Help me please... another one about breast feeding.

[Cel119]

I need help!
I gave birth to my daughter by cesarean 6 weeks ago. I have been exclusively breast feeding since. I was told she had tongue tie so I got that sorted and straight after she started posseting large amounts. This hasnt stopped and it keeps me up all night. I havent had a good night's sleep for 6 weeks now. I am also experiencing pain in my breasts like glass in them, burning as well as very sensitive nipples. I tried to figure out what was going on and it kept being mentioned that the latch may not be deep enough. I got a breast feeding expert to check it and they said its fine. She said it looked like she had thrush and that she needed gaviscon so GP prescribed for both(me thrush cream, her nystatin and gaviscon). I then found out my cesarean had an infection a week later so call 111 out of hours and i also mentioned the breast pain that wasnt getting better with the treatment. They said that if its mastitis then the antibiotics will treat the mastitis as well as the cesarean, but also gave me a tablet treatment for the thrush just in case. The breast pain has only got worse to the point i am ready to give up. I am literally grinding my teeth and driven to distraction. It feels like an itchy, sharp, glass feeling. Its on my nipples as well as deep in my breasts. I cant even bare clothes to brush past my nipples. I have gone back to wondering if its the latch. I have started to seriously wonder if some evil entity is controlling this whole situation as i have become so desperate for respite and it gets worse and worse. I feel like i am going to die from exhaustion. On a side note I am type 1 diabetic and have fibromyalgia. My insulin pump occluded this weekend and every set i used from my very last pack kept occluding. I am now on pens again and havent used them in years so along with an infection i am trying to control my BG with pens. My daughter is gaining weight well.

Has anyone else experienced this pain? Could anyone tell me what is going on? Where am i failing? I am actually feeling very low and suicidal.
If I go over to formula I will be handing my daughter to her dad and wont deal with her as failing her just feels to overwhelming. I am feeling near on suicidal dealing with all of this and think it will probably be the end of me.

You poor thing - your daughter needs you healthy more than she needs breast milk, so please don't think you're failing her. The pain you're experiencing isn't normal - have you been back to your GP or contacted a local breast feeding network or la leche league?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, but it's important to focus on you feeling better asap - your daughter will be fine however she is fed.

Breastfeeding was absolutely the hardest thing I ever did until my DD was a few months old which is when it got a bit easier. I am so sorry you're having a hard time. The main thing I wanted to say is that it will get better, either if you carry on feeding and get the pain and infections treated, or if you decide to stop. It is a phase of life that will pass and life will get easier again.

Breastfeeding or formula feeding, neither one are failing your baby. You must do what is best for your health. Have you spoken to the gp about the pain?

You sound exhausted. If your dd does need formula she will still need you to feed her. Babies need their mums and feeding is an important part of the bonding that will set her up for a happy healthy life.
see the Dr about the pain and drink lots.

That sounds horrendous – you poor thing, it's just one thing after another! You're doing amazingly just coping.

It's most likely thrush, possibly combined with a shallow latch – I remember I had that sensation (not as bad as you, I don't think) and it turned out to be thrush. Is the medication helping at all, do you think? Your body is dealing with so much, perhaps it just can't manage to conk the yeast infection on the head, and you need something stronger? I'd talk to your GP if things don't improve in the next few days, and don't be afraid to supplement with formula to give your body a break, or switch to formula altogether if you are feeling so low with the pain.

Remember, most important things for both you and your darling daughter to get are food, rest, and bonding cuddles with each other, and you can get all those things with formula You're not failing her, however you feed her!

Are you fully dosed up with paracetamol? Or want anywhere near this bad for me but regular blocked ducts meant I got through a lot of paracetamol in the first weeks. Frozen peas help with the pain too.

You won't fail her by stopping, and please ask for help. She needs her mum regardless of how she's feed.

I’ve breastfed two. First I stopped about 8 weeks because the pain just wasn’t easing. Looking back her latch was all wrong and I didn’t get enough support. It was covid etc.

second time round I lucked out, we’d moved to a new area and they had a breastfeeding support group 3 days a week. I went to every single one for about 2 months and by 12 weeks it all seemed to click and she still feeds now once a day at over 2 and a half years old.

it still bloody hurt but each time I went it stopped any bad habits and gave me so much knowledge and hurt a little less.

Both my children are just as gorgeous, clever and funny as each other, both catch every bug under the sun at nursery and to look at them you wouldn’t know which had more breastmilk than the other. If it’s too much, you don’t need anyone’s permission but your own to stop. But equally I fully sympathise with the determination to carry on.

Have a google and find a breastfeeding support group. Hope you feel better very soon.

Please reach out to your HV and explain how low you are feeling- you need some support. You can get some immediate help through the National Breastfeeding Helpline (you can phone or direct message them and they can chat things through as well as giving practical advice). You're absolutely not failing. Bf doesn't have to be all or nothing and you can come up with a plan that works, but first you need some support with the way you are feeling. Best wishes to you.

OP, do you get the pain any other times? Coming out of the shower, when cold etc?
Are your nipples a funny colour -purple/blue, when you get the pain?

I got Reynauds in my nipples when breastfeeding both my boys, it was agony but second time I had done some research and a short dose of tablets (for arthritis I believe) solved it. I will try to find the link in case this is relevant for you.

While this feels enormous right now, breastfeeding is such a tiny part of raising a child. There is no shame in bottle or mixed feeding and you will not have failed anyone.

Vasospasm and breastfeeding info sheet

Often gets mistaken for thrush & I read on here that flucanazole can actually make it worse.

I hope this helps.

Ok so firstly you aren’t failing her, you’re trying extremely hard to do what you think is best for her. Objectively that is a very good mum.
however long term do you think your daughter would prefer a healthy happy mum and formula, or a suicidal mum and breastmilk. I suspect the former!! Please speak to a gp and ask for some MH support, this sounds like PPD or PPA and it’s really common and there’s loads of help for you available.

re breastfeeding, if you want to stop then please just stop it won’t be failing your daughter. If you want to continue some things I would try are, would you feel like you could express a bit and do a bit of formula for a night or two, just so you can get some longer chunks of sleep, everything feels easier to manage on some sleep.
making sure you’re fully dosed up on painkillers. Try silver nursing cups.
keep the area dry when you’re not feeding, get some air there too, get a second opinion on the latch, try nipple shields, nipple cream (my expert midwife does a good one)
is it possible there’s any sort of allergy happening? I don’t know anything about diabetes but I would speak to diabetes uk or an expert and see if there’s any known issue there it might be common? Also try breastfeeding helpline and look to see if there’s breastfeeding support in your area, I found that invaluable when I was at breaking point. Sorry you’re feeling this way op, I think we’re lead to think breastfeeding is natural and we’re ‘lucky’ if we manage to do it, but actually it’s really really hard, and usually comes at a time where you’re exhausted and already in pain and recovering from labour and/or a surgery

Search Naomi Dow, she’s an ibclc and gp/specialist in breastfeeding medicine. It’s unlikely to be thrush despite what you’re being told, she’s an expert and wonderful with breastfeeding. See what she says

Hi OP. We’re really sorry you’re having such a difficult time.

Given how low and overwhelmed you’re feeling, please don’t try to manage this on your own. Contact your GP urgently or NHS 111 and tell them clearly that you’re six weeks postpartum and feeling suicidal. If you feel you may act on those thoughts please call 999 or go to A&E.

You can also call tel:116123?oailinksource=modelresponsehotline Samaritans on 116 123 at any time if you need someone to talk to.

For the feeding and breast pain, the NHS has advice on breast pain while breastfeeding, and the National Breastfeeding Helpline is available 24 hours a day on 0300 100 0212.

Please do seek some real-life support today rather than trying to carry all of this by yourself.

It sounds to me like you have thrush in your milk ducts - I had it twice, felt how you describe. You need to treat yourself and your baby. It will get better quickly when you start treatment.

I have seen so many doctors. The amount of times I have called the health visitor, the GP, 111 is beyond normal but I am in intense pain and discomfort. Its a pain I cannot ignore. I am now up again feeding my baby and its too much. I saw an out of hours doctor yesterday and she said my body is just screaming out in pain because of all the trauma and to go home and relax. Problem is, i can't relax as im in pain and my baby needs me to feed her. She then possets and needs feeding again.

I felt like this with my first, I stopped breastfeeding and it was the best thing for us both.

with my second, I am 13 weeks in and breastfeeding has been quite easy this time round.

sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. I wish I didn’t beat myself up about stopping the first time, it really isn’t the be all and end all. Swap to formula and enjoy your baby.

if not, I really recommend lasinoh nipple balm after every single feed, it helps with immediate soreness immensely

Yes, i did think about this and I do get very painful nipples in the cold all my life. However, the glass in the breast feeling doesnt seem to align with it. Also, the only treatment I have heard causes low BP. I already have low BP so that probably is not the best option. It feels impossible.

Have you tried pumping?

you should feel no guilt about moving to formula, you really shouldn’t, but if you want a ‘bridge’ you could try pumping for her. She may posset lless with a bottle, you may no longer have the pain. Is it worth a try? I was told that 89% of the health benefits of bf pass in the first 12 weeks and you’re halfway there …

it isn’t easy, but I managed for several months with both my NICU babies who wouldn’t latch …. Until at last rhey did .

NB: you could also try nipple shields because these helped me to FINALLY get my dc on. Then as they grew stronger and bigger I was able to ditch the shields. I know they are frowned on but My God they made bf easier and less painful.

This is so overwhelming but I swear it is just a small phase in your time as her mother and you will be ok again. Please speak to your midwife or health visitor about how low you're feeling. But its ok to to stop EBF. You haven't failed, just like I didn't when I stopped at 6 weeks with DC1 and at 2 weeks with DC2. How you feed your child will not matter one bit in the future. We put so much pressure on new Mums, it's not right. Take any route through this time that suits you and DD.
You cant think straight at the moment because you're exhausted, ill and in pain. Please trust me you will be ok again xxxxx