion. I think we have agreed that DH will just have to go in with some water and I will have to listen to the screams...

Thanks for all your support, I really appreciate it. Wilf.

OP posts:
WilfSpell · 07/11/2008 20:22

Right, have stocked up on Bonjela, am armed with cup of water and we are primed for firm action.

I even have some new earplugs.

Wish me luck.

OP posts:
phdlife · 07/11/2008 21:08

good luck, WS!!

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