dads role in bf should be included?

[milward]

I have just finished a training course to be a bf counsellor. I enjoy this and with my fellow bf counsellors in my area are updating the bf booklet we give to expectant mums & their partners after a bf class.

I have been really shocked that my fellow counsellors don't want to have a section on dads support in bf. To me this is so important as dads are in the front line if probs occur, can support their family choice to bf and also that dads can do so much for their baby to create a special bond such as the bath with skin to skin contact. My fellow bf counsellors think this is all a waste of time & that dads can just get on & read the leaflet without it having a section for them. I ahd one comment from a fellow bf counsellor sying that the booklet wasn't the place for my own opinions. In my bf classes I always have a section on dads role in bf and give have a handout for dads - all really well received. I've had lots of good comments from dads. The other counsellors don't do this. What does everyone think on this? - should a bf booklet have a section for dads or not?

blu lol!
Yes,Aloha, you get my drift.
There's supportive and interesting and there's..... this sort of thing. Yuck indeed.
Tiktok speaks words of wisdom, as always

The course is connected to the nct. Tiktoc I'm allowed to say that I'm shocked about others opinions - even though I respect people differ to my views. The section for dads would respect those mums not in a supportive relationships. My input doesn't say dads are crucial to bf but that if they are around then they can be helpful. Dads are encouraged to come along to classes and have lots of info for them in the antenatal classes to involve them in the birth.

The booklet has opinions not supportive to bf already that I'm trying to take out - such as things along the lines of - 'hopefully your baby will need less bf in the night'

really interesting to read everyones opinions - thanks

Milward, that last comment rings a bell. I have a copy of 'What to Expect (The First Year)' which is pretty comprehensive and I know incredibly influnetial in the States.
Their comments on b/feeding are extremely duplicitous-paying lip service to the notion that breast is best but the subtext strongly suggests it to be a bore and a bind and an odd thing to do beyond the first couple of months. You've hardly opened the damn thing before they start on about weeaning off the breast.
It really irritates me.

Definately. Particularly because one reason why women give up b/feeding because it can be so time consuming at the onset. They tend to try to be superwomen and do everything .... one of the way a dad can support his partner is by doing all the other things while mum concentrates on b/feeding. Sounds obvious (of of course nothing to do with breastfeeding as such) but is overlooked. I think in times past extended family used to help out with cooking and looking after other kids and now this isn't always possible.

Having said all that many dads actually resent the time mum sits with the baby and feel excluded so I think its v important to stress to dads that this is just a short phase and that he can become more involved with feeding later (eg from a bottle or solids) whilst still helping with the (often just as time consuming) process of winding and bathing etc.

Hope you get your own way milward.

milward - of course you're allowed to say you're shocked!! I wondered why you were, that's all

It sounds as if your proposed content is inclusive to mothers without partners. I think your point about the night feeding is a good one - in fact, to me (personal opinion only) I think that comment alone would be more important to remove than to have the dads stuff in. There is a lot of quite subtle anti-bf info in current materials, you are right.

I think a booklet should have a section for dads. Can only create more interest / support / disseminate knowledge to us chaps.

Also, whilst there's the physical aspect of doing it, and helping out / supporting where we can be useful, there's also the social / political aspect: bf-friendly restaurants / cafes etc. and sticking up for the wife (or any bf women I guess) who are getting a crap attitude off the manager....

DW's best friend was asked to feed in the toilet at some place (don't ask where, I don't know, I think she told them to just eff off but not sure), anyone in there who didn't stick up for her could probably do with a little gentle education.

Moondog, are you me?

Drives me bananananas too.

moondog - I'll dig out the what to expect book & have a read through. Tiktok - thanks for your support - I often read your advice and I learn alot. Just to say thanks to everyone because I read through what people advise and their experiences and I have learnt so much in terms of knowledge and also in understanding & respecting different points of view. Eulalia the extended family bit is so true as many of the mums I help have no extended family nearby. hub2dee good going on the support of bf - standing for your parenting choices is so important. Thanks to all who've replied. This gives me the push to continue to stand-up for my 'opinions'!!

Just to add another "yes!" voice: I would have given up without my dh and his support. Simple. I needed the person I love and trust most in the world to prod me gently when dd wasn't positioned well, to put his arm round me when I was howling, and to ponder green poo at 3 am, and to reassure me that we were doing the right thing when things were tough.

And now things are going swimmingly he always remembers the glass of water that I always need and invariably forget!

I think that Dads need their own information and leaflets, as they can often feel that "girls' things" are unwelcoming or irrelevant to them. Anyone involved in bf needs some knowledge of the physiology and emotions involved if they are to help, I think.

Annner

I was actually in the strange situation the other day of giving b/f info to a dad. (I'm a peer supporter, he is a sahd and mum works full time). Withough thinking I found myself using ds to demonstrate something!

My dh was not supportive of b/f which was hard in the early days when I was trying to overcome lots of problems. I do feel that dads are often treated as an afterthought in many aspects of maternity care and their feelings should be addressed.

"womens territory" ????

Am going to be contraversial here but in general don't we always go on about how we wished our DP/SH's did more??? Seems a bit unfair to tell em to sod off when it doesn't suit us then moan when they don't pull their weight.

My DH would be one of the new men telling a woman how wonderful bf was (and he's not a perv).

Perhaps if there were more like him then bf in public would be more socially acceptable.

(ducks back under the parapet)

milward,
I agree with the point about adding a section for the partners of breastfeeding women (or men )
I suppose it might be more PC to call the section breastfeeding partners or supporters or something, so as not to offend those whose support comes from someone other than a husband or boyfriend.
To my mind to exclude a section like that just because it may offend a woman without a partner of any kind is pointless. You may as well exclude any information about breastfeeding that doesn't apply to absolutely 'everyone', and not have anything specific for individual cases.
My boyfriend was invaluable when I had problems breastfeeding - it took six weeks to breast feed exclusively and was very emotional. He was able to encourage me when I felt like giving up, because he knew that I would regret that decision. Although, if it had been appropriate to switch to formula, he would have supported me equally.
He does ninety percent of the winding of our baby and was the main feeder in the early days, as I had to use a breast pump every two-three hours. He is very much involved and has complained that he was ignored by midwives and hvs.