Baby uses nipple as dummy & doesn't take bottle

[Maria2007]

Hi everyone,

I'm writing with a couple of questions, as I'm exhausted & at my wit's end, & really need some help.

I have a 5 week old son (will be 6 weeks on sunday). He's my first child, and is exclusively breastfed so far. We haven't had much trouble with breastfeeding so far, only the 1st week was (as is to be expected) hard, with some trouble latching on.

My baby is sleeping in our bed, between me & DP; this was not really a decision we made, but happened because he seemed to dislike his moses basket (hasn't been in it more than twice) & with him in a bed we get a bit of much needed sleep. However, one habit that the baby has gotten into is sucking onto my left nipple, with me lying on my side, and him on his side too, & that way he falls asleep. I wouldn't mind this too much, except that he wakes very quickly after falling asleep & cries out for me to give him my breast again. This means I'm constantly uncomfortable, as I can't get in a good position to sleep myself, & also I feel it's disturbing his sleep as well. I really want to stop using my breast as a dummy like this, but I don't know how, since he's a very fussy baby, and at his most grumpy moments, it's the one thing that really relaxes him, plus he cries out for it & thrashes about quite insistently!!

We're hoping to move him to his cot, which we'll bring next to our bed, & maybe that will help change this habit. Or maybe you ladies have other suggestions... When he's calm, Linos (my baby's name) responds to other sleep cues, eg breastfeeding sitting up, or sh-sh-ing or rocking... but most times he just wants the me-as-dummy thing to get to sleep. As I said, by this point I'm exhausted & any advice would be welcome. Even though I feel guilty to deny him something he so clearly loves, I still feel that I can't keep doing this anymore... I'm just too tired, & with all the awakenings it often takes 2 hours to get him to sleep, by which time he's clearly overtired & screeches for the breast.

Oh,one more thing. I've tried half-heartedly to give him a real dummy, but no luck, he seems to hate it. Also, I've been expressing daily for the past 2 weeks in order for my DP to give him one bottle a day... but surprise surprise, for these 2 weeks he has at most taken a few sips of the bottled milk, & seems to HATE the bottle: turns purple in his face from the crying when taking it. I know we need to persist with trying to get him used to the bottle, as it's really important for me being able to take short breaks! but it's been so hard so far. Please, again, any advice would be lovely.

As you can imagine, with all this I feel I'm not doing such a good job (I've also put a post on the nappies thread with another problem we have)... I feel very tired & just need some sleep, even a 3 hours stretch would be lovely.

Maria

Maria - please don't think you are not doing a good job You are doing a wonderful job - responding to your baby according to his needs is a solid basis for future emotional and mental well-being, quite apart from the nutritional aspect of bf,

You don't need to persist with the expressing and the bottle - it sounds very stressful for you and for the baby and it is a big myth that babies 'must' have a bottle by a certain age or else they won't take it. Experiences vary massively - some babies will be fine taking a bottle at whatever age it is offered; others take a bottle fine and then start to reject it later. Can you leave the expressing/bottle thing for a few weeks? You do not need this extra pressure in your life - what do you think?

At night, you can experiment with different positions and place your baby at the side of the bed, not the middle, to change the way you are lying. It is worth while working on a range of positions so you don't get stuck and aching! This will take time - your baby is only 5 weeks and it is early days. You are doing so great - don't criticise yourself! It may be your baby stops the constant night sucking anyway - babies of this age change from day to day/night to night.

hi, thanks for your message. I agree that responding to such a small baby's needs is good... but on the other hand, I wonder whether I have in a way 'created' this particular need, by encouraging him to suck on my breasts as a soothing way to get to sleep? I mean, if this had never happened at the beginning, would he not have found other ways to soothe himself to sleep? (eg rocking, singing, sh-sh-ing etc)?

The other thing is, I really am not comfortable in any of the positions I've tried, it also ends up hurting my nipples when he's on them too long...

Last- as for the expressing, I really do need him to take a bottle occasionally, because for example every thursday I need to be away from him for 2 hours. It would give me a much needed break... But again, I don't want to be forcing him to have a bottle when he clearly doesn't want to at the moment.

Maria - your baby is 5 weeks old. It is normal - and good - for the baby to find comfort at the breast. You have not 'created' this need, any more than you have 'created' his need for warmth, or food and drink....his need is part of him being a baby

Give yourself time and more practice at finding comfortable positions. Ask other mothers what they have done.

To find that two hour break on a Thursday: in a little while you will have the confidence to feed him just before you go, and leave him with a trusted person who will cuddle and rock to keep the baby going if he wakes up

My personal feeling is that it is not worth upsetting yourself or your baby to insist on the bottle at this stage.

Tiktok is so right, Maria. He's so tiny just now, it's normal for him to want nothing more in the world than to feed, for nourishment, comfort, warmth and reassurance. So many people told me (this time last year, when DS was the same age as your baby) that this would pass and I didn't need to worry about it. I couldn't really take it in back then - it felt like my life would be that way forever unless I could somehow "make" my baby change. But you know what? It's true, it does pass, and I can promise you that you will have a whole load of different things to worry about this time next month" It just feels like forever now.

I also had problems getting DS to take a bottle of EBM - we tried and tried but he just showed no interest whatsoever. I think 2 hours is a manageable time to leave him though - feed him first and then he'll be ready for another feed when you return. As long as he's with someone you trust he'll be fine without milk for that time. Eventually we gave up and started using a cup when DS was a few months old and he got on much better then. If you can forget about the expressing for the moment and try to just plan short breaks for yourself, you will feel better, I promise.

You have my sympathy, this time can be so tough, and it feels like forever, but it will get easier quickly, and then you will be looking back wistfully and wishing he was this small all over again

Maria, have you tried These Soothers from Tommee. My ds4 wouldn't take an ordinary soother but sucks away happily on this as the base and nippe are silicone. Also ds3 would't take a bottle but we eventually got him to take one with a very soft latex teat, with this system We re still using the bottles for ds4.

Hey you are a star and as everyone else is saying responding to your baby's needs. Baby is still getting used to this big open world after being safe and snug as as a bug in your tum so keep p the good work and enjoy your baby as they grow up so quickly

Thanks for your comments everyone- in the last couple of days my boy has started drinking from a bottle once a day. So that's a big step, & I'm delighted, because I can express & he can have that once a day which gives me a much needed break! It's interesting how he absolutely refused the bottle for 2 weeks & now he seems to take it relatively happily! So that's development for you... babies change so quickly.

As for the 'sucking on my breasts while lying down' I've decided I'll continue with it for now, at his most fussy times, because he's just so small & it seems to be the one thing that really sooths him when he's at his most distraught. We've now transferred his cot next to our bed (with one side out) & hopefully when he has calmer moments we can start getting him used to sleeping there. So we're hoping it'll be a gradual process but that eventually it'll happen...

Good news is that last night, after quite a bit of fussing & breast-sucking between 7.30 at 9.00, he finally fell asleep & remained asleep for more than 5 hours. He had another 6 hours stretch a few days ago. So it seems that gradually he's extending his sleep periods... Fingers crossed it'll last!

Oh, this baby-sleep malarkey is SO complicated

Hi

I know it is a long while since this post but how did you get over thi as my 14 week old is a mirror image of this and I am shattered. My email is [email protected]

Many thanks

Julie