Feeling Like a Failure

[polester]

Not sure if there is a thread like this but just want to say to anyone who is find breast feeding difficult - you are not alone.

My DS is 2 now and I can still remember the guilt I felt when I realised that Breast feeding wasnt for me, I would cry before feeds as I didnt enjoy the experience, this wasn`t helped by the HV and my Midwife, who stated that bottle feeding can lead to obesity, a less intelligent child, a naughty child etc, I wanted advice on bottle feeding but was refused it until I had been to a Breast feeding counselor - I ended up getting info from the internet, went up country to stay with my parents for 3 weeks and stopped breast feeding. For me it was the best thing I did, finally me and ds bonded, I was happy and he was happy

My message is that yes I agree that Breast is best for the majority but some of us dont take to it, and if you are one of those mums I would say do what feels right and dont let the "Professionals" make you feel like you are not doing your best God knows that as mothers we can feel like we are not doing right by our child all by our selves

thank you.

i have had all kinds of problems bf, today my 3mo dd wouldn't feed at all (just screamed every time she came near the breast) and i am finally at the end of my tether. i can't bear both of us crying through every feed any more. the formula top ups are getting more frequent and my supply is disappearing.

unlike you, i have had masses of support and have devoted the last 13 weeks trying to make it work - dd had tongue tie snipped at 7 weeks but by then her terrible latch was habit, and my supply had suffered terribly. i have tried EVERYTHING (i promise) and it just isn't improving.

i feel terrible even thinking about giving up bf, i never realised how much it would mean to me. i am so miserable about it. i just don't know how much longer i can go on taking one feed at a time, most of them disasterous.

I felt guilty having to give up at 5 months - dd is brain damaged and at 3 months developed seizures and was in hospital for weeks on setroids. The drugs made her latch terrible, I was looking after 3 other kids and driving back and forth. She had to go on a bottle. I felt guilty and felt that not bf'ing her was making her brain d amage worse.
She needed milk so bottle was what was needed (my supply was drying up due to stress)
Even 4 years on I still feel guilty

another one who found b/f an endurance trial (despite being very keen to do it, knowing hte health benefits, having mw help etc). but despite help only managed 6 weeks (adn that was mixed feeding)... I found the physical experience draining and made me ill -had a blocked duct which has still not healed months later. The experience makred my first six weeks with my dd after a very stressful pregnancy etc - so bad was it that its actually something I've discussed with my psychotherapist.

Giving up like polester did was best thing I did as marked upturn in my experience of motherhood.

polester how dreadful that hv and mw made you feel like that and that you still are affected. i believe that breastfeeding counselllors are exactly that, properly trained counsellors, so they can help with more than just the practical side of bf.

help with starting / establishing / stopping bf should be far more readily available. i was very lucky to have some help with establishing but not with starting and it was ghastly.

You poor thing. It sounds as though your HV and MW were less use than a chocolate teapot - yes the messages need to be out there (although "naughty"???) but you didn't need convincing! Sorry you were treated so badly. The professionals IMO should be making sure everyone is aware of the facts, gentle encouragement where needed (e.g. if you were struggling with something specific that was in the process of being resolved) and support with whatever you decide to do.

polester I was exactly the same as you. I hated it, spent every second in agony - with both my children. I was absolutely desperate to bf and cried all the time. DS fed continuously, like for an hour, 10 mintues off then another hour. I never saw his face! He was always hungry, if he wasn't on the boob he was crying. At 6 weeks I gave him a bottle and he slept for 4 hours, and it wasn't just a one off! I ended up mixed feeding til he was 5 months, which was a miracle.

I actually fed DD for 5 days, she was the same, always feeding, always crying if not feeding so i gave her a bottle and never looked back. I think it was a vicious circle, I was so stressed, crying all the time, the guilt etc, no sleep, depressed ... my milk supply was rubbish and not sufficient. I managed to 16 weeks mixed feeding with DD.

So it doesn't work for everyone and I was so much happier doing the mixed feeding, and stopping. Motherhood is based on experiences and bonding and you can't do that stressed and exhausted.