Remind me why I am being so stubborn about BF

[OMaLittle]

My DD2 is 20.5 weeks old. She has been a poor sleeper from birth and with DD1 exactly 2 years old (and quite terribly so) the last few months have been hard. I have exclusively BF and want to continue to do so at least until 6 months.

I am under considerable pressure, mainly from my Dad, to start formula. I'm not going to do it, because as I have explained:

a) a lot of her waking isn't hunger - she will go back to sleep without being fed - more likely wind or teeth
b) formula won't necessarily make any difference to her sleep
c) I want to preserve her virgin gut

However, Dad (and to a certain extent, DH) seems to be of the belief that I am deliberately making things hard for myself, to the point where if I mention anything about being tired, or my back being painful, Dad will say 'well, if only you'd used formula'. He seems to think I am torturing myself for no good reason. Come on, all you MNers, remind me why I am doing this (I'm not going to stop, but I need good solid ammunition, for pure defence reasons!) Particularly scientific papers on the virgin gut.

Disclaimer - I have absolutely nothing against anyone who FF and am delighted I have had the chance to BF again.

What about keeping up her immune system, not leaving her exposed to more infections than necessary?
DOn't know anything about virgin gut though, sorry

no great ammo to give other than the fact that formula does not necessarily make for a better sleeper. if anything helps it may be the regularity that comes from formula feeding, but certainly not the formula itself. [my ds is a rubbish sleeper and we introduced a nighttime formula feed and it didnt' do a thing. i bf till 18 mos. he's now 2.5 and still pretty rubbish.]

i can empathasize with you tho. i think men gravitate towards the formula option as they do to all things tool/technology based; it makes sense to them whereas bf doesn't. i would assume that's why they are both in favour of it. perhaps you can explalin that to them and try and be incredibly patronizing whilst you do it

You could remind your dad that the making up of formula bottles, especially in the middle of the night and to modern guidelines (much different to when we were children) is not exactly making life easy for yourself.

Then tell him that you are entitled to be tired and worn out as you have two young children. And you don't need a lecture on his views every time you say you are worn out. You now Know his views and disagree, so constant repetition is just irritating and a bit rude. There is no need to justify yourself further

breast feeding has nothing to do with sleep, ds1 slep through at 6 weeks , ds2 is 6 months and still wakes for feeds.

Now that he is 6 months the thing making life difficult is trying to get him to take formula!

you have a baby and a two year old, you will be tired for a long time yet, formula or not! Tell them to bog off!!

Oh - it's tough when those nearest and dearest to you don't support you . My DD sounds very similar to your two, and I also get the odd suggestion that life would be much easier if I just gave her a bottle.

Have you come accross this page about criticism of breastfeeding on KellyMom? It has lots of different approaches, some of which you might find useful, and links to some research on why BF is good.

Some other random points (that are probably covered somewhere on Kellymom, but that I pull out when I need a boost):

• the only research done comparing breast vs bottle and sleep showed that FF was slightly more likely to make sleep worse not better.
• by BF you have a hand free to cuddle DD1 or hold a book for her.
• by BF you don't have to stress about sterilising or making up bottles with the right water at the right temperature.
• you're giving DD the best possible food and doing a huge amount of nuturing in the process.

Making the issue out of bounds might work with your father, but could be tricky with DH. Fingers crossed you get more suppport soon

whilst you are looking after your dd, your father is looking out for his dd. he see you tired, and exhausted, and is trying to find some method of helping you. he believes that giving her a bottle of formula will help you get some rest.

I can vouch for the fact that formula may make little difference. I am BF my DS who is 4.5 months and he wakes every two to three hours through the night. I have been introducing a bottle of formula for the last few evenings during the 10 o'clock feed to see if it would buy me a few more hours sleep and it hasn't. He's still waking up four times a night. I'm thankful I can just pull him into bed with me, latch him on and go back to sleep; if I was FF'ing I'd be up and down the stairs all night and I'm sure it'd have killed me by now.

Rather than defending yourself (why should you have to?), why don't you ask him what exactly he thinks formula, that magical silver bullet, would actually do to improve things? I suspect he won't have much to say on the matter, in reality, and whatever 'reasons' he gives can no doubt be refuted by what other posters have written. As they say - "Never apologise. never explain!"

• Keeping LOs immune system supported
• The special bond that you have with a BF baby
• Breast really is best, look at all the issues some LOs have with different brands of formula
• Convenience - No washing bottles, sterilising, making up bottles at 2am only to lose count of the number of scoops and have to start again.
• No comforting a screaming child while waiting for the bottle to warm. BF is immediate.

If someone wants to give a bottle so let you nap, why not EBM.

I gave up breastfeeding sooner than I wanted and I really regretted it so don't let anyone push you to FF if you really don't want to.

I would start with telling them a and b, c that it is best for her, d it is cheaper, e that it is much easier than formula - and then to kindly stop suggesting ff and give you a bit of sympathy because having young kids is knackering - whatever you feed them !

If you are happy bf, then tell them that they are annoying the hell out of you and to give it a bloody rest. People are so goddam annoying.

Sorry, that is not very helpful but I am sick and tired of people giving across their annoying opinions about babies when they are not wanted.

I am already getting pressure to start giving dd food (she is just 4 mths) from mil and mother. I told my mum that the WHO said to wait until 6 mths and listed the reasons. She said 'what do they know?' AAAAAAH.

Good luck. Tell your DH that if he wants to help you, then to do everything around the house, entertain your other child and to leave you in peace. Also, tell DH that if you go onto formula, then he can do all the night feeds - that will soon shut him up!

This kellymom page has lots of info on the risks of ff - www.kellymom.com/nutrition/milk/infant-formula.html

Reasons to be proud here always a good motivator when you feel discouraged!