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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Why is bfing the last taboo?

39 replies

Bumperlicious · 07/07/2008 18:40

Had a very offensive conversation at work today. To be fair, I walked into it, but I am so sick of bfing being something that you don't talk about in general company.

We have a milk club at work and unusually all the milk had gone today so we (me and a male work colleague) went to see the guy who organises it. He couldn't believe we had got through a six pinter of milk (can you see where this is leading?) and we started a jokey discussion about the viability of a cow to provide us with milk (one our colleagues has lots of livestock and goes on about it all the time) so I jokingly said "I'm still breastfeeding" cue looks of disgust all round.

So me and my colleague went to the shop to get milk, and I said "I can't believe you are all so squeamish, it's ok to have milk made for a cow but when you talk about milk designed for a human you all get funny"

He said "It's just not appropriate to talk about it" I said "what - we happily discuss sperm, piss and poo and vaginas [all conversations that had been has in the team that day] but breastmilk isn't appropriate?" He said "I just don't want to associate milk with it - it's like talking about shit while you are eating" I said it nothing like that. Anyway the discussion continued in this vein until he said "do you want to take this milk back" I said "why are you going somewhere?" he said no, I'm heading straight back or you'll keep talking to me about breastfeeding." I told him I was really offended by his comments and he just went off laughing.

Now this twat is one of those very intelligent people who likes a debate, but only on his terms and only when he is winning. I was really offended at his comments and he just laughed and acted like there was nothing wrong the rest of the day.

I think that

a) if you are going to express an opinion then I am entitled to defend mine
b) his comments were fucking offensive
c) why the fuck shouldn't I talk about breastfeeding? We are a boundaryless team by our own admission, so why the fuck is breastfeeding the last taboo, and why am I supposed to not talk about it in general conversation?

It's attitudes like this that get us the reputation of being bfing 'nazis' or 'mafia' or 'militant' or 'lactivists'. If people weren't so offensive I wouldn't feel the need to defend myself all the time.

OP posts:
BouncingTurtle · 07/07/2008 21:03

I would have come over and talk to you, VS!

Oh and Mog you said

'I am absolutely astounded that we need legislation to be passed giving bf'ing mothers the right to bf in public'

NO! NO! NO!

Please do not perpetuate this, breastfeeding is NOT illegal and NEVER HAS BEEN, the legislation is supposed to make it illegal to harrass a bfing mother, not make bfing illegal!!
But agree the proposal is completely shite.

lackaDAISYcal · 07/07/2008 21:11

welll...not me personally, you understand VS

agree BT.....it's not about making BF legal!

theyoungvisiter · 07/07/2008 21:33

I think you'll find that true ladies don't fart, they merely "exhale backwards".

A friend tried to persuade me that bottom burp was a more classy term than fart. I can't raise one eyebrow but in my mind I went

lackaDAISYcal · 07/07/2008 21:41

lol at exhaling backwards

practise, practise, practise yv...I never used to be able to do it, but can now

policywonk · 07/07/2008 21:42

Gosh, your colleague sounds tremendously passive-aggressive Bumper. I think you did very well to make your case clearly and without crying with rage. A agree with constance - getting him to walk away probably counts as a victory in a debate with someone like that.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/07/2008 21:48

ditto what pw said

Pruners · 07/07/2008 21:54

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Bumperlicious · 07/07/2008 22:08

Thanks for the support guys. I'm pretty sure my friends all roll their eyes when I get on my bfing soapbox. But I am the first of my peers to have a baby and if I can just make it a bit more normal for one of them or their husbands then I will be happy. FWIW my male friends are great with the whole bfing thing.

OP posts:
Gemzooks · 07/07/2008 22:15

I think it's good that you made them think about it. I too have been really shocked by attitudes, like if any reference is made to bf on TV in a 'comic' context, you hear groans of disgust from the studio audience, and will never forget seeing that grim French film (you know the one with real shagging in it), which depicts rape and graphic, really grim sex, and then at the end you see a baby coming out of its mother in close up, and having been silent throughout the film, all the men in the audience groaned 'errrgh, gross! etc', whereas I found the rape much worse!

70 years ago a married woman wouldn't have even been at work, so it's all part of slow attrition I suppose..

Gemzooks · 07/07/2008 22:15

I think it's good that you made them think about it. I too have been really shocked by attitudes, like if any reference is made to bf on TV in a 'comic' context, you hear groans of disgust from the studio audience, and will never forget seeing that grim French film (you know the one with real shagging in it), which depicts rape and graphic, really grim sex, and then at the end you see a baby coming out of its mother in close up, and having been silent throughout the film, all the men in the audience groaned 'errrgh, gross! etc', whereas I found the rape much worse!

70 years ago a married woman wouldn't have even been at work, so it's all part of slow attrition I suppose..

emermc · 08/07/2008 00:36

That guy is totally out of order!!! I'd be disgusted too. Comparing breastmilk to shit, now I'd be soooooo offended. You will know the next time!

When I was expressing in work I used to leave my expressed milk in the office fridge. One day someone had put a paper bag over it to hide it. I was really insulted too and it put me in my place.

Emer

thumbwitch · 08/07/2008 01:09

bumperlicious, it is a bit of a funny one, isn't it? Would you put your own breastmilk in your tea? I am asking because a few times DS has unlatched and milk has sprayed onto my hand, and I have thought twice about licking it off instead of reaching for a tissue. The first couple of times I went for the tissue rather than taste my own bm - now I am less bothered, but if I found it odd, I can understand how your colleague was a bit freaked out by it. His comment was unnecessarily rude, though.

madamez · 08/07/2008 01:22

I think theyoungvisiter probably has it about right: the guy's issue is less about breastfeeding and more about it being the OP's own breasts, ie a pair of breasts that are right in front of him. Jokes about bodily functions are different from detailed discussions of one's own bodily functions - and whatever the subject, if a person says they find a conversation uncomfortable then you should probably leave it there (when it's not about an actual infringement of your rights, just someone saying 'wooh, TMI').

FairyMum · 08/07/2008 07:09

I think if you are a person who finds breastfeeding totally natural and normal, then its really hard to understand how it can possibly be offensive to others. Personally I find breatsfeeding something pure and beautiful. I don't discuss (or even try to defend) breastfeeding with people like your colleague. Mostly because I find it highly offensive that they liken something so important to my child to poo and sperm. I just put it down to me being more educated than them. People like that really stand out as complete thickos in my books and can never redeem themselves. There is absolutely no way I will even spend 2 minutes on ttrying to understand how they feel. Waste of my time!

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