Have you lied/do you lie/will you lie (!) about extended breastfeeding?

[Caz10]

DD 9mths, was exclusively bf until a month ago when I went back to work, now gets 1 or 2 bottles of formula during the day when I'm away and bf the rest of the time.

Since I went back to work I have had workmates, friends and family all expressing various degrees of surprise/concern/disgust/disbelief that I am "still" feeding her - even though I normally just say "oh just a morning and bedtime feed".

While I was off and mixing with other mums etc I felt very confident in my hope to bf until she self weans, but now I'm getting such bad reactions from all sides that it is knocking my confidence. It's not going to change my mind, but I certainly don't feel as comfortable talking about it anymore.

I know I am a total wimp and should be more confident, but I am fed up with these comments now at 9mths, can't imagine what it would be like at 2yrs! Is it possible, if not entirely the right thing to do, just to lie about it?!!

I've thought for a while that I would like to be an extended bf-er, but now ds is 7mo (and the length of a 10mo) I do get embarrassed feeding in public. I've also noticed more comments about people "feeding toddlers" from friends. When I call them on it, they say "oh, your ds is still a baby, not talking about him". But I wonder where in their heads they draw the magical line between ok and not ok, and how I'll keep up my confidence as ds approaches that line. I think I may lie, but hope not.

I lie sometimes when people ask me how long I fed ds for I say untill he was 1 when I really fed him untill he was 2 but when I tell people that they think its weird.

Why tell them anything?

I would never have lied, but I would also not have raised the subject myself. Not through embarrassment, because I was never embarrassed, but simply because it's no-one else's business but mine how long my daughter fed for.

If they ask, just say "Yes". If they make comments, thisisyesterday's response is spot on: "Why do you think that?" "What makes you say that?" Don't feel that you have to justify your choice, or belittle it by saying that you "only" feed at certain times of day - again, it's no-one else's business whether you feed once a day or ten times.

When you justify your choices by saying "Oh, but I only feed her twice a day", it can undermine you and your confidence about feeding. It can also lead people to think that you're embarrassed about it, or think that you are odd for doing so. Don't let them do that to you.

interesting thread.

I am still feeding DS3 at 19m and I've just realised that when people ask me about it, I am more often than not, slightly embarrassed or I reply in a jokey, slightly resigned way - "Yes, I'm still feeding him - can't seem to stop" etc etc.

Although it does depend on who I'm talking to of course. The toddler group I go to has lots of extended breastfeeders so no-one bats an eyelid there.

One woman I told at another group was really shocked and showed it. The next week she apologised for her reaction and she thought she might have offended me. She didn't - I don't really care what the people think about it TBH

I am still feeding my 17 month DD. She still has a couple of feeds during the day so, again, everyone knows. I also still feed her in public if she needs it, I haven't noticed any bad reactions, but maybe they just go over my head! Even my XMIL has given up asking when I'm going to stop. Maybe I'm just very thick skinned!

I simply didn't mention it unless it came up. I've just stopped feeding BabyDraogn (2.7)

Nobody will mention it after around a year - because why would they.

Ds is now 5.5 and three years after stopping breastfeeding nobody asks or mentions anything about it.

So no need to lie - just omission.

I doubt most of my friends or family know that I'm feeding dd (20 months). I wouldn't lie about it - unless I felt really uncomfortable - but neither do I bring the subject up.

OP - a 9 month old is still just a baby! I'm guessing no-one's shocked about the formula, just the breastfeeding, but surely formula is just for babies too?

Interesting thread - I was wondering about this the other day.

DD just turned one and still breastfeeds 4 times a day. Unless I wish to become a hermit, I will have to feed her in public until she drops a feed or two. I'm bracing myself for people to ask when I plan to stop bf. Fortunately I know a few "extended" (hate that term) bfers in RL, so I don't feel too alone.

I'm not very confrontational though, and I can see myself avoiding the subject with some people I know. But if asked outright, I hope I will be brave enough to be honest.

It was easy until she turned one (even though she's huge and looks much older).

I think alot of the negative reactions are people that feel that they had wished they had BF for longer or that by still BFing you are implying that their decision to FF was incorrect. I don't advertise it but I don't feed during the day anymore.

I was very sad when I asked my 21 month old DD what babies ate - she said white water. All the babies we have seen recently had bottle of "white water" in their mouth.

I haven't lied about it but once DS2 was pulling at my top at a "friend's" house and I distracted heavily to avoid feeding in front of her or even letting her know I was still feeding (DS was around 15mths at the time).

She had made some ignorant comments to me when I was feeding DS1 (fed him for a year) about after 3 months it all being about the mother.

Needless to say she had never even tried to bf.

First time round DH's family and mine kept saying "he's getting a bit big"/"he'll be stopping that soon won't he?".

This time I think my reputation as militant bf must be established because noone has said a word.

I do feed in public if I want/DS needs to, I don't care anymore and DS2 still feels like a little baby to me (20mths).

I don't bring up the subject at work and didn't even when I was going to the nurse's office to express from 3-6mths.

no-one really mentioned it after solids were begun AFAIR...

it is a subject I really try to avoid tbh - if you are talking to a ff-er, then you either run the risk of upsetting them because they feel they are a "failed bf-er," or offending them because they think you are a armpithairy lentilly cheeseclother.

OR (and don't jump on me, i think this is just where i live) it all gets a bit competitive "oh i fed until they started secondary school" etc (and i mean in rl btw, not mn)

oddly, dd always bottlefed her dollies even though she never had a bottle. the other day, although she has not been bf for nearly 9 months i saw her stuffing a dolly up her top.
"what are you doing dd?

"baby need booby mama!"

no-ones business but your own. but nothing to be ashamed of at all.

I just talk about it as though it?s normal, like when she says ?Mummy, me-me? (her word for milk) I just say ?aw she wants some milk, not now babe, dinner?s nearly ready? I act so normal about it that people don?t know how to respond normally. If people really push I do say ?right now she?s not in the place to stop and I don?t think it?s right to stop her especially as neither of us have a problem with it?. I think she?s very attached to her feeds and would be traumatised if I tried to forcibly stop her, so whilst it?s not a problem (not brilliant, but not a problem) I don?t see a reason to do that.

9 months is still really early, I used to baffle people with science and then say ?besides, I?m really lazy? smile and walk away leaving them pondering it.

NoblesseOblige funny that, Tink is the same, she won?t breastfeed her babies at all - although they breastfeed each other! She even breastfed a small action man from her baby once I?ve asked her about it and she says ?No!? so I?ve started asking her if I can have some milk, which she finds hysterical cause I much on her when she lets me catch her

Actually I think I'm more open about it this time because I am so sick of the lentil-weaver stereotype.

I am certainly "green" but don't think that to the outside eye I am lentil-weavery/hemp trousery.

Have even been known to post in Style and Beauty!

DS is 11 mo this weekend and I am still bfing, although I have to admit I would like to give up now. He is not interested in any milk (from me, a bottle, or a cup) in the day but makes up for it at night. I would so love a decent stretch of sleep.
I get really arsey about mil and sil discussing my childrearing techniques behind my back so I told DH it is our business. I know I shouldn't be ashamed but not one of my or his family (even extended family) bf and we have huge irish families. So I have always struggled to get people to understand why I chose to bf especially when I had problems in the beginning

Never spoken about it (tend to keep all personal stuff quite personal) but wouldn't lie if asked.
Actually that's not right, was asked by a pg colleague "Did you breastfeed" to which I replied "Yes and I still am", she went a bit red, subject quickly changed! That was a while ago though and I would imagine they all think I've stopped now.

Popped in to say, don't let them knock your confidence and don't lie if you are asked, because at some point one of those people who hears you may remember what you said and if they find themselves in the same boat will be able to think of you who did bf for the time you have and will thus helping their confidence

My answer would always be the point about self weaning, you can't force them to bf, it's as simple as that.

Agree with Martha

We need to be role models you know

I'm still feeding DS at 18 months,expressing at work. I have requested private expressing rooms and fridges at all sorts of places including the London Development Agency and major conferences LOL!!

I have graduated from being militant about it (with Ds1 and DD) to just being supremely confident.

When asked my responses are either

"The WHO recommends two years and BF helps prevent all kinds of cancers for both DS2 and me"

or

"BF is a class issue - the more educated you are the more likely you are to BF (tactless yes, true yes)

or

"most women in the world BF for years - its only in this country people have hang ups about Mums feeding their babies" (agaihn, tactless but it sure shuts them up)