Mommy's boy ? Did your child become very clingy due to extended BF ?

[kookool]

I am sure this is just another BF myth, but the other day I told someone that I will BF my son until he is 2 years old (if he doesn't self-wean before then) and he said that my boy will become a real "mommy's boy" and cling to my skirt for ever ! He said it would be emotionally unhealthy for a child to be breastfed that long .

My DS is now nearly 9 months old and I don't ever want to give up BF. Will he become a mommy's boy if I BF for more than a year ? Discuss !

spots is spot on IMO

I am really pleased with what I have heard so far and it confirms my gut reactions. I actually dread the day when he may no longer want mummy's milk !

The thing is I am not planning to have any more children (I am 37 and would like to continue my career when he gets to 3 - 4 years old)) and I keep hearing from people that only children often lack drive, confidence, get-up-and go, whatever you want to call it. I have always been extremely confident, outspoken and outgoing since a small child (I was breastfed to 6 months and am the youngest in the family), so it's really important that my son is the same and that he has loads of confidence to stand up for himself, make loads of friends, etc. I know that one day when my DH and I are gone he will feel lonely for a while without siblings, but that's why he needs to be a confident adult.

I am glad that you all seem to confirm confidence is actually improved with extended breastfeeding.

Didnt read all the threads here, just the original one. NO, NO NO, babies do not become clingy from breastfeeding!!!!! Why does this old crone wives tale still exist. I remember my MIL taking my newborn son off of me when he was a week old and putting him in his cot saying "now, no mollycoddling!!" I took my child from her and gave her a recitatation she will never forget. BAbies are babies, theyare supposed to be babies, and are SUPPOSED to be clingy. Its when they ARENT clingy that you should worry.

Breastfeeding is the natural way to feed and as we all know, creates the unique and desired bond between mommy and baby. One day this myth will be put to rest i hope.

I'm interested Kookool in what you have just said about only children. In my experience only children are often the opposite of that description (I wonder who is giving you all this doom-mongering advice?)in that they are self-motivated and confident. Statistics about birth order always show that only children perform similarly to first-borns in that they tend to be the most motivated, higher achievers, etc. All that one-to-one attention. Plus, greater resources can be given to only children.

mamadadawahwah (what a great name - one of the best !) & Cam - yes - I think I am surrounded by people who have old wives tales written all over them ! Even my friend whose husband is a surgeon and breastfed both her boys for 3 months has some very peculiar ideas about BF ! Thank goodness for mumsnet, eh ?

kookool- I went to see the doctor the other day because i had tonsilitis. Anyway I said to him that i was still bfing (because of the effect of some drugs) and he looked at dd (13months old) in her pram and said- oh, have you another baby then. FFS. No I said dd's only just turned 1- oh he said so when are you going to stop then?

Luckily he was a locum and I won't have to see him again

what would we do without the "experts". If we all breastfed, we would have a lot less need for the paediatricians. What would we do with Dr spock, and his ilk. We wouldnt need them if we listened to our mothers and grandmothers coupled with a bit of new science.

In africa/s america where Nestle tries to get mothers with no running water to use baby formula, i wonder if their kids are more independent? Or do they just die.

There is a battle against breastfeeding. I live in N. Ireland and was told whilst breastfeeding in a shopping mall, to "do that somewhere else", by a woman!!!!! This woman was about 50 and was probably breast fed herself. Says a lot about what she thinks about the "body" and breasts. But more it speaks of how she was probably brainwashed by, well i dont know who, doctors, media, her own self image. Breastfeeding is very uncommon here.

If the powers that be can get you to stop breastfeeding, its like "they" have a hold on you and your child. Already, a bond has been broken and the "independence" thing starts. As i have said on another thread, "independence" from what? the family?

mamadadawahwah - you are so right. I try not to be "militant" with my own relatives and friends about BF, but I just can't help it and they annoy me so much sometimes !

I think its inexcusable that we live in the developed, rich countries of the world, with all the knowledge at our fingertips, and yet there is still so much prejudice about somthing as important to a baby's well-being as BF.

Also, if a child is clingy, how can you just attribute that to one aspect of your parenting? How do you know? It can be due to all sorts of things. What rubbish. Says more about your friend's attitude to extended b/f. I would suggest that deep down he sees extended b/f as "unnecessary" as so makes a judgement about a child who still wants it. If it's not that, it's the mum who "has a problem". Ho hum. Good for you for b/f and doing the best thing for you both I say.

beansprout - I quite agree. BF is only one aspect of parenting (and an excllent one at that). Obviously babies have personalities made up of different aspects of their experiences as well as genes of course. How else can one explain such huge differences between the personalities of children of the same family. I have absolutely nothing in common with my brother and sister although brought up in the same way by the same parents !

So if I gave my baby boy lots of barbie dolls and pink t-shirts would he become a "girl" all of a sudden ? I am sure there are many people who would think giving a baby boy pink things is going to cause gender confusion or vice versa ? I remember going to Italy for Xmas to visit friends (Italians absolutely adore children) in my single days. For a bit of a laugh and also because I was a real "tom-boy" myself when small I took my Italian friends 2 small daughters little red toy Ferraris that said "Agip" on them (the father worked for the oil company "Agip"). They simply didn't see the funny side of it and looked at me like I was nuts giving their daughters cars ! Of course the two little girls loved the cars and spend all day pushing them around on the stone floors !

I breastfed my ds1 til he was 14 months and although he is very clingy i think it has more to do with me never putting him down or leaving him with anyone else but me. He was my first baby so i thought that nobody could look after him as well as me. He even slept in our bed cause i didnt think he'd 'cope' sleeping away from his mommy (more like i wouldnt cope )

He self weaned when i got pregnant again, i read that it is because the milk changes its taste but i dont know if this is true. We put him in his own bed at 20 months and he loved it! We had decorated it winnie the pooh which was his favourite at the time. He still wont sleep through though and wakes 3 times a night

ds2 who i only fed for 10 weeks has slept through since 4 months and is very independant and doesnt mind being left but this is probably because he started nursery at 6 months and nothing to do with breast/bottle feeding

Pixiefish, I had exactly the same situation when ds was 18 months and I had tonsillitis. Except that the doctor I saw was not a locum and was a grandmother herself (apparently this gave her the right to tell me it was time to give up b/f). I made an official complaint about the old witch to the practice manager and the PCT

Can I join in - I've actually just written another thread in Relationships about issues with my mother's boyfriend one of which is his attitude towards me breastfeeding ds2. Ds2 is only 10 months

I don't know how long I'm going to feed him for... vague ideas about to 12 months so I can easily go straight to cows milk, but also like kookool would quite happily go until 2 for the immunity. Hadn't really thought about it really. Not keen on feeding when they're 3/4 but prepared to change my mind when/if I get there! I reserve the right to tailor my approach depending on my child and how I feel

But this latest spat has just made me feel even more determined and SO bloody cross. I suppose I've been lucky in that I've NEVER experienced negative reactions to my breastfeeding before - always had lots of praise and "well dones". I really struggled to feed ds1 and it's been such a breeze feeding ds2.

Think I might just feed ds2 to college age just to spite the man ;)

Is it anecdote time about dunder-headed doctors?

I hade one tell me it was ridiculous for me to be still feeding ds2 at nine months and he couldn't understand why I didn't give him some proper food.

Vs up to him, old duffer, he was past 70 and shouldn't really have been pracitsing IMO, he was a private on in Knightsbridge, and that is a whole other world altogether

I went to see a peditrician when DS was 3 months old (he had thrush and couldn't breastfeed properly - I got really worried one day when he didn't have any breastmilk at all for an entire day)- any way the peditrician said "so you are still breastfeeding him at 3 months!" - I think it was more shock than actually trying to be discouraging though! What does that tell you about the nos. of women who breastfeed in the UK past the first few weeks ?

susywong "proper food" - imagine a doctor thinking breastmilk isn't proper food ? What do they teach these people in medical school ?

GeorginaA - good for you. I have a step-father of the most old-fashioned type poss. He is in his mid-70's. He thinks all women should wear skirts (he has never seen me wear one ) - thankfully I hardly ever see him as we really don't get on. Imagine what he would say if he saw me breastfeeding DS in public when he is a toddler ?

kookool - most paediatricians in the UK only see sick babies, and if you ask them, they will tell you the majority of the babies they see are formula fed, and when they do see a bf baby it is very unusual for the baby to be bf, esp at 3 mths. So the surprise of the paed doesn't really reflect the incidence of bf at 3 mths (which is low, but not invisible enough for the paed to faint with shock) but the usual clientele of paediatricians.

One v. experienced paed told me she literally never saw a breastfed baby...this was in an area where bf figures were low, prob 20 per cent or so by three months, but again, bf babies were 'out there' just not in her outpatients' clinics or on the wards.

That's a good point tiktok - hadn't thought of it that way. Of course BF babies are healthier, so less like to go to any kind of doctor! Touch wood mine has only been to GP once since born about 9 month ago and that was for his 6 week check .

Why is clingy bad? my DS1 (2.5) is a real "mommy's boy" i get lots of hugs and lots of love and one day he will find his own way in the world and i will miss him! He has me and DH around lots so i figure it is just his personality, howeverI do hope that when he's a teenager he won't still be attached to my leg .

moongirl - I couldn't agree more. I am actually from a very touchy feely family and culture - so don't see anything wrong with cultivating a mummy's boy, if that's what I am doing !

One day my DS will leave me for some beautiful young girl, and then I will be sad

My son is a definate mummys boy now, at 2.7yrs, and he was only B/F for 4mths. I think if they are destined to be a cling-on then they will be now matter how you feed them, so if you enjoy B/F still then carry on and don't let anyone scare you out of it.

Interestingly enough, the child I breast fed for the longest (DD3) is my most confident and independent!

do you think it has anything to do with first borns?