Any advice on ending extended breastfeeding for a 3 year old.

[Janefx40]

I really want to stop breastfeeding now as I’m just done with it! My DS has just turned 3.

I dropped all feeds except for before nap/bed a few months ago which has been ok. His main feed used to be morning and he has eventually adjusted although has started sticking his hand down my top instead which I’m really struggling with. I think logically it might be a nice form of alternative comfort for him but I have a really negative physical reaction to it.

Anyway I mostly posted here for advice on dropping the final feed. I delayed doing this while we did potty training but I’m keen to stop now in the next few weeks.

Does anyone have any tips?

Is his Dad around to put him to bed?

Yes his Dad is around and if I’m out he goes down fine without me.

I got both mine to stop around 3 by bribing them! We started talking about how they were getting so grown up now and soon wouldn't need milk any more, and when they stopped they could chose a present. They both chose a nice Jellycat which became a special toy.

If he goes down fine without you,
you could just pretend to go out every night for a bit and see if he gets used to it.

you could get a book and talk about milk/boobs/whatever you call it going away?
or you could try habit stacking to help replace the feed

Re the hand, can you try move him onto a comfort teddy or something similar instead of down your top? I do think this is a normal response to ending breastfeeding though that he’ll grow out of eventually, but you don’t have to put up with something that makes you uncomfortable if you don’t want to. Could you offer to hold hands instead maybe? Or something else that gives him that physical and emotional connection.

id see if there’s a local breastfeeding group, or an extended breastfeeding group. They will definitely have some tips for you too

well done for breastfeeding so long! It’s a huge accomplishment

I stopped at 3.5 years by gradually shortening feeds. Explained she could have it until I counted to 10, then 9, then 8 and so on over probably a couple of months. I think we got down to 3 and I started to say my milk was running out because she's a big girl now. I was surprised how well she took it as she'd been very attached to breastfeeding which is why we'd continued for so long, I'd been ready to stop well before!

We did read a book for weeks on end before that too, Sally weans from night nursing, but I'm not sure if that did anything. She just felt sorry for Sally 😂.

I'd just tell him it's run out and stand firm on that, offer him some milk in a cup instead.

I told mine that it was going to be running out soon and gave a date when it would be all gone - he took it surprisingly well and we just cuddled to sleep instead - he was just under 3

I weaned my now-6yo just before he turned 4, and am currently weaning my 3.5yo. Both times, I spent a couple months talking (periodically!) about how my body was getting ready to stop giving them milk, and that in a little while we would be all done. Over those months I also shortened the feeds (they were just doing a bedtime and a morning feed by then). When each feed was down to about 5 minutes, we drew a countdown from 10 on the chalkboard and talked about how in 10 days we would be all done with milk. Each day we cross out a day on the countdown so she has a visual to understand the time frame. With DS (and I'll probably do the same with DD) on the final feed, I didn't cut it short at 5 minutes but I explained that this was going to be the last time he breastfed, and that he could stop whenever he was ready, but there wouldn't be any more. I think he only fed about 10 minutes and then he was done.
It's emotional!

At this age you say no and hold firm

Offer lots of other age appropriate ways of enjoying time together, hugs, stories, games etc.

Breast feeding is age appropriate, if both wanted to continue

Thank you everyone!!! Sorry I fell asleep before I saw your responses.

@LemonChiffonthank you. I had wondered about getting him a toy or gift of some kind. He’s very particular tho so it could end up with more stress if I let him pick something. I will have a think!

@wi@TheresDirtInTheYurt@WutheringShites86thanks. I could try the count down too. Our feeds are already much shorter. I could also try the book.

@Pineapplec0rehe takes a long time to change a habit so it was a good month before he stopped asking for morning milk. Think it might break my partner but we could try swapping over bedtimes (he usually puts our daughter to bed while I do our son).

thanks for understanding about the hand down top thing. I don’t usually mind being touched and I want him to have the comfort but for some reason it really makes my skin crawl when he touches my nipples which is a horrible thing to say about your little one touching you!!! But there it is! I have tried to get him to keep his hand on the rest of my boob but that doesn’t work!!!

Now I’m suddenly feeling emotional about stopping. I know I don’t have to but I am ready. But it will be sad too.

When it came to stopping BF’ing my 3 year old I explained that it was only at bedtime and I put a time limit on it.

He understood he was allowed to feed for two minutes and then he had to go to sleep.

We set the timer together and when the alarm went off he would stop feeding and get into bed without any argument.

I may have been very lucky though that he didn’t put up any kind of resistance.

Each week I reduced the time by 30 seconds and I explained to him that the time had to get shorter as the milk was running out as that’s what happens when babies start to grow into children.

By the end of the month the feeding had stopped and it was completely non-eventful as I had kept reinforcing to him during the last week that it was going to be the last week as the milk was now coming to an end and he never questioned it.

As an aside, with my first son I stopped breastfeeding him at 2.5 years and he was still putting his hand down my to until he was at least 4. It was completely subconscious though, they just associate breasts with comfort.

Do you have a Health Visitor who can advise you ?

Definitely along these lines. At age three they are old enough to understand that breastfeeding is stopping. Give them a few days to get used to the idea. Then give them a definite time when it’s stopping. Then stop and never go back. I like the idea of a new toy.

I stopped when my DD was three
I put plasters on my boobs and said they were broken and no more milk
at that age she responded to distraction, haribo and rewards
it was actually very smooth sailing
although I did feel emotional

Totally agree!

At 3 I would just tell him the milk is running out and that he's got 7 more days. Count them down each day and tell him when it's the last one. Tell him what you'll do instead when putting him to bed so he can expect it (i lay on his bedroom floor so was there while he was falling asleep).

I stopped just before my son turned 3. No bribery, no toys, just told him and he understood. He asked twice over the following 2 weeks, I reminded him it was gone and he moved on without any upset, hasn't asked since. Honestly there were no tears at all, I was very pleasantly surprised!

Thanks everyone! @ThatMintMemberI really hope we have no tears but I’ll be surprised if there isn’t any kick back. He’s a determined sort of person

He will be fine!

I stopped at about 2.5 with both mine as I was just Done.

I don't think I even had much milk left.

I said there was no more and they got to choose a toy as they were no longer babies.

DC1 used to nipple tweak as his comfort and I hated it so never let DC2 start. Instead, she curls my hair. This I can tolerate!

It can aslo help if Dad does a couple of bed times in a row while you're out of the house to break the habit.