Four month old waking often overnight while exclusively breastfed

[summertree1]

I have a four month old baby who I am EBF and am struggling with sleep.

I put him down at around 7pm (fed to sleep) in a cot. At around 12:30am he wakes up and I bring him into bed to feed. Basically for the rest of the night it feels like I’m either patting him or nursing him to get him to sleep, he doesn’t sleep solidly and cries.

Does anyone have any suggestions? Should I try and delay that first feed? Stop cosleeping for the second half of the night? If he’s in the cot I worry I’ll just spend the whole night standing there patting him. I feel like I need to reduce the feeding at night but am stuck in a bit of a rut.

Babies do stir often in the night, and if they need feeding to get to sleep that's what they will do.

It's normal for a breastfed baby sleeping next to you to want to feed on and off all night. Are you able to doze while baby feeds?

If you wanted to reduce the night waking/feeding you could try giving him other ways to get to sleep instead of feeding? A baby that can self settle at bed time is more likely to be able to self settle when they stir in the night - though obviously they will prob need a couple of feeds through the night for hunger rather than just to resettle.

Personally I always did a bottle dream feed at 11pm rather than waiting for the baby to wake so my sleep was disturbed less. If it's a bottle then dad can stay up to do it, and I could go to bed at 9/10pm and hopefully sleep through til at least 2ish before bringing the baby into bed with me.

i think what you are describing is very normal. I wouldn’t even try to settle him by patting overnight, just feed him.

He is still tiny, babies feed in the night, usually a few times, until they are quite a lot bigger.
You do hear about babies that ‘sleep through’ from young, but they are rare.
Most of them wake up a lot. This may not be what you want to hear but I am saying it to try to reassure you - you’re not doing it wrong and there isn’t much you can do. Each baby finds their own rhythm, I would advise accepting that this is the way, you will be sleep deprived for a while.
I have been, and seen, many mothers getting into a tizzy of some sort because their baby isn’t responding ‘correctly’ to whatever routine or technique they’re trying to make the baby sleep. From my own and many friends experiences- the babies that are sleepers will sleep; those who wake a lot will wake. Whatever you do in terms of following books advise etc is irrelevant.

Feed your baby when he’s hungry, he will sleep when he wants to; don’t stress about it and put pressure on yourself - find ways to cope with the tiredness as best you can (take any support you can get to allow yourself naps if possible).

Enjoy the night time cuddles, they are hard but are gone soon.

I have a 3 month old baby EBF but my other half gives a dream feed by bottle at 1030pm (I then have to put her down to bed because she will only settle for me) but I at least get a bit of a break
she is my 3rd and in my experience you just sort of have to accept at this age it is what it is they will figure it out when they get bigger.

Having said all that, something you could try is putting him down for the night a bit later, eg 9ish so that is first wake might be a couple of hours later giving you a bit of a stretch eg 10-2.
Find a time routine that works for you; none of my babies ever went to bed at 7ish - it didn’t suit me, there is no reason they have to, just seems to be the norm in this country.

I found the better mine slept in the day and earlier they went to bed the better they slept weirdly. I’ve asked AI a few times to support me with baby routines and sleep and it’s always worked really well!

5.5 hour stretches of solid sleep sounds great for a 4 month old

I agree.
It's normal for them to feed often in the night at that age. Their stomachs are still very small