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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Does anyone find that their commitment to breastfeeding is influenced by the people around them?

13 replies

chequersandchess · 05/11/2008 20:55

Just wondered really.

I've always thought of myself as a fairly independent-minded person but I've surprised myself by the extent to which other mothers influence how I feel about breastfeeding.

In my NCT group of 6, four have exclusively b/f, one has formula fed (had a preemie and felt she had no choice) and I have been mixed feeding since week 2.

Mixed feeding was due to severe weight loss and never managed to recover exclusive breastfeeding and have felt quite guilty on and off about this.

Anyway, one of the NCT girls is now planning to supplement with formula at 3 months and another is just switching to formula and has introduced rusks at 12 weeks (we're holding out on weaning til 6 months btw, in case anyone feels the need to comment on this).

It's surprised me that them using formula has made me feel better/less judged (?) than I have felt previously about mixed feeding.

Anyone else felt like this? I guess I'm just rambling really (also don't feel that any of them have ever really judged me anyway).

OP posts:

ChairmumMiaow · 05/11/2008 21:01

chequers - my NCT group was similar. One FF from early on due to being completely failed with her after-care from hospital etc. When a second switched at around 6 weeks (she was struggling and had had enough) she definitely felt better.

I sometimes felt judged for being determined not to use formula though - as I am now the only one out of 7 whose DC has never had any. They all think I'm strange, particularly as I don't think any of them intend to continue after 1 - which I most definitely do. Despite being very happy and determined to do this, I'm already feeling like everyone's staring (or rather deliberately not looking at me) at baby groups when I feed DS, and it makes me uncomfortable about feeding in public even though DS is only 9mo. (Also not intending to stop day feeds until after 1 depending on what his preference is). So yes, what others are doing affects how I feel about it - if only one of them were planning to feed longer, I would feel less out of place!

Original poster

chequersandchess · 05/11/2008 21:03

That's interesting Miaow, hand't thought of it the other way but I can really imagine the same effect regarding the duration of b/f.

OP posts:

wastingmyeducation · 05/11/2008 22:18

I definitely feel the odd one out, and very isolated breastfeeding. Now we've got to six months, it's going to be even worse! But I will carry on getting them out whenever and wherever. it would be nice to have someone in RL who has ebf too.

NotBigNotClever · 05/11/2008 22:27

I didn't go to an antenatal class or join any groups and I just did my own thing - which was ebf for 2 years for both dcs. If I had joined groups I definitely would have been more influenced by what other people were doing. Whilst it's nice to have advice and support, I sometimes feel you can have too much of both of these, if that makes sense.

primigravida · 05/11/2008 22:36

I totally agree, now that ds is one, I feel a bit like that odd one out for stll bf'ing so I'm going to a La Leche League meeting next week to meet-up with other extended bf mothers. At the same time the fact that my extended family is so pro-bf meant that I kept bf when I was struggling in the early days as everyone was so supportive and I would have felt like the odd one out then if I'd switched to formula as we don't give it to babies under six months in my extended family. However, once the same baby is one you start getting asked when you're stopping bf. Sorry about rambling.

hotpotmama · 05/11/2008 22:40

Yes, I think it is. With DS1 I was definitely influenced by those around me, SIL's and friends having babies and I breastfed DS1 for 5 months but introduced a bottle earlier to make sure he would take one. With DS2 only did it for 4 months.

With DS3 it has been completely different. HAve breastfed him exclusively for 6 months and will probably carry on doing for a while. He was very poorly at 4 weeks, spent 2 weeks in hospital and has had a lot of tests since so I felt like I was really helping him by breastfeeding whereas with the other 2 although I knew it was better for them I didn't think too much about the health side of it really.

Think Mumsnet has also influenced me re breastfeeding (in a positive way). I've learned a lot more about it.

PeppermintPatty · 05/11/2008 22:45

My mum BF me and my siblings till 1 year old, and most of my extended family did too. I think this was the biggest influence on my decision to BF - it never even occured to me to feed DD any other way.

However, BFing is not the norm where I live, and some of my friends did comment on me BFing.
It made me feel annoyed more than anything - it never affected my decision on how to feed DD.

So to answer your question - I think my family had more of an influence than my friends.

MerlinsBeard · 05/11/2008 22:53

I did with DS2. I mix fed him (long story) and when someone else said they were ff sompletely i felt that it was ok for me to do it too (4 months)

ds3 is 8 months and i am still bf him although he does have an occasional bottle, no one around me has another child the same age so am not influenced either way

bigmouthstrikesagain · 05/11/2008 23:00

Interesting question I have ext bf both my older children - I was the only one in the antenatal group I met up with after ds was born to do so. I had moved when I had dd and was a total billy no mates whilst feeding her and did so till she was over 2. Now dd2 is 2 weeks old and I am still not part of any groups but am friendly with a couple of mothers and still intend to ebf and will not be influenced by their decisions on feeding their babies - ff seems such a faff to me and I know I would not get on with all that mixing and sterilising - I am a lazy mare.

So nope - I was not influenced but I do tend to avoid talking about the fact I fed for so long/ have never used formula when at toddler groups - I do feel self conscious about it sometimes which is sad.

MrsBadger · 05/11/2008 23:18

yes, in the same direction as Miauw

but I never avoided talking about it at groups etc

mummalish · 06/11/2008 09:01

I am expressing all my milk, and am happy to do so. I get so many comments, mainly from my ff friends, who keep urging me to stop, saying its a waste of my time, etc. I get so angry, as this is what I choose to do. It's my own choice, and i dont mind doing it, and I really dont understand why I get these comments. I think ff is great, and fine, and will never judge my friends choices, so why is it they judge mine.

Maria2007 · 06/11/2008 09:19

I too have been influenced (mainly made to feel bad but other times influenced in a good way) by some of my peers & family. My boy is 3 months old & I've been ebf since the start, although I've given a mixed bottle of formula plus expressed milk 3-4 times, when I hadn't managed to express enough & had to go out. My NCT group has actually been great- all ebf & yes, that's influenced me positively to continue trying even when there are problems.

I come from Greece, where bf is still much less common than it is here... and I constantly get questions from friends & family in Greece when we talk on the phone. Main question is 'are you STILL breastfeeding?!' My father keeps asking me, in a supposedly good natured way, about 'how long I'm planning to bf for'. When I casually tell him 'hopefully 6 months but maybe a year' he then says 'but you'll get exhausted!' The underlying message being 'it's just not making me comfortable to hear about you wanting to breastfeed for a year'.

In the end, to each their own. Breastfeeding is hard, & it needs support & perseverance to continue. Formula feeding has lots of advantages which I do see, but I just wish people would stop making comments one way or another, & leave each woman make her decisions for herself...

alittlebitshy · 06/11/2008 10:35

What a good thread Chequers .

I think that I am not very good at being independent minded and I always feel the need to ask people how they did x, when y happened etc. I'm starting to see (ds is now 15 weeks - and it's not like he's my first dc ) that it shouldn't matter. I am me, ds i ds and I am his mum - it's what works for us that matters, not what so and so did with their ds and so on.....

I am ecstatic that I am bf-ing him. Still having some comfort issues but I can't believe I am managing - and he is gaining LOADS of weight so it's good!!

We have one ff a day. This was because in the early days I was totally losing it at the night feeds and I think introducing his ff saved bf for me. I'm sure lots of my friends think it would have been easiest just to switch to ff but I am starting to think about how proud I will be if I managed to get beyond 6 months too - in a showing myself I can do it way, but also in a show the world kind of way.

As I read back thorugh this I note that I am still justifying the ff. Prob not how it should be but I guess i feel guilty about it and think I'm going to be judged....

I'm not sure I'm making any sense... so I'll stop....

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