HELP! mum is coming to visit and she is going to try and make me wean ds.

[frootloop]

ds is 19wks and is really not ready to wean, its a struggle getting him to take a 4oz bottle at the moment, mum seems to think that this is a reason to wean him.
i tried him with a small bit of baby porridge, which he loved but it put him off his bottle even more.

the trouble is is that mum manages to make me feel like im 7 again and im worried ill give in to her nagging
("i raised 4 girls, i know what im talking about" , "have you been reading mumsnet again for advice?") and i might do some damage to him because he takes nowhere near the recommended amount of formula as it is without him being put off even more by purees and porridge.

what should i say/do????????

i have a dh, he would help by saying stuff to mum, mum might listen but will still try persuading me.

im hoping that pointing out his appetite problems will keep her off the subject.

Frootloop, I think the thing to remember is that this isn't you deliberately going against your mum's advice. It's that since your mum had children, there's been new evidence that weaning later is better for babies' health.

So if anyone's arguing with your mum, it's the scientific literature. Not you.

Can you frame it in that sort of way to her? You don't need to go into a whole long discussion and you don't need to criticise the way she weaned her own children. You don't need to stand up to her at all really. Just show her the leaflet, so if she wants to pick a fight it'll have to be with the experts, not you.

Froot - I know exactly what you mean - totally the same and i know what you mean about fibbing too!!!!

If I were you, and no doubt I will be - I would say HV told you not too and that she refered toy to this leaflet thats been passed on to you.

I'm lucky at the moment I'm BF and my mum didn't do that so she can;t reallt comment ....hang on whay would that stop her...I get lots of well surly she needs water WTF????

I try but find it very hard to remember she's doing it to help - I find that I get quite stroopy so it ends up being me who looks bad.

With regards to weaning I had a friend who had two kids whe the advice was 4 months and 1 after its 6 months!!!!

Just remember you're not going to do it til you want to so be prepared for a bit of a 'challenge' from mum.

Just rememeber she has brought kids up and it didn't do you any harm - but this can still be better for them and surely she wants that too.

Oh I know this well. My mum practically demanded that I give DD baby rice to sort out sleeping issues. We had regular fights along the lines of "one of these days you will take my advice" "i'm not stupid, I have had 3 children of my own".

All the advice on here is right, you are doing the right thing. How to deal with your mum is a different story> You will just have to stay resolute and know that you are not in the wrong for not doing what she says. This is your baby, your rules. Thank her for her advice but say that the recommendations have changed now that they have done more research, and more to the point, this is what feels right for you.

Try letting her get her own way in another way to keep the peace. Tell her that a piece of advice she gave was really good, or ask her advice on something else, like shoes or something, just so that she can't use the argument that you never listen to her.

I think the issues are more tricky than some people on this thread are letting on. Its not just a matter of the op saying that she is big enough to make her own mistakes. The problem is that any rejection of the ops mothers advice can be a critism of the way the ops was reared. - I faced the same demons about issues such as leaving ds to cry, feeding on demand, not making ds finish his plate, not offering cakes as a bribe to finish main course etc. etc. The most tactful thing is to make the point that everyone does things differently. Parents have to do it the way that they feel comfortable with and that there is no room for discussion.

agree with witchandchips that doing things very differently to a parent can feel like a slap in the face to them - direct criticism of the way they parented!

I think I'd just say "you did the best you could with the advice you had then, and I'm doing the best I can with the advice there is now." That's all ANY of us as parents can do, isn't it.....

hey how did it go?

what does bump mean?

she's not your boss.

you are the boss.

tell her to back off.

your mum sounds like mine.

I was having a moan about her to someone the other day and she suggested I say to Mum "Mum, I think it's time we sat down and had a woman to woman talk. "

You are not a child - you are a woman just as she is.

It's very hard with mothers like this but you have to be assertive.

I wouldn't even enter into discussion on it. Just tell her that you are doing it your way and change the subject. If she comes back to it just say that you are doing it your way so you are not prepared to discuss it. There is no need to get cross-just smile sweetly.

I agree with witchandchips, just say we all do things our own way.

mum has gone home so i can update now

i didn't have to lie in the end, i just said i wanted to wait until he was taking his bottles better.
mum was fine with just offering advice for when i do wean and kept herself happy by putting every veggie she could think of through the mouli and freezing it for when ds is ready.

thanks for all the advice everyone

froot - sounds as if you were assertive and showed you wouldn't take no shit from nobody