mixed feeding

[nuclear]

Hi

hoping that I could get some advice.

DS2 is 5 days old I BF him for first 2 days but as I found with DS for some reason BFing does not sit right with me - it makes me unhappy and anxious.

I feel bad for the DSs and found it very hard switching to formula at 10 days with DS1 but in the end it was the best thing to do as I used to sit there in tears whilst feeding not because it hurt but because it just did not feel right for me.

anyway this time round i wanted to give it another go but sill feel exactly the same i feel trapped and anxious by bfing.

I have a good milk supply and I have started to mix feed - some bottles of formula and some of expressed milk. I plan to do this for the near future to give DS antibodies etc.

Does anyone have any tips?

I am not a bad mum for doing this am i? MW was a bit and the guilt feels awful.

You are not a bad mum! You have to do what is right for you - there's no point in persevering if you are so unhappy.

Can I ask - why are you using formula? If you have lots of milk can you not just use that?

I am mixed feeding too. I feel really guilty about it, but I simply felt too tired to do every hour all through the night stage and was too worried to have DD in bed with me to make it easier. The thought of exclusively breastfeeding made me feel panicky and exhausted.

I think that formula isn't actually bad for DD, it's just like them having a sandwich for a meal, instead of full meat and two veg. If your DS is getting a fair amount of your breast milk and hence your immunity and anti bodies what's the problem?

We give DD a bottle of formula at night and it means I get 4 hours sleep uninterupted and hence I can cope the next day. Also I don't worry if we need to go out or do something, I will give another bottle of formula in the day. It hasn't affected my supply...the only problem with it is getting my head right and not feeling a failure all the time when i see my friends who won't have formula in the house and breastfeed round the clock with no problem. At the end of the day it was a compromise that meant I could carry on with breastfeeding in some way rather than crumbling under the pressure and giving up altogether. Don't make yourself unhappy. Better for your DS to have a relaxed mum that to try and be textbook! Let me know how you are getting on.

No, you are not a bad mum!!!

I did mixed feeding with DD, and lied to the MW and HV when they asked how I was feeding her, as I couldn't face their evil stares...

I did the same as you - a mixture of expressed breast-milk and formula. Having given up bf with DS two years previously (terrible birth followed by hideous bf problems), I didn't want to be on constant feeding duty when I had a toddler to look after as well (both of mine would feed for an hour every 90 minutes), and I also never really liked the idea of it all (so shoot me) - but I did want her to get my antibodies as much as possible. I can't remember entirely, but I think we always used formula at night so that I could get some sleep. I'd express about three times a day, so far as I recall - though sometimes ended up using formula if I wasn't producing quickly enough...

Carry on the good work. Your DS2 will be just fine!

hi nuclear, of course you aren't a bad mum for doing it.
however there are a couple of things I would like to point out, just in case you didn't already know.
supplementing may affect your supply, esp if baby is still small and you may find you have to give up breastrfeeding sooner than you would have liked. doesn't always happen, but it can.

also, formula will compromise the virgin gut (google it, lots of info). when baby is born he has a unique set of gut flora which breastmilk is perfect for keeping exactly as it should be, this forms a protective layer in the gut and is part of the reason why bf babies have less allergies.

I am not saying this to try and make you feel guilty, just because I think that like everything in life, when you make a decision it should be the most informed decision you can make.

if you are happy mixed feeding and ds2 is happy then you should do whatever you feel is best for the 2 of you

and I think roundgirl's point is a really good one too

"At the end of the day it was a compromise that meant I could carry on with breastfeeding in some way rather than crumbling under the pressure and giving up altogether"

nuclear you are doing great

it is true that if you carry on with formula / mix feeding it is likely that your own supply will suffer.

have you got anyone to help so that you can bf if you want to? i am sad to see you say you feel trapped and anxious, what would help?

You are a fab mum otherwise you wouldn't be worried in the first place.

Mixed feeding is better than pushing on with something that makes you uncomfortable and anxious, yes breast feeding is great for the baby but so is a happy confident mother.

Do what feels right for you and enjoy your time with your new baby.

Please don't give yourself a hard time. You can rationally know all the facts and figures and what' best etc etc but at the end of the day, only you know how you feel emotionally.

With DD, I felt a bit trapped by bf for first few weeks but went on to successfully (and happily) bf for 9 mths. However, with DS, we just never got it sussed. He fed a lot, all the time and keeping up with him and a toddler was just exhausting. I remember getting v upset about bfing at 3 wks but felt under a lot of pressure to carry on. In the end, I kept it up for 2 mths before calling it a day and I was then so much happier.

Sure, bfing is without a doubt the best thing for your baby but with mixed feeding, DS will still be getting your valuable antibodies and it is also important that you are happy and relaxed enough to enjoy those first couple of months which you won't get again. My MW was also quietly disapproving over my decision with DS, but I reasoned it wasn't her having to actually do the 2-hourly night feeds and run around after a 2-yr old the next day.

Good luck ...

Hi everyone.

Thanks for all your supportive replies.

I feel an awful lot better about it now - with DS1 I could only breastfed him for just over one week before I gave up and then he was exclusively formula fed so I already feel a bit better knowing that at least DS2 will be getting breast milk for longer than with DS1.

DS2 is doing really well, feeding lots and is really settled.

I am aware that mixed feeding could affect my supply but will carry on for as long as there is enough milk to do it!

I love both my boys to bits and just feel a bit sad that I am not one of those mums who loves to breastfeed but I guess sometimes things in life take us all by surprise. I always thought that I would be breastfeeding like a good 'un but it just hasn't turned out that way.

Deep down I feel much happier and more confident doing what I am doing I think I find it hard to admit it as i have come across some real judgemental people who make me feel terrible for even thinking about breastfeeding.

It actually makes me really angry ... but that is another thread altogether.

catrin - I am using formula aswell as I do not really have time to express all of my feeds and take care of DS1 who is 2.

roundgirl and dottoressa - it is nice to know that others have done this too all my other friends with babies are breastfeeding and I sometimes feel a bit and as if I have to defend my decision.

thisisyesterday - thank you I did think it might affect my supply but as you say it is better than giving up altogether.

Apart from this I am LOVING being a mum of two !!!!