Utterly miserable about breastfeeding.

[WiggleyWorm]

I don't know where to start with this so this post will probably come out all garbled - sorry in advance!

I really really want to breastfeed. My baby is just over two and 1/2 weeks old. We spend 5 days in hospital trying to get him to latch on which he finally did but only for 10 mins at a time (is this enough time?) Two weeks later he isn't putting on any weight but he hasn't lost any either. I am feeding anywhere between 2 hours to 3 hours day and night. As I said he feeds for about 10 mins then falls asleep and is virtually impossible to wake him back up. For the last 5 days feeding has been well....agonising. It doesn't last all through the feed but for the 1st minute of feeding I just can't even talk. I have also started to get shooting pains in one of my breast when I move. I am on the verge of giving up - surely it shouldn't be like this? I am on the verge of giving up and it is making me so unhappy. Does anyone have any words of wisdom or help as all I do is want to cry :-(

Oh yes, wiggley, don't worry about crying. I rang up the labour ward for help getting DS2 latched on when I was engorged - I sobbed my way through the entire phone call.

just want to add a p.s.
I have 3 children, all have been fed differantly.
All are very well and healthy.
All are extremely close to me.
The bond is the same with each of them whether breast or bottle fed or a bit of both.

Maybe you need to think what is important to you. What I mean is, is enjoying these first few newborn weeks without the hassle of establishing breast feeding the most important thing? Done correctly, you can enjoy bottle feeding just as much (i Did). Don't allow people to share that special time with your baby. You give the baby the bottle when people say ' here give him/her to me'. just say a firm 'no'.

You most definately can do both (once b/f is established, takes appx 6 weeks). maybe thats a compromise for you, but so what!

If b/f is the ultimate dream then get all the support you can get, rest, drink plenty, and see the professionals who can help. theres loads that can, but at the end of the day, its down to you and baby who both have to learn.

I found that b/feeding on my left boob was to awkward so I only b/fed on my right, according to the books this is not right. but my baby and me did very well thankyou. So do what is right for you.

sorry about the ramble, but i hate it when people make others feel bad, or even you make yourself feel bad over b.feeding!!!! It really doesn't work for everyone. I know, as i've had good and bad experiences with it.

PW - agree completely about the underplaying of the problems. I feel women would be less likely to give up if their expectations were better managed.

I was very motivated and had lots of support and it was agonising even with my latch checked by every expert going. Even with my later kids I had lots of pain for the first minute or so of each feed (my goodness it hurt - I had to send the other kids out of the room so they wouldn't see me crying), and that lasted until about 8 weeks. With my third the pain reached a peak about 4 weeks, and I too had the shooting pains in my breast. No one could tell me clearly what it was, but I gritted my teeth, gave up anything non-essential (ie anything except breastfeeding) and it did get so much better much more quickly than I thought it ever could.

WW - It sounds like you are doing a great job! It can be very hard but it does get better. Get some support, be kind to yourself and hang in there. All the best and congratulations on your baby.

This is why I get so angry about the state of the community midwifery service and the shortage of midwives. When I was a midwife, we wouldn't have discharged (from our care to the HV) any new mum until breast feeding was established. We would continue to visit up till the end of the fourth week if necessary.

Forgot to say ...

This may be TMI but DS1 (who obviously had a suck like a hoover) on day three managed to suck an inch-long flap of skin off one nipple (poor positioning), which caused every health professional who saw it to jump in horror, but with lots of help (God bless Aussie midwives) I kept BF, and fed all four for almost a year each.

Very few people find BF straightforward from the beginning, but lots and lots of us are very glad we persevered. If it is important to you, keep going.

tiktok
He weighed 101b 2oz at birth. HV came on wed and he lost 3oz she said not a problem but will come again this wed to weigh again.

I think he may becoming more alert. But he has only had 1 full dirty nappy a day for last 3/4 days, with the occasional blob. plenty of wet ones though.

However he makes the most awful grunting/snorting noises mainly at night or early hours. Started at 4 am till 8am today. Is he constipated or is it trapped wind.
Body arches he squirms, doesnt cry but looks awful and I feel so sorry for him. occasionally he will pass wind when doing this.
Dh now sleeps downstairs as he is that noisy.

no1putsbaby - thanks for the further info. Everything may be fine (the snorting is not an issue, and prob means nothing) but it's hard to tell. For example, it's not poss to know if your baby is losing weight or gaining weight...if those are the only 2 weights you have. If he is losing it then it's a concern - if he is gaining ie he lost a lot more weight than that before and is coming back up to his birthweight, then no problem. When you say 'he has lost 3 oz' do you mean since birth or since afterwards?

Most effectively feeding babies produce 4 or even more poos a day. The ones that aren't may not be taking in enough calories. Maybe a call to one of the bf lines would clarify?

I don't want to make you feel worried but it's better you know the info, I think.

Thanks so much Tiktok.
He has only been weighed once since birth, so lost 3oz since birth weight. Will be weighed again this week. So hopefully will have a clearer idea either way.
I was concerned about only one dirty nappy. But when I saw HV. (the 1st and last time) with dd when she was 6 weeks a asked her how many they should have. she said oh I was told years ago by a doctor that they could go every day or every ten days. They are all different.
That didnt fill me with confidence so never bothered with a health visitor since.dd is now 18 mths.

Thanks again, I agree I would much rather know the info.

I think it is true to say that some breastfed babies don't produce many dirty nappies, isn't it? So long as the baby is gaining weight then the lack of dirty nappies needn't indicate that something is wrong (I'm sure that DS1 used to go several days without dirtying his nappy at various times).

However, in your case of course you're not sure that the baby is gaining weight, which makes it more worrying I guess.

WiggleyWorm, definitely call one of the breastfeeding support agencies and talk to someone over the weekend, it can be helpful to talk through what you're doing and it also will make you feel better that you're taking some action towards achieving your aim to breastfeed.

Does it hurt the same amount on both sides? Can you see any damage done to the nipple?
If you think you've damaged the tissue, you could try nursing just on one side for a few feeds to give it a break.
Have you tried sitting in front of a mirror while you latch? Sometimes you can see a positioning problem more easily when you're not staring down from above.
Or have a look online for the symptoms of thrush and if you think you (and/or DS) might have it get to a GP as soon as poss.

Try to ignore the negative voice in your head, you are doing a brilliant job, are very brave getting through that pain (I remember it distinctly, used to dread every feed) - that phrase 'if it hurts you're not doing it right' is not helpful. You are doing fine getting milk into your baby, but ideally it would be good find a way to feed where there isn't agonising pain and hopefully getting a bit more milk into your baby so you start seeing DS gaining wweight. Getting expert real life help is a good start, don't worry about dissolving into tears, the HV or breastfeeding counsellor will half expect it and won't think that you're crazy, just upset about an upsetting experience.

I hope you get the help you need, I experienced horrible pain, and did get good MW support, found a breastfeeding support group, called counsellors etc. In the end I bought a nipple shield and after talking through using it with a counsellor used that for several weeks to give myself a break from pain and kept getting my latch looked at. In the end me & DS just got better at doing the BFing dance together and it stopped hurting after a while. I used to dread the next feed coming, and then feel like a terrible mother for dreading feeding my child, it was just a matter of taking it one feed, one day, one week at a time. DS is now 5 months, exclusively breastfed and I enjoy and am proud of what I achieved. The thing that kept me going the most was that I didn't want my enduring memory of breastfeeding to be pain and knew from reading posts like this, that it would get better.

Big breath now, and call someone.

Tiktok is the resident expert here...just wanted to add that it sounds like you had what I had...ductal thrush. It is horrid and needs treating. I hated BF for the first 12 weeks until I realised that it didn't have to be excruciating. It will get worse if it isn't treated properly...by 11 weeks I was in real tears.
On the plus side, once treated my DS fed for longer, was less windy, was just much happier.
You are doing an amazing and wonderful thing by breastfeeding. Try and make it a nice thing for you both!

Thank you all so much for your lovely positive comments. I find it so reasuring that I am not the only person to have experienced this problem and so many of you overcame it and carried on breastfeeding. :-) When I do feed my son I feel such a sense of relief of 'thank goodness thats over' but the worry and dread starts creeping back as it gets closer to the next feed. I do feel exhausted.

I am going to ring the NCT helpline in the morning and ask them for help with positioning or at least to check that I am not doing something wrong. My baby is doing lots of poos and plenty of wet nappies, so I guess something is doing its job. He became jaundiced in hospital but that has slowly gone now. I don't think it is mastitis - I have had that before when feeding my first son and I am also on antibiotics anyway for my infected C-section so in theory (well - in my head) that should get rid of any other infections too? I am not sure what to look out for with Thrush on my nipple though - what would it look like? Also tongue tied...a couple of midwives checked in his mouth and said that everything looked fine so I can only assume they were looking for that?

I had a mare trying to feed my first son aswell. He refused to latch on at all and so I ended up with nipple shields for 10 months. sigh

I am sorry it has taken me so long to post back - having a 2 year old aswell as a new baby means I don't have much time to hop on to the PC.

Ductal thrush doesn't go away with ab's...it gets worse!! Please talk to someone and find out if this is what's going on...ductal is different than nipple. Wishing you all the best and much happy BF in the future!!

Plenty of poos and wet nappies - very good and will probably result in weight gain.

poos: my ds pood several times a day in the early weeks, then eventually only once every four/five days, when we moved house at 4.5 months he managed 9 days no poo and that was all fine, although he is a very slow weight gainer he is very bright and super energetic (which in turn hv blames for limited weight gain). Now he is on solids he goes most days, but not always.

thrush on your nipples: can look like they are a bit of a funny bright pink colour that eally stands out from the aureola, and I get a sort of itchy pain. The skin can also peel a bit. That is thrush on your nipples though, I have never had ductal thrush, I have heard it hurts something awful but I have no idea what it looks like.

antibiotics will clear infections (although it depends on the type) but can conversely encourage thrush, as they lower your body's own defences. I had thrush three times: Once spontaneously, once when I had antibiotics (for an infected finger grrr, but it did go into bloodstream) and once when ds had thrush for ear infection. Does baby have any white patches on the inside of his cheeks/lips?

Keep going you are doing great.

forgot to say: the pain in the first minute, is it all over your breasts? I used to get it and it was my let down, it has gone now my boobs have been feeding for months. I used to go 'you hungry? Good, ouchouchouchouch here comes the milk, bent double with the pain and the next moment ds went glupglupglup and it would disappear.

no1putsbaby - can you start a new thread? It's hard for the OP and others to have the mix of your situation and the other one

It is normal for babies beyond the newborn stage not to poo a lot - the range of normal is very wide.

But in the first month or so, a lack of poo is not a worry in itself, but it is always a prompt to look at other signs the baby is feeding effectively....when a baby is not feeding effectively, poos will usually be infrequent or scanty. If everything checks out ok, ie the baby is happy, healthy, not overly sleepy, and gaining weight normally, then the lack of poo is not a concern.

You sound just like me 4 months ago. It really hurt, I got mastitis 3x, she fed every 2 hours and fell asleep after 5 mins.

I told myself to do a month and that was all that was expected of me and then I could give up. I even went out and bought the bottles etc in anticipation of giving up at 4 weeks. But miraculously it got easier and easier. I tolerated month 2 and then now I realise that I love it and it's easy.

Sooooo, my advice is try and persevere for another week and half and see if things improve. Slap on the lansinoh, speak to an expert, change nappy half way through to wake baby up and keep telling yourself that it will eventually get easier. If it doesn't then you've given it your best shot

How are you getting on Wiggley?

I had the same sorts of problems as you wiggly - was in tears in the early couple of weeks when I was breastfeeding DS but really really wanted to carry on with it, then got upset because it was hurting so much!

One thing I did that made it a bit easier psychologically was to take it one feed at a time - I'd feed him then say to myself I'll feed him again next time and then reassess the situation. That kept me going from feed to feed - when it gradually got a little easier I'd say I'll reassess the situation in 24 hours, then 48, then next week and lo and behold I gradually found it much easier and stopped thinking in terms of reassessing anything. Now I really enjoy it (99% of the time!) and actually look forward to feeding, which I would never, ever have imagined happening.

Still bfing now 6.5 months later - it really does get easier and I thank goodness for Mumsnet.

Hope she managed to get hold of a counsellor after all

Oh dear, poor you. I had many many problems fairly similar to you for the first 3 weeks of breastfeeding but am ebf now (dd is 3 months). I found this website www.kellymom.com an absolute lifesaver. x

Hi! just thought I would let you guys know how i am getting along. I am feeling much better. Mainly due to my baby putting on his first amount of weight since he was born - 4oz in 6 days. I know it isnt that much but at least it has given me (and him) a boost. Feeding still hurts but no were near as much as before and the shooting pains have stopped. Thanks to the good advice from your posts I am just taking it one feed at a time and it really is reassuring that so many of you have had similar problems and have got through to the other side! xx

Bless you Wiggleyworm so glad things are looking better for you. Well done on the weight gain too thats great.
Taking it one feed at a time is a great idea.
Take care.

wow this is good

Good news! 4oz is great.