help help help...in attatchment mama overwhelm :)

[mamazee]

Hi
sorry this is a bit of a long one....

i have been breastfeeding my ds on demand since he was born . he sleeps with us and is still BF about once every 3 hours at night(sometimes more ) i really need to get some more sleep..i am really tired but don't want to wean him completely. ideally i would like to be feeding him on waking then at night and maybe once or twice during the day if he needs it AND SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT !

it isn't just the feeding ..its the fact that i am the one who has to put him to sleep (i feed him to sleep) and settle him when he wakes. even for naps ..unless he is shattered and we are out and about and he falls alsepp in the sling or buggy.my partner is struggling watching me getting more and more exhausted and teary. he feels there is nothing he can do to help ...although he can settle him ..it just takes longer and ds cries alot.

on top of all of this....today i went to the dentist as he has eroded front teeth and she told me it is breast feeding him and that his teeth may go BLACK ???

i feel crappy , tired, overwhelmed and i don't know where to turn.

i have read the dr jay gordon article about weaning at night but ds makes SUCH a fuss and cries and cries and i can't bear it.
and i am bizarrely too tired to try (go figure !!)

cannot quite believe i have got myself here...every choice i have made was based on instinct and now i feel trapped and all around me have weaned babies who sleep for 12 bloody hours and have perfect teeth...aaaahhhhhh.
please help anyone...what am i doing wrong ? or have i just lost perspective ?

thanks so much

thats exactly what i wanted to know !!
how does that age gap work in terms of Bf ing, co sleeping etc.
your boys are beautiful BTW.

Thanks!

Well, DS1 was weaned by the time DS2 was born. DS1 didn't overtly object to me nursing DS2 - I think he had almost forgotten about bf-ing as he'd been weaned about four months previously. So on balance I'd say that wasn't a problem (although he could be nursing some secret burning resentment I suppose!)

When DS2 was born, I went off into the spare room with him and DS1 stayed in the family bed with DP - partly so that DP could get a reasonable night's sleep without being disturbed by newborn squawking, and partly because we weren't getting on terribly well at the time .

When DS2 was about 6 mos, and DS1 about two and a half, we decided that DS2 and I should get back into the family bed. I couldn't persuade DP to do a big family bed that would accommodate all of us, so we decided to put DS1 in his own room at that point - which actually, again, went off without too much difficulty - I think he was just 'ready', through pure luck really.

So my major regrets, looking back, are a) weaning DS1 too harshly, and b) that DS2 has had a lot of extra time bf-ing and co-sleeping than DS1 did, which seems unfair.

i found this your dentist shouldn't have said what she did if it was just an opinion, as there is no scientific evidence.

good luck with the sleep
x

thanks redhead.
am going to compose a letter to my dentist enlightening her !
does anyoine think that it is relevant what is happening when you start trying to wean at night. we are housesitting at the moment and moving end of september.
does anyone think 3 weeks will be enough to consolidate all is it all going to go back when we move into the new place ??
in fact maybe moving is a good time to change ?? new house ne w behaviour ?? any ideas ??
policy...when your ds1 went into a new bed was it a cot or a bed ?

nmany thanks

oh and i found this for anyone interested

www.kellymom.com/bf/older-baby/tooth-decay.html

DS1 went straight into a bed - we went to Ikea and got him some fun stuff for his room (nothing expensive), let him choose a couple of things, and generally tried to make out that it was all an enormous privilege!

FWIW I'm not sure it would be a great idea to disrupt your DS's routine at the same time as moving house - I'd wait a month or so after moving before you started a new routine. But you have to balance that against your current state of tiredness and desperation.

Good luck with the dentist!

Hi mamazee,
I am in a similar position with my 19 month old. It is difficult being the only person who can settle my DD to sleep, but there are pay offs too, which is why I am going to stay feeding her to sleep, and co-sleeping a little longer. She never cries at bedtime, and I can settle her easily while watching TV (or more commonly playing my Nintendo DS!). With my son night times were awful, crying, ages singing him to sleep (had to stop bf him at 3 months due to shockingly bad doctor's advice, long story.) It got much easier when he was older, and could understand.
I can also keep her asleep for ages by bf her back to sleep when she wakes, and I often get in to bed with her for her lunchtime nap and sleep too. This also works well in the morning, and I can keep her asleep until 8.
Basically, I feel I could find it even more difficult if I stop feeding her to sleep, as it would not be fair to her to feed her to sleep sometimes and not others, so I could end up with a baby who wakes at 6 (I really don't want that!)
Also, I don't think I could take her being upset and calling for me, (funny thing is I do go out for the evening really occasionally, and DH has to get her to sleep with singing, rocking etc, and he does say there is a lot of really cross crying, but I don't have to hear it!)

hi i have an 18 month old who is still breastfeeding day n night and is suffering from tooth erosion and i took her to dentist today who said it was from breastfeeding i feel really upset if it is from that and i have caused it but more shocked than anything as i always thought breastfeeding was best and never dreamed it would harm my baby girl who by the way is Alissia

is there anything we can do about it

This is the first night i have got her dad to put her to sleep and she cried for ages, i am dreading tonight as i know she will cry for me and that i cannot comfort her she usually breastfeeds throughout the night

lilmzfitmness, have a look at RedHead81's link - it shows that what the dentist said to you is Not True - BF does not cause erosion.