feeding more or less constantly with no sleeps in between - any advice please?!

[plumcake]

Dear all - this is my first message on mumsnet and I hope someone might be able to reassure me! My baby is a week old and seems to be feeding constantly throughout the night without going down for any sleeps in between. Yesterday he slept from 6pm-9.30pm-ish. I then tried a 'night-time feed' at 10.30-11pm, and he fed happily for about 20 mins, and dozed off at the breast, but when I tried to put him down he was unsettled and seem to be still hungry - so cue changing and feeding him again... until 5am this morning when he finally fell asleep for an hour or so! Each time he feeds he seems to be getting a lot of milk, and has already gone over his birth weight... Am I doing something wrong? Could it possibly be normal for him to go so long - 7 or 8 hours - without sleeping properly? How can I encourage some kind of stretch of proper sleep in between feeds? Any suggestions would be really appreciated...

So sorry you are having a hard time with LO. I had this scenario with dd1. I managed to help myself better with advice from here and NCT etc for dd2 now 5mths and still bf.

At 1 week its difficult to establish a pattern and for me took several months (3) even when going well.

It is possible that the baby just wants comfort or has trapped wind.
With dd2 who cried lots after night feeds I gave a dose of infacol before each feed after 5pm as it was worse at night.

If you can have baby in your room in moses basket/crib and feed lying down especially at night- you can doze (or fall asleep if anything like me!) while baby feeds. Hormones are released during breastfeeding which are similar to those released after sex and will help sleep.

Don't expect to get anything done! Just look after baby and get any help you can from relatives and friends. Let them take the baby out for a walk in the pram- if he cries it won't hurt if it means you can refresh and carry on. Better than you being exhausted.

At some point you may wish you had never had the baby because you are so tired- its normal and will pass. 12wks seems a long time but in a lifetime it is nothing. This phase will pass.

To settle the baby without feeding try cuddling, patting rhythmically like a heartbeat, winding across your knee instead of upright, rubbing tummy firmly but gently, changing, take for a walk, swaddle, rocking in infant carrier or swing. Try not to use a dummy yet if you can help it, it will probably just fall out anyway.

When I was tired in the first few days after a difficult labour and birth I gave formula at 2200 which made dd2 sleep for hours. That way I got rest, she got sleep so she wasn't overtired and falling asleep before she was full iyswim.Once she had sleep she fed better. I would try actively getting her to have 3 naps per day of 40 mins to stop overtiredness, sometimes the rooting is for comfort and not hunger. If your DP/DH feeds at this time for 3 nights and you continue to bf during the day and middle of the night you should get enough rest to go back to bf at that time as well, it won't work for everyone but did for me. As I have said I have ex bf since day 4 and dd2 is now 5mths.

Keep going you are doing a great job, he is thriving. If you have sore nipples use lansinoh/breast milk before and after every feed.

I gradually tried to increase time between feeds by distracting/talking/giggling etc but don't expect 3-4hrly feeding for a good few months and in my case until solids were introduced.

Tiktok- I do agree with what you say regarding formula, especially as a first time mum. The thing is though that when mums are completely exhausted they give up completely if not fully focused on bf. The all or nothing approach puts lots of pressure on mums struggling to bf and add guilt if they change to ff. This is not good for mother or baby. At least if a mother says she will just ff to get rest for a few hours and think more clearly outside the situation she is more likely to continue, than if she becomes so exhausted that she cannot think objectively. I put lots of pressure on myself with dd1 and had targets like bf for 6mths and felt a failure when I didn't. With dd2, like maria, I had formula in the cupboard and steriliser. I said I would bf until I wanted to stop and would not get myself in the state I did over dd1. I am now still bf and dd2 is almost 6mths now

That meant to read as especially as the op is a first time mum

Tiktok it is a MW ramming the risks down my throat in hospital that almost made me decide to stop bf completely, as while telling me the risks she undermined my confidence to judge what my baby needed at that time. I had fed constantly for almost 36hrs after an EMCS, was exhausted, tearful and generally a mess. I had a spinal and had to wait 2hrs for someone to remove my gown and sit/roll me so I could feed my baby her first feed, I had no help with latch, posioning etc, just left to get on with it and then when I reached breaking point some nasty midwife quotes 'the risks'. By which point I couldn't have cared if it made her green if it meant I got some rest. Hypocricy at its best!

My ds2 fed constantly for the first 3 months of his life. I had him by section and just sat or lay there for weeks while he fed. If he fell asleep at the breast and I very carefully slid him off and tried to put him down, he woke up and screamed.

Dp used to bring me a flask of coffee and pile of toast as he knew I wouldn't be able to make anything to eat without baby screaming his head off. I kept ds1 entertained as best I could by chasing him round the room with a remote control car and plenty of cbeebies.

At night I fed lying down and just rolled him over to the other side when he started wriggling. I think I never managed more than a doze for those 3 months. He did usually sleep for about 3 hours in the afternoons, but you can't sleep when your baby sleeps if you also have a 16m old and no family help nearby.

So after 3 weeks we decided that when ds1 was home and before bed, I would spend time with him while dp gave ds2 a SMALL amount of formula, 2 oz at the most. Sometimes I did this again at 2am when I was exhausted (ds1 was also teething badly about the time ds2 was born which made everything worse at night - dp self employed so didn't get paternity leave).

I also feel that the 'all or nothing' regarding formula/bf leaves you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place. I decided that in the interests of BOTH my children, and my own health and sanity (How could I recover from c section if I was completely exhausted from lack of sleep through feeding?) that giving one or two small amounts of formula, rather than giving up bf completely, was the best thing for us.

That little break each day enabled me to continue feeding ds2 almost exclusively till 6 months. If I had not done that then I may in desperation have just packed in and 'put him on the bottle' in which case baby would not have got the benefits he did.

I am not advocating formula, I bfed ds1 but he slept a lot and fed every couple of hours. It was just so different with one that fed so much. I am just saying what I did to get through the early days with a hungry baby. (He is now 2 and eating us out of house and home )

OP you are doing really well, it does get better and one day all that feeding trauma will just be a distant memory

Oh dear....of course I accept that in individual cases, formula is helpful and even necessary. In individual cases, it may even in a way support continued breastfeeding.

But mothers need to know the full story before deciding to use it - not in a nasty way, not by someone pressurising them, and not by someone being gung-ho with a list of risks.

The mother and her carers need to balance out the very clear risks in general with her own individual, personal needs specifically.

That way, she can make a truly informed choice.

Sorry I got a bit carried away with my post and digressed from what the OP was asking!!

Tiktok he was my 2nd baby so I knew all the supply issues with formula, thats why I did such teeeeeny amounts. I reckoned that 1 or 2 oz wouldn't fill his tummy up and make him sleep that long that my boobs would think he didn't want a feed iyswim. I knew that supply would be interfered with if I gave 'normal' sized bottles ie a larger amount in a 9oz bottle which I think some people do as they take the instructions on the formula tin too literally.

I got a right lecture from a bf counsellor (bf counsellors do home visits in my area to all bf mums a few days after they leave hosp) about giving small amounts of formula. She (a mum of 1) instructed me to just rest and feed my baby, I told her if she'd like to take my toddler with her for a few days then I'd be happy to follow her instructions. She made me feel like a failure and I would put her in the category of 'gung ho with list of risks'.

OP, I forgot that your baby is only 1 week old. At that stage my ds1 was feeding constantly too. It seems really normal at least with my children, for them to go long stretches without sleep at first and then crash out for a while during the day, when we the parents are conditioned to sleep at night. The other posters are right, just lie or sit about and feed your baby and enjoy the lovely cuddly feeling.

Flibbertygibbit I was the same and only gave small amounts. It is different the first time compared to the second. I think until you meet lots of mums after having your first you don't realise that you can do lots of different things which will all work with different babies iyswim. For example cuddling and patting works for dd2 but never worked for dd1, who just needed her space and thrashed about, only settling in her cot once she was left alone. Horses for courses as they say.