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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

What to say when confronted re breastfeeding ?

41 replies

SpaceCowGirl · 07/08/2008 16:38

I am Breastfeeding DD3, 11 weeks. I BF DS1 & DS2 for 19 months each but was useless when people made negative comments or made me feel uncomfortable BFeeding near them. I would never move into another room but just couldn't think of anything to say as I would be upset.
I am feeling more confident this time round. However I have an "Afternoon Tea" to attend (inlaws and friends of theirs) and I know I will be on the receiving end so would appreciate any suggestions of what to say when confronted (for this or any other situation)
Thanks x

OP posts:

MrsBates · 07/08/2008 17:29

Offer them a little sip

Original poster

SpaceCowGirl · 07/08/2008 17:30

LOL

OP posts:

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 17:31

Just act dumb, take them as genuine questions "Oh, we've decided not to do bottles, I'm too lazy, I love it anyway can't imagine why I'd stop" Could even push it with your hopes to tandem one day

charliegal · 07/08/2008 17:34

Ha ha! Yes, the bottle feeding police!

Hope none of them was at the museum cafe yesterday when I fed my mahoosive 20 month old ds. My face was red, but I thought 'what the hell, he'll be asleep in 5 minutes'.

Original poster

SpaceCowGirl · 07/08/2008 17:39

Thanks for eveyones suggestions/ comments x

OP posts:

thisisyesterday · 07/08/2008 17:42

best advice I've been given is to turn it back on them

so if you get
"are, you still breastfeeding?"

you say, "yes... how did you feed your children?"

etc etc. whatever they say/ask, turn it round and say/ask it back... they'll soon get the picture

thisisyesterday · 07/08/2008 17:43

if they ask you if you'd like to move somewhere else, jsut say no thank you, I'm fine here.

bergentulip · 07/08/2008 17:58

Where in the country are all these horrible women who make judgy comments. I never came across anything but complete uninterest, and generally relief I had shut my screaming baby up!

Seriously, where?

And what the hell are they on?
And people that feel disgusted by it? What the???!!!

littlelamb · 07/08/2008 18:07

Bergentulip, interestingly I think a lot of it is geographical (as well as ignorance of course). I live in Devon and noone has batted an eyelid at me feeding ds. Last week I went home to see my family in Cambridgeshire and the looks I got were so depressing, not from family thankfully, but out and about. When I bf you can't see anything, I wear a vest under my top, so there is no boob or tummy on show. And still people stared, literally craning their necks and gossiping I grew up and went to school there and none of my school friends who have had babies have breastfed and with that kind of attitude I don't really blame them, which is incredibly sad. I just carried on, these people have got to see bf as normal if their attitude is ever going to change, and one of the ways to do that is to bf whatever peoples reactions to it. I have to say though if I lived there I would find it very difficult to bf in public as often as I am able to with ds here (fed him in the bank queue this morning )

LynseyKCalvert · 07/08/2008 18:19

I think the best you can do without a direct confrontation is to front it out if you can bear it. Strangers are much easier to deal with as you can cheerfully tell them to eff off if you're so inclined but family is more tricky.

Perhaps you can try to indoctrinate them by just spewing the virtues of BFing at every opportunity. Even play them at their own game and slyly digging at bottle feeding. (If you're feeling brave)

TreadmillMom · 07/08/2008 18:30

I never had any issues BF my 2 boys in public ever I even fed DS1 whilst pushing a trolley round Tesco with one hand.
The only place I ever got tutted at was in the Drs surgery waiting room and it was by a handfull of pensioners, they couldn't see anything anyway, it was winter and DS2s head was under my ski jacket. Christ, I thought would they rather watch and listen to a poor infant scream and cry with hunger than allow him to be fed? I complained to the GP she rolled her eyes and said to take no notice.
I never discriminated where I fed, babies get hungry and surely its thier basic human right to eat?
My mom cracked me up once though at a large family dinner/party whilst feeding a 6 month old DS1 she said accross the room, 'Do you have to do that, can't you see he's embarrassed?' I was so shocked and was sure I blushed but then every member of my family looked at mom and burst out laughing. She was the one that ended up embarassed!

belgo · 07/08/2008 18:34

Spavecowgirl - I think the you are doing the best thing already actually - bfing both of your first children for so long, and bfing your third baby. I think that in itself is what will change people's opinions more then clever retorts.

I had a few comments from family members about my babies not needing breast milk anymore, I never argued or came up with any witty retorts (I'm not quick enough to do that!), but the longer I bf, the more people around me just seemed to accept it.

TinkerBellesMum · 07/08/2008 21:25

Ooooh, waves at Lynsey! Hiya, didn't know you were here! Or was it my link this morning?

Essie3 · 07/08/2008 21:49

How about
'oh, okay, I'll stop. But could you just put your finger in the corner of his mouth where my nipple is to break the latch? Thanks!'

Ok, way too rude!

I just breastfed my baby in the john lewis cafe in Oxford street today...before realising that they have a breastfeeding room...oops, I'm really totally blatant about getting them out these days!

And my MIL finds bfing 'disgusting'. I'm going to a family party on Sunday and can't decide whether to take bfing time as private time (long, long feeds ) or to spray the upholstery in front of everyone...

Poohbah · 07/08/2008 21:50

Just say it's normal, everyone does it now!

StealthPolarBear · 08/08/2008 10:32

I'm amazed at comments from the baby's grandparent and her friends!
Just say, no, hoping not to have to give bottles for as long as possible. If they ask you to go somewhere more private (I assume it's a suggestion rather than a request!) just say no my baby doesn't mind if you're all here when she has her lunch.

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