Advice on "late" weaning

[munchbunch]

DD is now 17 weeks, gaining good weight and still exclusively bf. Since she has mild eczema and dh is allergic, am keen to bf for 6 months and then wean, provided obviously she doesn't look like she wants to be weaned before then. But I seem to be the odd one out with almost everyone I know (including GF!) many of whom started weaning at under 4m . In fact, I saw the health visitor yesterday and she was encouraging me to wean now. Does anyone have any advice on timing? And if I exclusively bf till 6m will this make weaning more difficult?

Hi all,
Couldn't help but read this and it did reassure me a little. My dd is 17 weeks, born at 8lb 4oz now 11lb 9oz, so slow weight gain, but due to urine infection and small appetite on formula (couldn't b'feed). Thought weaning was the answer, showing no signs but HV suggested. My dd hates it, screams blue murder, so waiting till 6 months is probably the answer. Also agree with Kyliebump that you do feel left out of the group when all your friends babies have taken to weaning so well.

Enid, I started solids with DD when she was over 17 weeks and have slowly increased her meals to three a day just this week ( 28 weeks old) We started off with just a small amount of baby rice for the first few weeks during the day then I added a breakfast ( organic porridge/ pureed apples/bananas) Now finally she is having three meals - albeit small ones. At this stage she is still on pureed veges and fruit with porridge, baby rice and fromage frais. Dd still has milk as food and her drink. In fact, I have not tried any juices or things like that - she has the odd bottle of cooled boiled water.

Corky - you might like to start out with the smallest amount and just take it very very slowly. I was told my dd ( daown syndrome) would not wean at 4 mths as babies with down syndrome tend to be weaned later. SHe has never had a problem with feeding and so I weaned her but just took it very very slowly ( despite what annabel Karmel (?) said.)

BUT at the end of the day - each baby to its own. I was unable to Bf and would have wanted to do it as long as possible - at least exclusively til 6 months. So I just needed to do the best for my Dd as we all do so be guided by them not by what anyone else is saying or doing.

You might like to try the Organix range - I got some literature from them today and they seem quite good. They have a variety of food available in two stages.

ARGH!!Just got back from the HV. DD is now 16lb 8oz which she agreed is fine for her age (20 wks) but is putting me under pressure to wean now. Apparently if I don't she will be a fussy eater, have a lower IQ and a whole bunch of other stuff she told me was well researched. To quote "I'm happy with her weight for the moment..." implication being if I don't wean I'm in big trouble.

So, some advice please: is this true? If not (which I assume is the case) do I keep seeing the HV and just lie, telling her I've started to wean dd, or do I just not bother going to have dd weighed any more? And what can she do if I refuse to wean now?

Croak - just thought I'd check in and see how you were doing

My first DD only had breastmilk until she was 10m and then went on to occ. solids until I weaned her at 15m as I was delivering the next day( not ideal I know!). But the next daughter only had breast milk until her first birthday. Infact the first morsel of food to pass her lips was her birthday cake!
My Australian Child Maternal Health nurse (? same as a HV) and the girls paediatrician were totally encouraging about the girls just wanting to be b/f. Interestingly my English Doctor friends were horrified and kept urging me to feed the child.
They had children a similar age and I know they were madly trying to spoon porridge etc at 16 wks in an attempt to get the babies to sleep through. wasn't that successful whereas it really couldn't have been easier to b/f dds back to sleep. Bliss.
Wonder if it's cultural? In Aust it's pretty unusual under 6m to think about weaning.,....12m is extreme but she was so contented and healthy and was totally disinterested in food.Has made up for it now.

Tilbia - did you find your children had any problems eating? I ask as my friends dd who is 13 months has a problem swallowing anything lumpy - she almost chokes. Because of this, the mum is still mainly bf but would like her dd to take more food. Should she be worried? It is reassuring to hear that you introduced food late. Was it not exhasting bf exclusively for a year?

No problems at all eating once they got started. We went straight past the puree stage though. After cake it was chops etc!
I would def follow up a baby that seemed to be having difficulty swallowing. That doesn't sound normal .
And no I didn't find b/f exhausting at all though it was such freedom to finish as I didn't have a break b/t babies ie b/f throughout pregnancy and then b/f next daughter for 22m. Total 37m straight....never actually looked at it that way!!!!
We travel constantly as a family and I guess in many ways it was so much more convenient to b/f. Esp in Asia, never having to worry about bugs etc. certainly reduced luggage and kept kids quiet in strange houses, hotel rooms etc.

Hello again, computer was broken last week and I was feeling very deprived of mumsnet - also dp was starting to expect far too much productivity around the house!
munchbunch - your hv sounds a total nightmare - I'm pretty clueless about the whole parenting thing but the stuff about IQ etc that she told you sounds completely daft. Lots of peoople have been suggesting that I start ds on solids too even though he is only just 16 weeks as his sleeping has been pretty terrible. I haven't though (for one thing the whole sterilising business terrifies me and I was hoping to avoid most of it by leaving weaning till around 6 months) and he seems to have improved a bit on his own. Hv thinks he was probably having a growth spurt as he has put on 1lb this fortnight - don't mean to go on about how nice she is when yours is such a terror, my community midwife used to make me cry so I know how you feel. I'm really sorry that I don't have many ideas about what you should do about seeing her - I'm a complete wimp when it comes to confronting people but I'm sure that other mumsnetters will have plenty of great info to use as ammunition (eg that stuff tilba just posted about her experiences in Australia) if you're braver than me. My only suggestion is does your area have another clinic run by a different hv that you could take dd to - told you I was pathetic! Sorry to ramble on, hope things go well whatever you do

Croak - glad to hear things are going well at your end and thanks for the tips. The HV is based at our GPs surgery and we've already changed once so don't think that's an option. The HV is actually really nice, just makes me feel odd for being the only one exclusively bf (gathering from the conversations I pick up on when I'm sitting in the babyclinic waiting my turn!) and like you, don't want to be confrontational and have an all out argument with her. Will see if I can take dd to get weighed elsewhere and then avoid the situation altogether (what a wimp!)

Munchbunch, your HV is ill-informed. Ask her for the research - get her to write it down.

If you want chapter and verse on solids given acc to baby's needs and not the calendar, just ask (though I am away for a few days from tomorrow).

She is happy with the weight now - so she is suggesting solids for some unspecified possibility that she won't be happy in the future? And does she know breastmilk is more calorie dense than many early solid foods? And that givng solids might mean your baby wants less breastmilk and that her intake might well reduce???

munchbunch, I am appalled that your hv is suggesting that you start weaning at 5 mo. The WHO recommendation (backed up by lots of research) is 6 mo. and this is supposed to be the official nhs policy. If you are being made to feel odd or singled out for giving your child the best start in life (and there is lots of scientific research to back this up, rather than the opposite as she is claiming) then you should change gp's again or just refuse to see the hv and complain to the gp. In fact my dd (5 mo.) is having some reflux problems and I decided to add a bottle of special staydown formula to her diet as recommended by my American paediatrician and my parents (both famous scientists) insisted on researching it with all their colleagues before allowing me to stop the exclusive breastfeeding before 6 mo. (worried that their grandchild number 2 will not grow up to be a genius without enough breastmilk). Please do some searches on mumsnet on the subject of bfing. There are several threads over the past year from mums with a similar problem to yours.
Anyway, I exclusively breastfed my son until 6 mo. when I started solids. I continued supplementing his meals with breastfeeding until he was 15 mo. and I got pregnant with my daughter and my breasts got too tender so I stopped. My son (now 27 mo.) will eat anything and everything in large amounts. And I mean everything. He loves garlic, spinach, bitter black olives, indian food, thai food, sushi, vegetables etc. etc. I think what children eat is related to what you give them. If you only cook them fish fingers and bland foods then they won't learn to like anything else. As soon as I had worked my way through the basic foods in mush form (to check for allergies) I started giving my son our food mushed up so that from an early age he was getting interesting tasty food. Good luck, I too had an hv who pushed me to wean my ds at 4 mo. I just said no.

Munchbunch - you are doing fantastically well. Your HV is not up-to-date on current research. My advice would be to stay away from the clinic till your baby is 6 months. There is no need to get your baby weighed if you are happy with all other aspects ie baby is peeing, pooing, happy and interacting. We are all brainwashed regarding weight gain - it causes more anxiety than reassurance. When you go to the clinic you will only get hassle. You do not need the scales to tell you that you are doing well. Well done

Mears, SofiaAmes, Tiktok - thanks for the support and great advice. I had read the other bf threads so feel comfortable I am doing the right thing. But it's amazing how "scientific/ medical" people can force their opinions on you and can undermine your confidence in mothering even though normally (or so I like to think) I am a reasonably intelligent person and trust my own judgement. (SofiaAmes - your story was really interesting. Hope dd does now grow up to be a genius!!)
Although, I can't blame the HV too much since this attitude seems to be the same amongst my friends and NCT group who have all weaned at 16 weeks. By the way (whinge here) why is it that everyone thinks 16 weeks is 4 months?

Will keep you posted

I started solids with dd fairly 'late' (6 months) and got all the cr*p from the HV about her not eating lumps, not speaking etc etc.

She eats plenty lumps and likes finger food. The problem is that she isn't eating a lot (now aged 10.5 months). I don't know if it is because she isn't hungry and she is filling up later on breastmilk. She still feeds a lot a night (we co-sleep) and she never seems to be really hungry during the day. Also she drinks very little water, if she takes the beaker at all she drinks it and spits it straight out. Again she is obviously getting her fluids from me as she has plenty wet nappies. Should I be worrying about this - I don't want this to become a 'bad' habit or will she learn to drink OK on her own when she is older?

Anyone got any similar experiences? Advice? Thanks.

DD wouldn't have anything liquid from 3.5 months till about 8 months which was a bit of a stress because I was working full time - but she was fine and I just asked her nursery to give her really runny food. Now she is fine and drinks water and EBM from a beaker just fine. I think it is a maturity thing and they will do all these things when they are ready.

MunchBunch, my d.s had nothing but breast milk until 6 months and then went on to purees. He is now 16 months and eats absolutely anything. I am still b/f BTW (although just last thing at night) and would be seriously worried about the old fashioned advice given to you by your HV. As others have said here, there is absolutely no reason to rush weaning. I have asthma which is one of the reasons I wanted to b/f as long as possible - I understand the same rationale applies to families with a history of eczema. Good luck!

Do you think it would be OK to drop from 3 meals a day back to 2? Today dd ate very little breakfast and for lunch had about 4 teaspoons and 5 peas. She systematically threw everything off the highchair and then had a breastfeed. Arggh! I know I shouldn't be getting wound up about this but it seems a waste of time preparing food for her.

I don't remember ds being like this - I used to be able to spoon in quite a lot. dd wants to take the spoon but then just throws it on the floor. Should I try to change the times of her meals to 'catch' her when she is more hungry?

Could she be teething? My dd has just gone through a phase of not eating much and I have just noticed another tooth has broken through the gum. She now seems to be eating fine. I think I am beginning to turn into a bit of a routine monster (after being so against them when dd was younger!!) in that I feel it is important to keep some continuity going. I would suggest keeping the 3 meals but don't worry if she only has one teaspoon of food. I find my dd eats very little for breakfast - I have been giving her toast the past week and she ends up giving most of it to the dog. I am sure she doesn't eat much as she has had a bf shortly beforehand. But it keeps her quiet whilst I eat my breakfast! And I am too lazy to actually get up and feed her breakfast before her bf! My dd also drinks very little water - I offer her the beaker with every meal and she usually just sprinkles herself with the water, occasionly she manages to get some in her mouth. I think I am rambling Eulalia - I have just eaten too many liquorce allsorts and the sugar is getting to me.....

Have you tried giving your dd a spoon to play with? I find it distracts my dd for a short while so I can shovel a bit more food in. Also letting her stick her hands in the food lets me get a bit more in. Gets boring doesn't it having to feed them food all the time! Or is that just me?

Eulalia, a couple of suggestions. Try giving your dd a spoon to hold while you are feeding her. I seem to remember my ds started insisting on feeding himself at that age, but wasn't actually any good at getting the food anywhere near his mouth. You could also try separating the bfing from the meals. So use the bfing for the mid morning and mid afternoon snack and bedtime feed and just feed food at the meals. Also, don't forget that kids appetites can vary enormously. My ds is a healthy unpicky eater. But sometimes he just doesn't want a meal. Sometimes this lasts a few days or even a week and sometimes it is just a single meal. I figure he is not going to starve himself to death and as long as he isn't filling himself with unhealthy things like sweets instead of his meals, then it's fine for him to eat less sometimes. He makes up for it afterwards. Prepare things that can be reheated and eaten at the next meal so that you don't get too frustrated about the time involved in preparing things.
I think there is always a danger that a child realizes that food can be used as a weapon against their parent and that can be very dangerous.

Eulalia, I got really stressed about my DS (10 months) not drinking anything out of a beaker and as a result have a really huge selection of beakers in my cupboard that he won't drink out of!! Finally had success with the white Avent soft spouts which can fit onto Avent cups or bottles. The spouts are the ones from 3 months and are softer than the green 6 month ones. He still only takes a little bit of water, but at least I now know that he can do it - how much he takes is up to him!!

He has also recently gone through a patch of getting most of his breakfast/lunch/dinner in his hair, up his nose, in his eyes, on the floor and over me, rather than in his mouth. It got to the point where I was somewhat dreading mealtimes (especially last week when he had conjunctivitis and I didn't think having half a weetabix smeared in his eyes would help him!), but this evening out of the blue he co-operated. I'm sure we'll be back to our usual mess tomorrow morning!! I have no advice I'm afraid as I am suffering the same thing, but I just keep telling myself that it is just a phase and he'll be over it soon - fingers crossed!

Hope things get better soon.

Thanks - no more teeth, just the two so far. I've tried giving her a spoon which works a bit as she takes some off that and sometimes I can sneak another spoonful in. She was a bit better yesterday - I think I just have to live with the fact that she will only take about 6 spoonfuls and try and let her have finger food the rest of the time. I just can't stand watching her try to pick up grains of rice with her fingers but if it keeps her happy then let her get on with it!

Thanks for reminding me not to get annoyed SofiaAmes - it is silly really

Eulalia, my dd(10 months) also eats like a tiny bird and drinks very little water from her beaker. DD is now bottle fed and drinks a reasonable amount of milk, although not a huge amount for someone who eats such tiny quantities of food.
I have found that dd really wants to feed herself and likes bits of pasta, peas, sweetcorn and anything small she can pick up herself.
I do worry about her sometimes because she is so diddly but she seems healthy in every other way.
I hope it is reassuring for you to know your dd is not the only small eater - it certainly is for me as ds was such a chomper!

Eulalia, something else that manages to distract DS so I can get some spoonfuls in, is getting him to feed me little bits of toast. I break bits off and then sit there looking ridiculous with a big wide mouth, whilst he tries to get bits in. He is usually concentrating enough on doing that for me to sneak in a few more spoonfuls - and I get a snack too! I do find mealtimes stressful and that they take absolutely ages, which is tedious, but hopefully this phase will pass soon!

Finally started weaning dd this weekend at just over 24 weeks - she'd started to take a real interest in our food and was waking up lots for feeds in the night. SO far all is going well, but just wondered how much food she should be eating now (all the books I've read assume weaning starts at 4 months and I don't know if these are the sorts of quantities I should be using) and how much bf she should have. At the moment she's having 2 cubes of veggies at lunch and a couple of spoons of rice with fruit for dinner but is still waking for feeds in the night and I was hoping that when she was weaned we might get a full night's sleep!

Hi munchbunch, was wondering how you were, glad mini munchbunch is enjoying her dinners. I've got the same questions as you so I can't be much help I'm afraid. One positive anecdote though - a friend of mine whose ds used to wake up loads (like mine) said starting solids didn't seem to make much difference until he'd been on them for about 4 weeks (I think she started at about 5 1/2 months too). She wasn't sure if it was him gradually increasing the amount he ate or if it was just that he was getting more active and tiring himself out. I know all babies are different ( annoying cliche alert!) but it sounds hopeful anyway.