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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

was shocked by the amount of bottle-feeders in hospital

737 replies

misdee · 27/02/2005 09:35

found it quite upsetting at times. my bed was by the empties 'bottle bank', so saw how many people on the ward were bottle feeding. in the 4 days i was there, there were 10 women on the ward in total, and only myself and another lady was breastfeeding. The midwives offered help to everyone, but most decided on bottles.

the reason i found it upsetting was because i didnt want dd3 to have formula but that choice was basically taken away from me whilst she was SCBU and was given formula by tube.

OP posts:
Original poster
misdee · 28/02/2005 11:32

everyone feels their choice is the right one tho.

like the fact i have chosen not to bath dd3 yet and she is a week old may disgust other mums, but for me its the right choice. she has been washed, but not fully bathed. i washed her hair with water on day 3 to remove the gunk that had dried, but havent since.

OP posts:
Gobbledigook · 28/02/2005 11:32

I agree Wanda - there are many things I've read on here that make me feel really sad/sorry for the child but it certainly isn't my place to tell someone it's 'sad' or start questioning their choices and I wouldn't dream of doing so!! I've made decisions for my family that I think are best and they sit comfortably with me - just because others don't choose to do the same doesn't give me the right to question them.

Original poster
misdee · 28/02/2005 11:35

GDG, formula isnt the right choice for my baby as i have taken into account my 2 others dd problems with allergies (asthma, eczema, food allergies, enviromental allergies like hayfever, allergies to animals, reactions to bath products, elastic) plus dh has allergies and his brother too, so i really really want to avoid formula as much as possible.

OP posts:
tiktok · 28/02/2005 11:38

GdiG - you'll have seen me say many times on here that people make their decisions based on many issues, and health stats may or may not play a role. That's their choice, and no one else's business. You, however, said clearly that you 'don't care what the statistics say,' because you have seen no evidence that there is anything to worry about....and I assumed you meant 'see' in the sense of 'read'...and that's what I was responding to. I assume now you have changed your mind about this, as you now 'don't dispute' the statistics

Your analogy with MMR is a good one - up to a point. I think you are correct in saying parents needed support and information, however they decided to react to the controversy, but the government were right to continually point out that the evidence for greater safety of single vaccines given in three sep doses was absolutely nil (and the notion that this was somehow safer was based on pure speculation, which is not a good way to conduct routine public health interventions), and they are right not to make it easy for parents to get hold of single vaccines, without actually banning them. I don't think the same holds true for formula milk.

Gobbledigook · 28/02/2005 11:38

Misdee, I know and I'm not questioning your choices at all! I don't question anyones!!

Oh, when I said I've read things on here, I meant on MN in general, not this thread! I've got strong feelings about other issues but as far as I'm concerned, I've made my decisions for my children and that's the only right I have! I've no right to question someone elses even if I don't agree with it! I'll offer advice if asked but I'm not going to argue with someone elses choice.

stitch · 28/02/2005 11:40

i dont think that midwives are given enough time on the ward to be able to understand whether a woman really wants to bottle feed, or is just stressed postnattally/lack of sleep etc.
also, so many moms are in and out so quickly that it is almost like a factory line.
the best breastfeeding advice i got was from the hospital cleaner. she was an older woman who obviously had kids, and was also not on a tight timeline. neither did she have to put paperwork in for all her actions. in fact, she was a concerned she would get into trouble for the help she was giving me.

Beansmum · 28/02/2005 11:42

GDG - I understand that bfing doesn't work for some people but what about the people who don't even try? What are they basing their decision on?

No matter what you say it is a fact that breastfeeding has huge health benefits for both mother and child and most people don't need convincing of that. So there must be some overwhelming downside to breastfeeding that stops people from trying it despite the obvious benefits, I still can't understand what that downside is.

MistressMary · 28/02/2005 11:43

Choice up to each parent to decide and not others to question it.

KathH · 28/02/2005 11:50

I bottle fed my 4 from birth. Stupidly because i'm not very big up top i didnt think i'd be able to feed properly and tbh nobody told me any different altho to be fair i just assumed this and didnt ask. Nobody at hospital queried my choice - i'm not saying they should hassle people but if they'd asked me why i could have told them and they would have been able to help. Looking back, i wish i'd been brave (?) enough to ask so that i could have at least given breast feeding a go.

Gobbledigook · 28/02/2005 11:55

Beansmum, but that's just it, I think people do need convincing of the health benefits!! I know what the stats show but evidence I 'gather' from around me doesn't support them. I know that my own observations don't equate to a RCT but as I said in the MMR post, that is what most people will rely on before study statistics.

If it's not really what you want to do and you feel uncomfortable about it for whatever reason, you need to be absolutely convinced that the outcome in your child is going to be different if you put yourself through the 'trauma' of breastfeeding (if that's how you see it, iyswim).

I guess that's why some people do breastfeed even when they don't really want to - because they may believe it will reduce the onset or severity of allergies (my friend did this as she has bad eczema but her children still have it anyway despite breastfeeding - I know it's possibly less severe but there's no way of telling is there?). AND it's why some people don't - if you don't have any history of allergy in your family there is no reason to think your children will, if you are not an obese family there is no reason to think your children will be....

sparklymieow · 28/02/2005 11:58

KAthH I have a 32a breast size and managed to breastfeed all my kids. I was lucky that the midwife asked me what I wanted to do with DS and encouraged me to breastfeed from the start, DS was taken to SCBU after an hour, and SCBU encouraged me too. When i had Dd1 I bf her for 5 weeks and with DD2 I was going to bottlefeed her, but as I was doing so well with the expressing SCBU encouraged me to try bf again and I managed it for 6 months.

Miaou · 28/02/2005 12:02

mieow, did you manage to express ok? I'm the same size as you and could not for the life of me get the pump to work on me (think sink plunger and cherry) and ended up giving up completely - hence my thread about preventing milk drying up again.

wanda · 28/02/2005 12:05

Beansmum, do you really mean that you dont know what the downsides to breastfeeding are? Do you want the exhaustive list or just an abridged version? I'd definately do it again but lets not pretend that it's a walk in the park for everyone. In fact I have long thought that a little more honesty about what to expect would go a long way to encourage people to persevere. Lots of people give up because they think its going wrong when its just part of the deal. For example lots of people get fretful and panic when the baby wants to feed constantly, if you know in advance that this is going to happen and that it will settle down again then I think fewer people would give up. Part of the problem is that we are told that bf is so right and so lovely and so easy, when reality hits, people often think its their fault.

Beansmum · 28/02/2005 12:13

I'm not saying that bfing is always lovely but I don't think that a week or two of discomfort and embarrassment is really a huge downside when you think that you will have months of easy feeding afterwards. I had a horrible first couple of weeks with ds, feeding him would make me cry with pain and he was feeding every 2 hrs day and night, but I knew that it wasn't going to be permanent and I can honestly say that now there are no downsides to breastfeeding him.

MummytoSteven · 28/02/2005 12:18

but beansmum - a lot of first time bfers wouldn't know that there might be a grim first few weeks, but it might all be better soon. (especially with the sleepness night/physical aftermath of the birth you're not at your most logical). and there are a significant minority of mums trying to bf who won't "crack it" in a few weeks. it was at the 2.5 week mark that it all went completely pearshaped for me, for example.

Fastasleep · 28/02/2005 12:21

Beansmum it was the 2 month mark that scuppered me and my MIL! (I went on to express though, and 1 year old DS has decided to like comfort sucks on my pg milk now lol)

marialuisa · 28/02/2005 12:22

Beansmum, I know you are a student but you were not in your final year when you had your baby? DD was born 6 weeks before my finals, she was unplanned and although we had married shortly before the birth I was aware that DH needed "nursing" through the whole new baby thing if we were to stand any chance of making our marriage work.

There was no option of suspending my studies because of the financial situation, and bluntly having got that far it seemed ridiculous to waste another year of our lives by taking a year out. Given some of the comments made by even ardent bfers (take to your bed for a few days, don't even try to do anything else) how could that have been an option with 6 weeks to go to my finals? DH wasn't particularly supportive, my mum had a 6 month old of her own and lived 60 miles away, sitting on the sofa, crying my eyes out whilst my nipples bled was not an option.

So, long before DD was born I knew I'd bottlefeed and am grateful that the only "comment" I got from MWS etc. was an amused "people who are so anti pain relief usually breastfeed". And although I was aware of a certain type of mum looking down her nose at me, I didn't really care.

4 year son DH and I are still together and as he had space to adapt to fatherhood he's emerged into a really grat dad and husband. DD is perfectly hale and hearty. I finished my degree on time. If I'd breastfed I'm convinced that lots of those things wouldn't have happened.

Beansmum · 28/02/2005 12:22

do people not read? or go to antenatal classes? or talk to their friends? If they did they would know not to expect anything about being a mum to be easy and would know where to find support if they needed it.

MummytoSteven · 28/02/2005 12:22

just think of all the health benefits of that colostrum, fast!

marialuisa · 28/02/2005 12:24

oh and am only anti pain relief because I'm so squeamish. Fear of a catheter and having to stay in hospital kept me away from anything stronger than gas and air, not any belief in "orgasmic natural birth experiences"

Fastasleep · 28/02/2005 12:25

I know...he'll finally put some weight on!... Breastfeeding can be incredibly difficult... I mean, I remember having huge blood blisters on my nipples that would burst and soak my tops... big shudder...I know in hindsight that he wasn't latching properly but every MW/HV said he was doing fine...

Beansmum · 28/02/2005 12:25

marialuisa - I am still a student, in the 3rd year of a 4 year course now and ds is 9 months old. I was lucky that he was born in the summer so I had 3 months before he had to start nursery and I had to go back to uni.

Fastasleep · 28/02/2005 12:26

(ooh me too maria, I would rather suffer any amount of agony than have a catheter!)

MummytoSteven · 28/02/2005 12:27

don't get me started on the subject of catheters after birth!

wanda · 28/02/2005 12:30

My point exactly, new mums are basically mislead and think its all their fault when they have a miserable few weeks ( and it can be a lot longer than that). If you aren't told anything different then you are bound to think its you. Its very hard in those first few days to put your happy head on and say "shucks so my nipples are cracked and bleeding, I haven't slept in four days and the baby is fretful and contantly feeding, but hey in a week or so its going to be sooo lovely..." I have always told my friends to expect the first few weeks to be difficult and that this is normal.