Anyone hate BFing but still does it?

[AccidentalMum]

Why? And what gets you through?

At the moment I HATE cooking for my children. Sick to death of it. Bored, bored, bored.

I get through it because the alternative is giving them packaged food every night, which I'm not happy to do either.

I'd rather be bored than guilty.

At least if you hate breastfeeding you know you won't be doing it for long.

Well I'm 8 months in now, no-ones going to make me feel guilty but it's obviously ideal to continue. Drives me nuts though.

Are you BFing at the moment and hating it accidentalmum?

Do you want to talk about it? How old is your DC?

oops, cross post

What in particular is driving you nuts?

I'm not enjoying it, no. Have only had very short periods of time where I have been happy doing it since ds was born (he is nearly 6 months). He has never been easy to feed, been an unsettled baby in general and I feel quite 'trapped' bfing him because he feeds to sleep at night and won't take either a bottle or a dummy. I am starting to think he has silent reflux because of some of the behaviour he displays while feeding. He also wakes 3 or 4 times a night and of course, because i'm bfing, only I can get up. What gets me through? I know it's not forever, maybe a year out of my life, that's not long in the scheme of things. I don't want to feed beyond a year, but as I say, I feel sort of trapped doing it, so I don't know how long it will go on.

Wasn't planning to moan for fear of giving BFing a bad rep but since you asked ...

Feel trapped by it too, really really resent the constant feeds and feeding to sleep but can't see a way out. DD2 is incredibly enthusiastic about solids and I keep fanticising about this baby that wolfs down their lunch and has a drink (which she does) and that's it, plus BFs morning, nap and bedtime, but she seems to need the milk at every meal and inbetween all day as well (DD1 was the same for 14mths). I can't have DH touch my breasts when BFing which puts me off sex completely (not that he pressures me, he's a very strict vegan and so obviously me BFing is extremely important to him). I find my feelings very confusing, because I completely subscribe to the ideals behind longterm available breastfeeding but I just want to lock up my nipples forever.

I stopped bf my first AT NIGHT when she was 8 months old because I was at the end of my tether with it.

Once I'd stopped the night feeds the resentment fell away and I carried on bf for another 10 months.

Would you be amenable to stopping the night feeds?

I did CC - it took three nights for her to start sleeping through.

If I was to do it all again I don't know I'd be quite as happy to have let her cry so much, but it was pretty effective pretty quickly. I didn't know anything about 'No Cry Sleep Solution' then - I do now and would probably try it instead.

Accidentalmum - I do hope you have got your head around the fact that there are NO RULES to breastfeeding at this point (the only reason for 'rules' at the beginning is to maximise your chance of establishing bf).

Could you take charge of bf more and find a way of making it work for you?

I had moments of feeling trapped by it, but I think the closeness and the convenience sort of cancelled that out. But then again, I was pregnant by the time my DD was 8 months and she started dropping feeds and pretty much self weaned due to my dwindling supply by 10 months. I had wanted to go on for much longer though, in spite of the problems we had (recurrent thrush/mastitis and blocked ducts) as by that time it had become a breeze.

I can entirely relate to the feelings of frustration that your body isn't yours and sometimes just wanted to say NO. What kept me going was the fact that I was doing the very best I could for my DD and that it wouldn't last forever.

Thanks for all the shared experiences and advice.

I'm hoping she'll night wean on her own before a year, definitely couldn't do CC I'm afraid and TBH, think any other method would be more drawn out than letting it happen naturally. It really is the (seemingly) constant day feeding that gets me down. I do find it difficult to distract her and to get enough solid food into her to replace the feeds (she's a BIG girl!).

Can you express so DH could give her a bottle at night and let you get some kip or an early night?

oops, just read it's the daytime feeds that are the issue. not too sure on that then, I'm afraid. Can you talk to a BFC about how to cut feeds without feeling like you are depriving her?

Won't take bottle (very seldom, completely unpredictable so not much use) and never get more than a couple of oz from the very fancy pump (present from DH with the idea that I would pump for DD1 too ) anyway, might focus on trying to get her to take a cup now, seems to like other drinks in one.

"think any other method would be more drawn out than letting it happen naturally"

Not necessarily.

I didn't night wean my third until I realised when he got to 2 that he would probably be happy to feed 4 times a night (or more) until he was starting school unless I stopped him

The 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley has had a lot of 'thumbs ups' from mums on this board who are desperate for sleep but are not willing to let their babies cry.

BTW - night weaning had the desired affect of getting all of my lo's to massively increase their solids intake during the day....

ohhh night weaning sounding very tempting right now...

sabire did you just try to settle your lo without a feed when they woke in the night?

I go to bed EVERY night thinking I'll do that, then when it comes to it I am too tired, lazy and soft to actually do it. Have even kicked DH out so I can feed lying down (teeny bed and very snorey DH makes co-sleeping impossible when he's there) and co-sleep for at least some of the night

In terms of what gets me through - a mixture of laziness (what formula would i buy? how would I stop bf-ing? what feed to drop 1st? etc etc....ach sod it I'll just feed her) and stuborness and guilt!

(waves to pegotty! how's it going??)

caz - I do exactly the same thing. Have 10 month old who when not properly hungry thinks its funny to bite. Bf used to work whenever I wanted to read paper or go on computer too. Now I think night weaning would be brilliant and probably if I could be arsed to stroke head and do all that comfort thing she prob would go back to sleep eventually, but quicker and lazier to have her in our bed and flop tit out. ZZZzzzz

Hi Caz10! (We must stop meeting like this!)

I feel like this about night feeds, and we have had a little success at settling back to sleep occasionally without feeding, moving on from getting him to fall asleep in his cot during the day and first thing at night. DH does it, not me, and if it doesn't work I feed him. It is a very very gradual process (like NCSS-and we've tried a lot of things from there). It's meant that in the last two nights we;ve had a four hour stretch of sleep in the middle of the night and I feel human again.

Of course, now I have posted this, we'll have a horrific night tonight!

But NCSS is a very sensible book, about sleeping in general and about feeding to sleep in particular.

Hi caz, would really love to get more than 3 hours in a row of sleep at night, but ds got other ideas about that! Hope you and dd ok? (sorry for hijack AM!)

Bluewolf - lol at 'flop tit out'!

Hellooooo bellabear!

Well done, that is great! I've now managed to get dd to sleep without feeds 1st thing at night and for some daytime naps, so I wonder if I could do it at night...hmmmm....

Part of my problem/one of my excuses! is that my DH works shifts and does some nigth shifts every week, so we will never have a time where we can say right, for the next 3 weeks he is going to settle dd at night or whatever, cos then 3 or 4 nights later he's back on shifts.

However what I have started doing is if dd wakes less than 3hrs since her last feed I try to settle her without feeding...if it's 3hrs plus I just feed her...maybe I could just stretch out the time?

Then it all goes pear shaped at around 4am when I just can't face it, bring her in to bed and conk out with my boob in her mouth!

oh goodness - SORRY to the OP, what a hijack.

know what you mean accidental re: breasts belonging to baby.

Sometimes you just want your body back

Breastfeeding is incredibly hard work.

The only thing that gets me through is that I manage to sleep/feed in the middle of the night. DS comes into bed and he feeds until he falls asleep, and I am more than comatose.

'Hate' is a strong word, but I've not been enjoying it for the last 6 months or so, since I fell pregnant again, as it's been more painful than previously (dd is 2.5). Am pleased that I am still doing it though, as it should help me to express some milk prior to ds being born, which he may need due to low blood sugar when he's born because I have gestational diabetes .

hehe at hijack, all good advice .

Just wanted to add - I have never 'enjoyed' bf, have had intense pain from nipple vaso spasm but read an article on Kellymom - here and it relly helps me out when feeling discouraged - hope it helps!