12 week old rejecting the breast! Need help...

[Maria2007]

Hi,

I have a 12 week old boy, my first child. We've been bf exclusively since the beginning. The last few days things are really difficult. It's a kind of escalating process. About 3 weeks ago Linos started screaming at the breast (but eating) but was getting increasingly distracted during the day & refusing to eat more than a few minutes. He is now completely rejecting the breast for the last few days. Well, to be more precise, he did drink from the breast during 2 night feeds yesterday (at 2 am & at 5.30 am) but even during those he cried quite a bit, screamed actually, before managing to eat. Last night at 6.30 when I put him to bed he simply refused to drink from the breast, screamed & screamed, & I gave him formula. This morning I tried again to feed him on the breast at 8.30 & he refused with even stronger screams. So I expressed everything (my breasts were getting hugely engorged) & my partner is trying to give him that from a bottle at the moment.

I'm very very confused as to what to do, since I don't want to stop breastfeeding in this way. I suspect Linos now really prefers the bottles, it's interesting because we hadn't been giving him bottles at all until the last few days. We used to give him one bottle of expressed milk a week, if that. But in the last few days, because of his rejection of the breast, I've been expressing constantly (& am now in a constant state of engorgement!!) & he drinks the milk from the bottle in one long gulp, showing me that he's desperately hungry :'(. I've also given him formula twice yesterday, and I will again today because I can't see another way around the situation since he simply refuses the breast! Actually, now that I'm writing this, I'm noticing that he's also refusing the bottle which is a new thing, the last 2 days that I've been expressing so much he drinks the bottle very quickly.

Yesterday we had him weighed & he has dropped from the 75th percentile to under the 50th percentile, so I'm concerned that he's not eating enough. The health visitor was useless, didn't even ask any questions, just told me to put him on the bottle. I called la leche league today & very surprisingly they were useless too, the woman I talked to (who was clearly sleepy) simply said to put him on the bottle & give him expressed milk.

The thing is, I would be fine to put him on formula or just expressed milk if that was my calm decision, & not a decision made under stress, but right now it feels like things are happening without me knowing/understanding why... and it also feels a bit like rejection when Linos screams at the breast like that! I wouldn't want to stop breastfeeding under such circumstances, but I'm not sure if I can let him go hungry either, which is why I'm expressing manically...

Will try to see a breastfeeding counsellor during the next couple of days, just to see what they suggest. Anyone have any ideas?
Many thanks
M.

Never had this issue but wanted to bump it for you.

On ething I thnik I've seen recommended in simialr situtation is to make sure that you use a slow flow teat, so that your baby has to work for his milk from a bottle. But I could be wrong.

Can you take some time out and spend it just relaxing with your ds and encouraging him to feed little and often - but not putting pressure on him (or you)?

Hi! I've got a prob with my DD taking teats at the moment, she had been quite happy on one bottle a day since age of 5 weeks, but now she's 12 weeks is really kicking off about it. In other words, though I don't think my situation is as bad as yours, i do sympathise loads!!!

I've been reading up on nipple/bottle refusal, and some sites mention oral thrush as being something that makes babies unhappy to eat because sucking is painful. So if you are really worried, it might be worth seeing your GP to check that's not causing problems.

Also, I don't know exactly when they start teething, but my DD has been dribbling loads and I'm wondering if teeth are developing and so she prefers chomping on the soft tissue of my breast rather than the harder silicone of the teat!! So again, maybe there's some pain there that's bothering him?

hi, around about 9 weeks until about 13 weeks my daughter went through a similar phase of refeusing the breast and getting angry at it. my partner and i tried two solutions which both worked for us

1 - holding her near but not forcing her to the breast, we found that after a short while she would calm down and spontaneously latch on.
2- my partner would take her away until she was calm and then reintroduce her to the breast.

i chose not to give up bf so we persisted with these methods which did work for us.

good luck.

Maria - i'm sorry that you are going through this. it isn't easy.

the one thing i can suggest is that you turn up the heat, strip off and head to bed. lots and lots of skin to skin contact in a nice relaxing setting. and maybe take a bath with him?
if he has constant access to your breasts he might feel more relaxed and latch on in his own time.

I hope things get better for you.

Thanks for all your replies...

I'm happy to let you know that after a few days of my boy rejecting the breast (what was probably a 'nursing strike') we're now back on track. Yesterday he fed every 2 hours on the breast (exhausting, I have to say...) which I was so happy about. Today has also gone well so far, so it seems the nursing strike is over!

What I want to say is that I realized from my online research while this was going on that it's very common. Babies at 3 months or so often go off the breast for a few days, for many reasons- including just developmental changes. Unfortunately it's also one of the main reasons, from what it seems, that women quit breastfeeding at around this time. It has to do with feeling baby is hungry (I felt this, especially when he downed the bottles I gave him in one gulp); also it has to do with baby not gaining quite as much weight as at the beginning (this happened with my baby too, and I became extremely concerned)... However, I found out that it's actually a natural stage in bf, and is combined usually with a growth spurt, so I feel it's important to let others know, who might be having the same problems, that this stage CAN be resolved.

I say all this because I found it very distressing, in the middle of all this, how people (eg my parents & a friend) kept telling me 'it's time obviously to wean him & put him on formula, don't you see he's hungry'. And yet breastfeeding & formula feeding have different rules & ways of problem-solving, as I'm slowly learning... Plus, I am not ready to put him on formula at 3 months, and I would especially resent something like that happening with it not being my decision, just feeling I couldn't solve this problem. In the end, with a bit of perseverance, problem seems solved for now (am now waiting for next problem to appear!!)

It's really great that you have worked through this; bf is great, but often unpredictable!

Well done you!! So glad you've sorted it out. xxx

wow - i am going through exactly the same - dd is 13 weeks. so there is a chance it might improve?

should i top up with formula if she refuses the breast (she guzzles the formula when i do ) or should i let her go hungry?

happened to my dd at the same age - i hadto bf her in the dark or lying down. pita!

glad you've got htro' it

Happened to me too around the same time. Luckily, stopped after a couple of days.

Oh god this is soooo happening to me right now. He's been fussy for about four weeks now. He falls off and screams after a couple of minutes on the breast, then goes back on and falls off screaming all the while. He won't sleep, he won't eat, he won't do anything but scream so in desperation I give him a bottle which turns it into a vicious cycle. Hubby, mother, everyone is saying top him off with the bottle....in the other ear I've got La Leche and a couple of mates saying take fenugreek, take your clothes off and keep offering him the breast....it's making me so stressed I quite regularly cry in the loo so no-one can see. Ds is obviously starving cos he guzzles milk like it's his last meal if I give him a bottle and yesterday he had 180ml in one go...there's no way he's getting that from my breasts, I can't express more than a couple of ounces at a time.....I feel like a total failure and to top it all I got my period at the weekend which means I'm drying up doesn't it?.....(sniff) need a cup of tea now

Not sure about the period thing, i thought that was pretty random. I remember asking the doctor if breast feeding meant no periods and she said there are no guarantees. Where's ticktock when you need her??! Hope you get it sorted. xx

just wanted to add my experience. ds had breast refusal at 9 weeks and has refused to feed while awake ever since. He is now 20 weeks and a healthy baby who only breastfeeds during sleepy periods. He just finds it less stressful that way, and while it is not ideal, as he won't take a bottle it is the only way we have been able to manage. I appreciate this may not be what you want to hear, but feeding when sleepy may be a way forward for you too.

The amount you can express is no indication whatsoever of how much your baby is getting - so don't let that get you down.

Hey Lady Sybil, thanks for you thoughts. Do you feed him when he's just dozing off. He feeds at night without any problem but only once. I just had him feeding while sleepy on the sofa so this might be an option. Any idea why they do this?

We've been going through the same thing from about 9 weeks. My sweetling is now 24 weeks and I can only breastfeed him when he's in sleepy pockets, like Sybil's babe. I usually feed just after a nap - though sometimes he refuses these too. Night times are best. The rest of the time I feed him expressed milk or Neocate when I'm out of stock. He often refuses these too. It nearly drove me demented (still does occasionally) until I realised that there was no fix, only ways of managing the situation. He has a small appetite and has dropped percentiles but is otherwise very happy and healthy. The paed's theory is a cow's milk allergy and I'm dairy and soya free and dreaming of cream cakes. The few times I've dared to have milk in my tea, it seemed to get much worse but it's hard to know for sure.

I have no idea why this is, but he seems really happy in himself otherwise, just like Basil's baby. I feed him just as he is going to sleep as he refuses wqhen wakiing most of the time. My hv also suggested a milk allergy but dairy free seems to make no difference!

Hi again

About the period: I too have my period these days, and I don't think that this means milk supply is drying up!! I asked a bf counsellor about this, and she said it just happens that some women get their period while bf, so really don't stress about it (don't remember who mentioned this).

I think the main thing is perseverance & finding creative ways to feed the baby, so that bf can carry on. I had my boy weighed yesterday & he did very very well this week, and I'm happy because this particular week I paid lots of attention to his eating.

What I did & worked for me (and by the way, even though I thought I had the problem solved, he still screams at the breast from time to time, & often is just completely uninterested in eating):
--giving him bottles of EBM (& sometimes adding a bit of formula to fill up the bottle) for morning feeds, which are the ones he most frequently refuses.
--at other times, trying to feed him in the dark, in my bedroom, calmly, has worked well, especially from the afternoon onwards
--feeding him from the breast, & then after about half an hour giving him a bottle of EBM has also worked at times
--and also... not giving up when he screams. He often screams his head off when I offer him the breast. Then I give him his dummy, & THEN after about half an hour he will calm down & bf well.

All in all, it's very stressful, but I think it can be managed. And by the way, I personally disagree with the idea that bottles shouldn't be given. I feel at 3 months babies don't have any nipple confusion (at least mine doesn't seem to have that at all) & I think it's awful letting them go hungry, & I don't see the use! On the other hand, trying & trying with the bf works well... so I combine bottles for those difficult times, & lots of bf at all other times.

Maria, that sounds like a good plan. Sweetling won't feed after a nap if people are around - it has to be in a quiet, calm environment. I also couldn't let him go hungry. The easiest way to feed him is with EBM so I pump a lot - DH looks after Sweetling and I read a book while plugged into milking equipment. I find that if I offer the breast when he's unlikely to take it (7pm, for example), he'll be miffed and unlikely to take a bottle too so it's better to not even offer. It's also definitely a good idea to not persist when he's upset - that would make him anxious about the feeds - but to give it a break and try again later. I couldn't offer before an hour; these days I can't feed him at all unless he's just awake. Sometimes when Sweetling refuses, I switch the dummy for the boob without him fully realising it. Doesn't always work, but worth a try. I really hope it gets better for you.

Sybil, it sounds like we're living parallel feeding lives. How do you manage it? How bad has it been? You sound like you've got it under control?

Maria2007, all I can say is thank you, I found your post after an upsetting few days trying to work out why my 12 week old has decided to refuse the breast, I'm now hopeful that we'll move past it with a little perseverance, I too felt so upset at the comments that maybe it was time to and move to formula stop (even though it was only my partner trying to sooth me and find a solution!) as I want that to be a decision I make when the time is right rather than 'go out on a low'! Here's hoping this gets better over the next couple of days!